IT WASN'T HOW IT SEEMED

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WE WERE HAD!

We've all done it. Jumped to conclusions, that is. JWR presents excerpts from a book edited by Rebbetzin Yehudis Samet of Jerusalem, where folks come clean anonymously in an effort to remind the rest of us to give others the benefit of the doubt. Of course, we've all heard the expression. But these true tales make the necessity come alive.

http://www.jewishworldreview.com -- I WASN'T taking any chances this time. I had it circled in red on my calendar and decided I would make this one memorable, especially since last year I forgot. Financially we were doing much better now, so I figured, all around, Ruthie deserved something special for our anniversary.

I know Ruthie likes me to surprise her. The problem arises when she doesn't like the surprise. To be more exact, she likes the surprise part, but not always my taste and originality. So I figured this time I had better do it right.

With only a few days left, I popped the question one morning before leaving for the office.

"How'd ya like a beautiful piece of gold jewelry?"

Let me tell you, one very happy wife followed me out to the car and kept waving as I turned out of the driveway.

I had already made some calls to find out where we could get a good deal. The name Sonya Arons was mentioned by a few friends. All the details checked out. She was nearby, had good prices, and top quality, so I called up for an appointment for that evening.

After dinner, Ruthie and I drove over. We ourselves were not sure what we wanted. Should we go for a necklace? A bracelet? Earrings? A pin? After about half an hour of selecting and rejecting, one of the bracelets caught Ruthie's eye, something new Sonya had just gotten in. Ruthie kept coming back to that piece and in the end we decided to take it.

Talk about happy! That was Ruthie. Talk about insurance payments -- that was me. Kidding aside, although I spent more than I had originally planned, Ruthie's ear-to-ear grin made it all worthwhile.

Two weeks later, as I walked through the door, Ruthie greeted me. I could tell right away something was wrong. She reached into her pocket, pulled out the new bracelet, and dangled it in front of me. It wasn't hard to figure out the problem. One quick look told me the bracelet had corroded. The gold was peeling off.

Ruthie explained that after she had worn it, she put it in her drawer. A few hours ago she had taken it out and noticed that it was ruined. There was nothing more to say. Despite all the recommendations, we had been had.

That evening we drove back to Sonya's home, with out an appointment. She opened the door, all smiles -- until she saw our faces. I'm surprised she let us in, but she did, and even asked us to sit down. I ill-humoredly placed the bracelet on the table without a word. The sight of the flaky gold piece spoke much better than anything we could say.

Sonya walked over to the table and picked up the blighted bracelet. How would she worm her way out of this, I was thinking. What would she say to defend herself?

We watched her examine it over and under, shifting it back and forth.

Then, Sonya looked up and announced solemnly, "Mercury."

I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly.

"Mercury?" I repeated. "Most probably. This bracelet must have been near mercury. That's the way gold looks when it comes in contact with that metal. Go home and check."

We did. When my wife opened her drawer, she found a broken thermometer and the pieces of mercury, just where the bracelet had been placed.

The universe is teeming with facts and phenomena unknown to most of us. How many people are aware, for example, of the effect of mercury on gold?

Being willing to consider that there may be some facts we are missing, that there may be another side to the story, makes our attempts at safeguarding our responses more pleasant for everyone.

In this way, judging favorably does not preclude taking action -- it precedes it.

Rebbetzin Yehudis Samet is a Jerusalem-based educator and author of It Wasn't How It Seemed, from where this story was adapted. Send your comments by clicking here.