In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 14, 2007 / 5 Teves, 5768

He's not Satan, he's my brother

By Kathleen Parker

Kathleen Parker
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Live From Des Moines! The recent controversy over whether Jesus and Satan are brothers has prompted Iowans to demand a new debate among Republican candidates.

Given the subject matter, organizers have invited an expert to moderate. Enid Strict, known to some as the Church Lady from "Saturday Night Live," has graciously agreed to get to the bottom of this confusing issue for the sake of the republic.

Church Lady: Hello, and thank you for giving me this opportunity to interrogate — I mean interview — these fine gentlemen, every one a sinner except for Mike Huckabee. Hi Mikey (makes kissy sounds).

Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Mr. Huckabee, is there something you'd like to say about the heretic Mormon standing to your right?

Mike Huckabee: Well, you know I would never question another person's religion, especially Mormonism, because I don't know anything about that doctrine, even though I have a degree in theology and am a Baptist minister and was once a speaker at the Southern Baptist convention that, ironically, was held in Salt Lake City.

Look, I don't know if Mormons are heretics or not. The sister of the wife of a friend of my first cousin mentioned something about Mormons believing that Jesus and Satan are brothers, but what do I know? I hardly even glanced at that book they handed out at the convention, "Mormonism Unmasked."

Church Lady: Did you say SATAN?????

Huckabee: Only as something I heard. Again, I would never question another person's religion. I have a hard enough time explaining my own.

Alan Keyes: Well, I can explain it.

Church Lady: Nobody asked you.

Alan Keyes: Forty million fetuses later, and you're bickering over whether Satan and Jesus are related. At least they were alive!!! Unlike 40 million souls obliterated in the womb, denied their constitutional rights and abandoned by the heritage of the Republican Party as Rudy Giuliani would do!

Church Lady: Are you insane??? How did you get on this stage? Who are you?

Fred Thompson: If I may interject, I think what the country needs is leadership. Thank you.

Church Lady: Well, isn't that special? Before we move on to Mr. Giuliani's love muffin, let me get back to Mikey — I mean, Mr. Huckabee — who is, I think, on to something here. Just to clarify: If the heretic Mormon thinks that Jesus and Satan are brothers, what else might he believe, hmmmmmm?

Mitt Romney: Excuse me, Madame Church Lady, but if I could just make a brief comment.

Church Lady: I'm not talking to you. Mikey, you have 30 minutes.

Alan Keyes: Why does he get 30 minutes and I get 30 seconds?

Church Lady: Because your eyes are popping out of your head.

John McCain: Excuse me.

Mike Huckabee: Thank you, Enid, if I may. And I wish I could take every minute of your generous offer to explain why I am the only real Christian standing on this stage, to tell the good people of Iowa and evangelicals everywhere why I — and not Mitt Romney — am The One, but I do have to part the Red Sea later today and so will have to cut my remarks short.

Let me just say, though, that I am really very sorry I ever mentioned the Jesus-Satan thing to that New York Times reporter, who took those words among 8,000 and made it sound like I was trying to remind voters that Mormonism is a false religion. I wasn't. Like I said, it was just something I heard.

Mitt Romney: Madame ...

Church Lady: I'm not talking to you.

Alan Keyes: I was for fetuses before Mitt Romney was for fetuses.

Fred Thompson: Madame, if I may just point out, I am the tallest person here today and should be president.

John McCain: Excuse me ...

Church Lady: Alrighty, alrighty, everybody shut up. We're out of time and we didn't even get to talk about Giuliani's naughty parts. Well, I guess out of Christian charity, we should give heretic Romney five or 10 seconds. Make that three.

Mitt Romney: Thank you, Madame Moderator. I just wanted to say that as president, I will put no doctrine of any church above the plain duties of the office and the sovereign authority of the law. And, of course, I forgive Mr. Huckabee, even though he knows exactly what he's doing.

Church Lady: Isn't that special.

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