Jewish World Review July 6, 2001 / 15 Tamuz, 5761

Greg Crosby

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Consumer Reports

As the world churns -- MORE nutty news items all the time. Bill Clinton signs a mega-million dollar deal to write a book, and the wire service says (I kid you not) he is so excited about it, that he can’t wait to build an office on his property for his ghost writer. The hype from the publisher is that this will be a juicy tell-all book. Trust me --- anyone who expects to read any startling revelations or dramatic confessions from Bubba deserves to lose their $27.50 or whatever the book will end up costing. You’ve got a better chance of getting an admission of guilt out of O. J. Simpson.

Speaking of Simpson, the jerk is mouthing off again, and whenever he does you can always depend on the good ol’ reliable press to give him plenty of coverage. This time Simpson has said that there are more women who are interested in dating him since his infamous murder case than before. Number one: who cares? Number two: it doesn’t surprise me -- there will always be a hefty supply of psychotic females ready to get cozy with celebrated killers like Simpson. Happens all the time. Somehow sick freaks attract other sick freaks. Let’s just hope that he’s not encouraged to continue the behavior that he believes has led to his ability to score with more chicks. What a creep!

Watched the Boston Pops Fourth of July special which climaxed with a half hour of fireworks (about 15 minutes more than necessary) accompanied by a varied assortment of tunes which had nothing remotely to do with Independence Day or America. “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” and “Moon River” being two examples. Stephen Foster, John Philip Sousa, George M. Cohan, and Irving Berlin are just not “cool” enough today, I guess.

Disney makes a movie about the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor and then tries to soft soap the version it sends to Japan so it won’t “alienate” that potential box-office market.

Shame on Disney for attempting to “spin” the sneak attack which cost American service men their lives for the sake of profits. Better stick to Fantasyland, guys.

I read the reviews, I listened to people who saw it, I bought the hype and I went out to see “Shrek.” My opinion? Shrek is dreck. The potential for something was there, but in the final analysis it’s just another loud, offensive pre-teen flick which panders to a nine year-old boy’s obsession with flatulence jokes. And yeah, yeah, I got all the “inside gags” supposedly aimed at Disney and Eisner. I didn’t find them all that clever or sardonic. Sorry.

Did you hear that they’ve found cave engravings in France which could date to 28,000 BCE? It sounds like a set-up for a joke, but it’s true. That would mean that some kind of human beings were alive and living in France 30,000 years ago. I wonder if those people were surly? We may never know.

JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. You may contact him by clicking here.

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