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Jewish World Review
August 23, 2006
/ 29 Menachem-Av, 5766
Conservative women are consumers, too
Dear High Fashion Cosmetics Manufacturers:
I want you to know that I am a conservative woman who shares something in
common with your millions of treasured liberal female consumers: the need
for a quality skin-care regimen. Perhaps this comes as a shock to you, but
conservative women also suffer chapped lips, rough elbows, undereye circles,
and ragged cuticles. (I speak with Absolute Authority on this.) The quest
for a good moisturizer transcends partisan politics. Our money is green,
like everyone else's. Oh, and we have feelings, too.
So when corporate boneheads in your industry (such as the ones at MAC
Cosmetics) hire left-wing celebrities (such as offend-a-holic Sandra
Bernhard) to hawk lip-plumping products by hurling epithets at us (such as
"little freaked out, intimidated, frightened, right-wing Republican
thin-lipped bitch"), we are not just going to roll over like tubes of
mascara across a make-up counter.
There was a time when you could get away with snubbing us so gratuitiously
a time before the Internet and the blogosphere and YouTube existed. No more.
When the gals at The Cotillion ( cotillion.mu.nu), a consortium of
conservative women bloggers, organized an online protest against MAC's
anti-Republican advertising mockery, the company realized a simple truth:
Politcizing beauty potions may be good for a few snickers in the
boardroom but it's plain bad business in Middle America.
Last Thursday, MAC ended the tempest in a gloss pot by issuing an apology:
"Thank you for taking the time to contact M.A.C. The Plushglass Sandra
Bernhard video on the MAC website has gotten enormous reaction. Sandra is a
provocateur and this is why MAC has worked with her. In monitoring these
reactions- we realized there was one sentence that was offending some of our
customers- which was not what this video was intended to do. We edited out
the one offending sentence out of respect to some of our customers. The MAC
philosophy is about embracing and welcoming everyone and celebrating
difference- ALL RACES, ALL SEXES, ALL AGES is our credo. We appreciate your
interest in M.A.C and hope we have the opportunity to serve you in the near
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Fine. I won't toss my must-have MAC lip conditioner unless the
Transportation Security Agency forces me to at the airport, that is. But let
this be a lesson learned, beauty barons. Your customers are not just
"Desperate Housewives" cast members and unhinged friends of Madonna. It's
not nice to bite the manicured hands of conservative women who feed you.
Take it from a big-mouthed Fox News Channel contributor who buys lip gloss
by the barrel. If you truly "respect" all of your customers, you won't go
out of your way to pay sneering "provocateurs" to antagonize a substantial
portion of them in the first place. The bottom line is that enhancing the
bottom line should be your top priority, not enhancing your popularity in
Note, by the way, how reflexively hypersensitive the corporate world can be
to certain politically correct segments of their consumer base versus
others. Remember when Burger King withdrew a product line of ice cream
desserts based on a single complaint by a British Muslim who claimed he was
offended by the swirly cone design on the container lid because he said it
resembled the Arabic inscription for Allah? And remember when athletic
footwear company Nike caved into the Council on American-Islamic Relations
over its nutty claim that one of the company's sneakers had a design on the
heel allegedly resembling, yes, the Arabic inscription for Allah? CAIR
mau-maued Nike into building three playgrounds for Islamic communities in
the the U.S. to atone for the claimed insult in addition to apologizing for
any unintentional offense, agreeing to a global recall of all products
carrying the design, and introducing sensitivity training for Nike
Can you imagine how much more militant the offended Muslim response would
have been if Burger King and Nike had gone out of their way as MAC did to
hire someone to deliberately provoke a significant portion of their customer
base? Imagine riots and burning buildings and fatwas. It's easy if you try.
Conservative women, for their part, will deal with their figurative fat lips
at the hands of MAC and mouthy Sandra Bernhard without threatening boycotts
or issuing death threats. No need to withdraw "Plushglass" or build us
playgrounds. A free MAC lip pencil should heal the pain just fine. I'll take
mine in Cranberry.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment on JWR contributor Michelle Malkin's column by clicking here.
Michelle Malkin Archives
In Unhinged: Liberals Gone Wild
adj : affected with madness or insanity; [syn: brainsick, crazy, demented, distracted, disturbed, mad, sick, unbalanced]
The American Heritage Dictionary
*** Warning: Unhinged liberals are hazardous to the nation's health.
They're slashing your tires. Burning your lawns. Heaving pies at Republican pundits. Hurling racist epithets at minority conservatives. Nursing nutty conspiracy theories. And pining publicly for the murder of President Bush.
And they call us crazy?
In In Unhinged: Liberals Gone Wild, Michelle Malkin plays conservative Margaret Mead to the alien political creatures of the American Left. With uproarious detail and rollicking reportage, Malkin chronicles the bizarre world of leftists gone mad in their natural habitats: the mainstream media, academia, Hollywood, and Washington.
Unhinged unmasks liberals who've completely abandoned rationality and reality. They're taking chainsaws and bayonets to campaign signs. Running down political opponents with their cars. Setting fire to political opponents in effigy. Defacing war memorials. Swiping yellow ribbons off cars. And supporting the fragging of American troops.
In Unhinged, you'll meet:
- The Top 10 Unhinged Leftists, Celebrities, Media Liberals, and Politicians. - The Pennsylvania Democrat who repeatedly screamed "faggot" at his Republican opponents on the Senate floor. - The Florida Democrat who tried to run down former Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris with his Cadillac. - The Democrat congressman who claimed the capture of Saddam Hussein was staged by GOP operatives to help the Bush re-election campaign. - The veteran newsman who claimed that Bush advisor Karl Rove and Osama bin Laden are working hand-in-hand to help the Republican Party. - And hundreds more unhinged liberals gone wild!
With wit, wisdom, and a bullet-proof vest, Michelle Malkin ruthlessly and raucously skewers the myths of liberal tolerance, peace, and civility. Unhinged shows how conservatives are driving their opponents mad. The good news for liberals? Self-help starts here.
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© 2005, Creators Syndicate