Jewish World Review August 6, 2004/ 19 Menachem-Av, 5764

Greg Crosby

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Consumer Reports

Stupid Democrat Tricks | Ever notice how the Democrats only elect presidents whose names start with the "K" sound? You know, like Kennedy, Carter and Clinton. That's why the nominee this year had to be Kerry. Lucky for the Democrats that Kerry ran, because the only other candidate who qualified under the "K" rule was Kucinich. The Dems really do like that "K" sound. Crass, coarse, cowardly, and crude are a few other choice "K" sounding-words that fit this group.

Did you see the John Kerry speech at the Democratic convention? I was surprised he could talk at all with all the Botox in his face. Hey, did you know that he served in Vietnam? He only said it about nine thousand times. I haven't heard "Vietnam" mentioned so much since Lyndon Johnson. Oh, by the way - what the hell relevance does Vietnam have with Islamic terrorism? Or anything else in today's world? The Dems really need to get themselves out of the 60's. They just keep harking back to that time. Sock it to me, dude! Bummer!

The Democratic Party has always been the party of the trial lawyers - now they're really all "lawyered up" with Kerry and Edwards. John Edwards made his millions by suing doctors. Lawyers like him are called ambulance chasers. John Kerry made his fortune the old fashioned way - he inherited it. But then he was smart enough to take those measly millions and turn them into a billion - by marrying into it. Lawyers like him are called rich widow chasers. Like a little ketchup with that?

I love the way these two incredibly wealthy men keep talking about "the two Americas," which is to say "the haves and the have-nots." So which of the two Americas do you suppose Kerry and Edwards fall into? Maybe it's "the haves and the have lots mores." If Kerry is elected he will be the richest man in the history of our country to become president! Edwards owns four vacation homes - I wonder which of the "two Americas" those homes are located in? Just a couple of regular down-home guys, huh?

In the past, political parties have promised Americans a chicken in every pot and two cars in every garage. I guess the Democrats are the first party to promise America that there will be two Johns in the White House.

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And speaking of Johns, another thing the Democrats can't get over is their veneration of John F. Kennedy. His name was uttered at the Democratic convention almost as much as John Kerry's Vietnam service (did you know that Kerry served in Vietnam?). I'm convinced that one reason the Dems love Kerry so much is his initials are J.F.K. Even John Edwards' name sort of congers up Kennedy - his first name is John like the president, and his last name is Edwards which reminds people of Edward "Teddy" Kennedy. And both Kerry and Edwards have that Kennedy hair thing. And Kerry is from Massachusetts.


It's the 60's Kennedy era that they keep trying to bring back. The difference is, John F. Kennedy said, "Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country." Today's democratic leaders keep promising people all the things that their country will give them for free if they are elected.

The most striking thing about John Kerry is his two-faced stance on Vietnam. Here's a guy who was so ashamed of serving four months in Vietnam, that when he returned home he joined the peace movement and talked about how embarrassed he was to have been over there, he disavowed the military entirely, denounced every serviceman and woman - calling them murderers and war criminals, and demonstrated his complete revulsion of his country's military by throwing his medals over the wall at the White House. Now, thirty-some years later, he's running for president and the mood of the country is not as anti-war as it was then (no doubt because we have been attacked!) and John Kerry is suddenly proud of his military service? Well, which is it? Which John Kerry is the liar?

Hypocrisy of the Month Award goes to the Democrats for parading out a 12 year old girl during their Boston convention to comment on Vice President Cheney's unfortunate use of a four-letter word. Let's get it straight: Cheney used the word in a private exchange with political adversary, Senator Pat Leahy. What he said to Leahy was never meant for public consumption, but it was leaked out to the press and all hell broke loose. John Kerry, on the other hand, used the very same word (at least twice) in a public on-the-record interview with Rolling Stone Magazine. Where was the outrage for that? Kerry was also seen giving the middle finger to someone right in front of school children just a couple of months ago. Where was the outrage for that? Funny how it only works one way.

We've still got three months of presidential campaigning ahead. Plenty of time for more stupid Democrat tricks. Stay tuned. Oh, by the way, did you know that John Kerry served in Vietnam?

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2004 Greg Crosby