Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Jan. 8, 2007 / 18 Teves 5767

Words to live by

By Mort Zuckerman

Mort Zuckerman
Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Here are my fantasies about what was said over the New Year's holiday, with inadequate acknowledgments to various contributors, some of whose words I've adapted a bit:

Democrats on the Republican congressional defeat: "Just remember it is lonely at the top when there is no one at the bottom."

The press 's attitude toward President George Bush: "People say satire is dead. It is not dead; it is alive and living in the White House."

The public 's contempt for corruption in politics: "Politics are so corrupt even the dishonest people get screwed."

The press on the new Congress: "You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think."

The Democrats on their contempt for the Republican health plan: "Just say no to sickness."

A politician 's assessment of TV commentary: "TV is the goose that lays the golden eggs. You can't blame it for not producing caviar."

The public 's skepticism about bipartisanship: "The word bipartisan in politics usually means some larger-than-usual deception is being carried out."

The public on politics in general: "Look up the word politics in the dictionary. It is the combination of two words: poli, which means many, and tics, which means bloodsuckers."

The Republicans on Democratic suburban liberals: "It is easy to be politically correct and liberal when you live in a gated community."

The press on the political attitudes of the different parties: "A Democrat sees the glass of water half full; a Republican looks at the same glass and wonders who the hell drank his glass of water."

The press on the press: "Asking a journalist what he thinks about a politician is like asking a dog what he thinks about a lamppost."

Al Gore on the war in Iraq: "If they want peace, nations should avoid the pinprick that precedes cannon shots."

The liberal Democrats on the Republican Party: "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in urging people to volunteer in their communities? Because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

An economist on the disparity of incomes and the flow of income to higher income brackets: "A fool and his money were lucky to get together in the first place."

On Christmas gifts: "I have all these people to give Christmas gifts to, and you know what I find? There are some very nice things at the 99-cent store."

On personal finance: "I went to the bank and went over my savings. I found out I have all the money I will ever need if I die tomorrow." "At the ATM, they ask if you would like to conduct your business in English or Spanish. I suggest you try Spanish because your account balance would look much better in pesos." And "Money can't find happiness, but it helps you look for it in more places; and what's the use of happiness if it can't buy you money?"

The public on the age of technology: "I shop at a computer store called 'Your Crap Is Already Obsolete.'"

Advice on life: "The definition of old is always 15 years from now." "You know you are getting old when you walk at the cemetery and two guys run after you with a shovel."

Middle age: "when your age is starting to show around the middle."

On dating: "Men always say the most important thing in a woman is her sense of humor. Do you know what that means? They are looking for someone to laugh at their jokes."

On life: "People who live in glass houses might as well answer the door."

On ethnic traditions: "My mother is a typical Jewish mother; they sent her home from jury duty when she insisted she was guilty."

On the work ethic: "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Mort Zuckerman is editor-in-chief and publisher of U.S. News and World Report. Send your comments to him by clicking here.

ARCHIVES

© 2005, Mortimer Zuckerman

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles