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Jewish World Review Jan. 30, 2003 / 27 Shevat, 5763
James Lileks
The US can go to war whenever it likes for its own reasons, and all the UN can do is pass more worthless paper
This question would make sense if there was a big red button marked START WAR in a locked closet at the Secretariat, and
we had to beg Kofi for the keys. The US can go to war whenever it likes for its own reasons, and all the UN can do is pass
more worthless paper. The only way a resolution could stop a truly determined president would be if they wrapped it around
a rock and threw it at Bush's head.
The US does not need additional resolutions; #1441 said "False statements or omissions in the declarations submitted by
Iraq... and failure to comply with and cooperate fully in the implementation of this resolution shall constitute a further material
breach of Iraq's obligations." Well, Iraq has been in material breach since they dumped 12,000 pages of obfuscating
gobbledegook on everyone's desk. Iraq was in material breach before the inspectors showed up. Every day the inspectors
are not driven to a dump and shown the remains of warheads, or empty canisters, or bones of all the lab monkeys who
perished in Saddam's quest to weaponize spoiled potato salad, Iraq is in material breach. It's a breach-o-rama. It's
breacherrific. Cue the Madonna song: The UN is immaterial now, and this is a material breach.
"Okay, fine, but how can we possibly go to war without the approval of the UN?"
You mean the French and the Germans, perhaps. Well, France is demonstrating its habitual reaction to glowering men with
small mustaches; German leaders are pandering to their dovish cliques for short-term political gain. Politicians in both
countries probably get hummingbird heart-rates when they contemplate US officials poring through the records in Baghdad
and finding the extent to which our allies have been meeting Saddam at the back door.
In any case, who cares what France thinks? It's not as if they'd be of any use in a war. They have one aircraft carrier that can
barely hit 4 knots-per-hour without seizing up, and their best troops are engaged in a unilateral, non-UN sanctioned operation
in Ivory Coast.
"Granted. But how can we possibly go to war without the approval of the UN?"
Perhaps you mean that we need the moral imprimatur of this august and esteemed body. You'd have a better point if the UN
was moral, august, or esteemed. On the contrary: the UN is a dim hive of self-interested parties engaged in endless
parliamentary mummery, united by a consensual delusion that all nations are equal. So you have the bitterly risible sight of
Libya chairing the UN Commission on Human Rights, which is akin to giving Kid Rock control over the New York
Philharmonic. You have the UN's 2003 disarmament conference rotating its presidency among a group of states that includes
Iran and Iraq. (Perhaps next year the agricultural planning conference will be held in Pyongyang.) You have the shameful
performance of the peacekeepers in Srebrenica, looking away while thousands were slaughtered. You have the sex-for-food
scandal at UN refugee camps in Africa - if it happened at an American frat house, it would be national news for a week. But
hey, it's just Africans.
And you have small, telling scenes like the one that transpired in Baghdad recently. A man thrust himself into a UN
inspector's car and begged for sanctuary. The UN official pretended to study his papers while the poor man pleaded for his
life. The Iraqi guards took the man away, and what we know about Iraqi prisons is even half right, we can only hope they
killed the man as soon as he was out of camera range.
Imagine you are running in fear from Iraqi thugs, and you see a UN car, and a
US convoy. To which would you run?
"Yes, yes, it's not perfect. But don't we need UN approval?'
No. But if it makes you feel better to know that China graciously allowed the US to act in its own self-interest, pretend that
they did. Picture an unelected Communist bureaucrat giving Bush permission to move some carriers towards the Gulf. Feel
better?
The word you're looking for is "oui."
01/23/03: People who'd volunteer for the Iraqi army if they saw Saddam wearing a "Free Mumia" button
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