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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 15, 2009 / 26 Elul 5769

Another Premature African-American Death

By Julia Gorin


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Friday's passing of Gertrude Baines at the age of 115 makes the case for reparations. It turns out she was the daughter of ex-slaves.


I'm not generally in favor of reparations, especially since I feel like the free market works in its own reparations. (I haven't bought an album by a white artist since 1989. What do you think R & B stands for? Reparations for Black people! Seriously, you've got white people everywhere buying up hip-hop and rap albums -- what do you think "rap" is short for? Raparations!)


But on the other hand, a common argument against reparations is that there are no living ex-slaves or their children to pay those reparations to. "How do we know?" I always ask in response. "Do you know how long black women live?"


No one had to tell me that Gertrude Baines was black. In fact, before Gertrude, the oldest person was a black woman named Lizzie Bolden, who died in 2006 at 116. And yet for some reason, it's a Jewish tradition to tell people on their birthdays, "May you live to 120!" When the relatives say this to me, I reply, "What -- do I look black to you?"


My people only say it; black people actually do it.


A few weeks ago the oldest dog, Chanel, died at the age of 21. That's 147 in dog years. Sure enough, the white dachshund belonged to a black woman!


Seriously, though, I've never heard of a black woman dying of old age or age-exacerbated conditions before turning 95. And I've often wondered if this has to do with how well black women age. When they're 40, they look 25; when they're 60, they start to look 40; when they're 80, you can tell they're at least 50. You don't know a black woman has aged -- until the funeral. At which point you lean into the casket and exclaim, "Oh no -- what happened? A car accident?"


"No--she was 108 years old!"


Even in the early 2000s, when black disco stars from the 70s were portrayed in film, the producers never had to find actors to play them -- they got the actual recording artists to play themselves. Because they looked essentially the same.


And take Nell Carter. Did she ever look any older from the way she did on "Gimme a Break"? Tragically, Carter died an untimely death in 2003 from diabetes-related heart disease at the age of 54 (that's 32 in black years). But I contend that her chances would have been better if she hadn't become Jewish. (And Republican on top of it, in case Jewishness wasn't stressful enough.)


In college I waited tables with a black girl named Regina, who was the first to point out to me that black women age better than white women. "Even women from some Hispanic cultures age better than white women," she added.


"Well that makes sense," I answered.


"What do you mean?" she asked.


I explained that if you think about it, black people are only expected to worry about other black people, mostly dealing with problems that afflict their communities. Hispanics look out for other Hispanics, and Asians take care of their own too. But white people have to think about everybody, and feel guilty about everything that happens to every kind of body. So who's gonna get the wrinkles?


You don't see the NAACP starting up a collection for poor Russian Jews. Puerto Ricans aren't trying to empower trailer park communities. There's no For the Wasps Foundation. It's white people who have to keep everyone happy. Why do you think we're so pale? Notice how hippies age the worst of anyone. Because they're so busy caring about everything, whether or not it needs caring about.


Come to think of it, I have a friend named Terri who's also my family's realtor. She's black, but one time I caught her putting brown foundation on her hands. I asked her why she was doing that and she told me she had a skin condition in which her skin changes color when she's under a lot of stress.


"To what color?" I asked.


"White."


So, Gertrude Baines, may you rest in peace. Being both Jewish and Republican, I certainly won't be able to do so down here. In fact, I'll probably make it only as far as my fellow Jewish Republican Nell Carter did, and will be coming to join you soon enough.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Julia Gorin is a widely published op-ed writer and comedian who blogs at www.JuliaGorin.com She's the author of the just-published "Clintonisms: The Amusing, Confusing, and Even Suspect Musing, of Billary". Comment by clicking here.

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© 2008, Julia Gorin.

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