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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 23, 2005 / 22 Kislev, 5766

Going Postal

By Gene Weingarten


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | This just in to the Below the Beltway mailbag:

Dear Mr. Weingarten:

Since you are a man of great intelligence, I wanted to ask you a question that's been eating away at me. Why is it that adults never seem to come to terms with the fact that the time period in which they had their glory days is over? Why must they always make us teenagers feel guilty for things beyond our control? For example: Teenager: "Dad, can I have 20 bucks to catch a movie?"

Dad: "Twenty bucks! Why in my day, we could see a gajillion movies for 20 bucks!"

Teenager: "Um, I don't even think a gajillion is a number . . ."

Dad: "Well, in my day it was."

What is this strange phenomenon that adults experience, and why does it occur?

Sincerely, Erick Whitaker, Washington

(A devoted teenage fan)

Dear Erick:

You ask an excellent question, and it deserves an honest, straightforward, respectful answer. Unfortunately, for some reason you asked me. What kind of a stupid name is "Erick," anyway? I realize this is not your fault, per se, but the apple never falls very far from the tree, if you see what I am saying. Unnecessary consonants are the enemy of brevity. And because brevity is the soul of wit, your name is an affront to the art of humor. And since humor is mankind's main defense against the existential horror of existence, you are a living embodiment of loneliness, despair, chaos, decay and death.

Thanks for writing!

No, seriously, Erick, you ask a fair question, and I will try to answer it without being condescending. ("Condescending," as I have explained before, is a great big word that we grown-ups sometimes use. It means "talking down to.") So. Why do we middle-aged, parent-generation types talk wistfully about our "day," as though life in the '60s was some sort of idyll, as opposed to an era characterized by assassinations, TV dinners that tasted like steamed cat food, and clothing in colors now only found on those plastic mustard and ketchup squeeze bottles at restaurants with place-mat menus? The answer, Erick, is that we had much better music. And by "better music," I mean "better drugs."

Ha-ha. Just kidding. Now let me give you another answer, one that will permit me to retain my health benefits.

The reason we celebrate our youth is that it is gone, and we miss it. And therefore, we carry positive associations with anything from that time of our lives.

For example, you may watch an old episode of "Bewitched" and think, "What kind of feeble garbage is this?" whereas guys my age will watch the same episode and get all misty because we remember that the first time we saw this episode, even though we were only 9, we knew there was something about Elizabeth Montgomery (particularly when she did that cute thing with her nose) that made us feel tense and nervous — not tense and nervous like having to take a big test, but tense and nervous like when you really have to sneeze but can't, but know you eventually will, and when it happens it will be good. And at that very moment when we remember this, we also realize that Elizabeth Montgomery is dead, and so are both Darrins, one of prostate cancer, which reminds us we've been having to pee an awful lot lately. It is invariably at a time like this that some snot-nosed kid with an extra consonant in his name comes up to us and asks for a double sawbuck to go to the movies, and so excuse us, Erick, if, at just such a moment — when we are contemplating the cosmic unfairness of a world that wastes youth and vibrancy on those too callow to appreciate it — we might seem just a teensy bit testy. In short, Erick, here's your 20 bucks! Go watch "Garfield: The Movie," or whatever nonsense you young people are flocking to these days. And don't worry about us. We have a gajillion memories to keep us going, memories of things you'll never experience. Like, you know, all that great music.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


Gene Weingarten writes the Below the Beltway humor column for The Washington Post. To comment, please click here.


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