In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 13, 2006 / 20 Elul, 5766


By Michael Graham

Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The following is the future of America as envisioned by the Democratic Party. It is based on the assumption, frequently stated by Howard Dean, numerous US Senators and the editorial page of the New York Times, that the cause of the terror threat (if there is one) and the current state of the world is the presidency of George W. Bush:

Tuesday, November 7th, 2006: Win Democratic majorities in the House and Senate.

Wednesday, November 8th, 12:01am: First House subcommittee meets to consider impeachment of President George W. Bush. House parliamentarian points out that the new Congress doesn't actually take power until after January 1. Subcommittee retires to Rep. Patrick Kennedy's place for martinis and Ambien.

Wednesday, November 8th, at dawn: Soon-to-be former US Senator Joe Lieberman narrowly avoids being shot by a firing squad when all five Democrats involved turn out to be supporters of gun control.

January 1, 2007: Democrats formally take control of Congress. Their first budget withholds all future money for US troops in Iraq, and the Bush administration is forced to accept a mandatory withdrawal date of June 1, 2007.

June, 2007: Iraqi insurgents respond by immediately laying down their arms and supporting the elected government in Baghdad. Suicide bombings end, Iran and Syria stop supporting the insurgency, and the former members of Al-Qaeda in Iraq commemorate the occasion by sponsoring an Iraqi version of "Dancing With The Stars" featuring mixed Shia/Sunni couples, and Tucker Carlson.

July, 2007: Congress suspends payments for all Bush policies related to the "so-called War on Terror," but votes to deploy massive numbers of troops into Afghanistan, "where the terrorists REALLY are," says Democratic presidential candidate Sen. Hillary Clinton.

Fall, 2007: With more than 100,000 American soldiers swarming over Tora Bora, what are believed to be the remains of Osama bin Laden are discovered in a mountain cave, along with his trademark military flak jacket and a well-worn manual on animal husbandry with mildly erotic notations in the margins.

The death of Osama brings all worldwide terror to an end. The remnants of the Taliban surrender. They agree to support the Afghan democracy and even accept the return of music and television to Afghanistan, "other than programs featuring Tucker Carlson dancing."

January 2008: Impeachment proceedings against President Bush grind to a halt as Democratic leaders are unable to prevent Dick Cheney from becoming president. Congress and the White House strike an historic arrangement in which President Bush remains in office, but Vice President Cheney spends the remainder of his term as a detainee in Guantanamo Bay. Six months later, an angry Sen. Schumer is disappointed to learn that there really wasn't any torture at Gitmo.

Spring 2008: Congressional Democrats push through a bill to pay for every Jew in Israel to be moved via military transport to West Palm Beach, FL-as long as it's in time for the 2008 presidential election.

Election Day, 2008: The Clinton/Al Gore electoral landslide sweeps every state except Utah and South Carolina. Both states are immediately declared in violation of the Voting Rights Act and federal troops-recently returned from Iraq-impose martial law until a Democratic majority can be put into place. "As local Democratic voters stand up, American troops will stand down," President Hillary Clinton promises the people of Utah.

January, 2009: With Democrats in control of Congress and the White House, the terrorist threat is declared officially over. Standing on the deck of an aircraft carrier under a banner reading "Mission REALLY Accomplished," President Clinton announces that a peaceful Palestinian government is preparing to take over all the land that used to be Israel. Hamas will commemorate the event by breaking ground on a new synagogue and hosting a Barbra Streisand film festival in Gaza.

In Arab countries, Hezbollah has disbanded and Islamist clerics have abandoned their call for violent jihad and instead are hosting cable TV programs, taking advantage of the new press freedoms announced by Iran, Saudi Arabia and others after Bush's ousting. "Forget 'Death to America!," said one former Islamist in Damascus. "We're all watching 'The Iron Imam! What that man can do with a loin of goat…"

Finally….With Democrats in power, Iran suddenly no longer wants nuclear weapons. Neither does North Korea. Without the Bush administration, oil companies can no longer manipulate gas prices, which plunge to $1 a gallon. George W. is gone, and all is right with the world. This is the Democrats' plan for America's future.

If they have any other plan, it has not been made public as of this time.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Michael Graham is a talk show host at 96.9 FM TALK in Boston and author of the highly acclaimed "Redneck Nation: How the South Really Won the War." To comment, please click here.


© 2006, Michael Graham