In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review January 4, 2008 / 26 Teves, 5768

What they should have said

By Mort Zuckerman

Mort Zuckerman
Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Here are my fantasies about what was said over the New Year's holiday, with inadequate acknowledgments to various contributors, some of whose words I adapted a bit:

New England Patriots football coach Bill Belichick: "Nobody ever says, 'It's only a game' when his team is winning."

President Bush after being roasted at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner: "I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

Bill Clinton on his political skills: "Never do card tricks with the group you play poker with."

Sen. Hillary Clinton on her instinct for the jugular: "My politics are borrowed from Mike Tyson, who said, 'Everybody has a strategy until I hit them.' "

Bill Clinton on a mean-spirited attack on Sen. Barack Obama by one of his wife's top aides: "Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain."

Mitt Romney on his multiple shifts in policy: "A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies it can invent."

Connecticut Sen. Joseph Lieberman on Democrats who didn't support his independent campaign: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."

Paul Bremer on his role as head of Iraq's Coalition Provisional Authority: "Anytime you have a fifty-fifty chance of getting something right, there's a 90 percent probability you will get it wrong."

President Bush on Congress's Democratic leadership: "They have delusions of adequacy."

The Democrats on the failure of intelligence in Iraq: "It is no use saying we are doing our best. You have to succeed in doing what is necessary."

Steve Jobs on merging Pixar with Disney: "A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship."

European Union envoy Tony Blair to the Palestinian leadership: "Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first."

Jennifer Aniston on being married to Brad Pitt: "I was married by a judge; I should have asked for a jury."

Tom Brokaw on retiring as anchor of NBC News: "I could have certainly slowed the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress."

Sen. John McCain on the immigration controversy: "The greatness of this country should be measured by the number of people trying to get in versus the number of people trying to get out."

Former U.N. Ambassador John Bolton on the United Nations: "The U.N. has been as effective against war as foghorns have been against fog."

Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger on sex education in California schools: "Let them teach it. If the schools teach sex the way they teach everything else, the kids will lose interest anyhow."

Jon Stewart on political comedy: "I don't approve of political jokes; I have seen too many of them get elected."

Rudy Giuliani's second wife: "My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was G-d, and I didn't."

Secretary of the Treasury Henry Paulson: "It is not possible for this nation to be politically internationalist and economically isolationist. This is just as insane as asking one Siamese twin to high-dive while the other plays the piano."

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke: "Balancing the budget is like going to heaven. Everybody wants to do it, but nobody wants to do what you have to do to get there."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Mort Zuckerman is editor-in-chief and publisher of U.S. News and World Report. Send your comments to him by clicking here.


© 2005, Mortimer Zuckerman