In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 16, 2008 / 11 Iyar 5768

Superheroes: We Quit!

By Julia Gorin

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Theme Park executives and investors are looking toward the untapped Middle Eastern market for the next big amusement park, as they try to overcome the hurdles that make the concept a bit tricky, the AP recently reported in a piece popularly titled "Superheroes fly into Middle East":

"Wonder Woman, King Kong and Shrek are heading for the Persian Gulf as part of the rush to build what could become the world's largest theme park playground. But even as the ink dries on the billion-dollar deals in the United Arab Emirates, movie studios are grappling with ways to make their signature characters and amusement parks fly in the conservative Muslim region. Politically sensitive characters such as Captain America could be left at home."

Indeed, I can already hear Wonder Woman protesting, "I can't work in a hijab!…And what the hell is an abaya?"

Naturally, when the superheroes are first assigned their new mission, there will be some confusion, with the characters assuming they're going to the Persian Gulf to kick some anti-American, jihadist butt. After reminding the studios that their death-proof capabilities stop at suicide bombings, since only some of the X-Men have reassembling abilities, the superheroes will learn from executives that no, they're being sent in to defend the Muslim populations, not take them on.

"Ohhhhhhhhh," Spiderman will finally understand, "You mean these are the folks we're supposed to…protect? Well that sounds a lot easier! Uh…from what, exactly? Global warming?"

And think of Superman's dilemma when those he was sent to protect stage an atrocity and tell him, "The Jews did it!" Will he fly to Israel, as exhorted by Allah's flock, to erase the Zionist enemy from the map once and for all?

If the superheroes do the right thing and refuse, they will be stoned, bombed and accused of being as Jewish as the American military in Iraq — and the superheroes will have no choice but to turn against the very people they were sent to protect. Especially when the local populations hear that Superman is from Metropolis and Batman is from Gotham — that is, Hymie Towns.

Somehow, "Truth, Justice, and the Arabic Way" sounds a tad oxymoronic.

What will the filthy, un-Islamic canine sleuth Scooby Doo do? And given that King Kong is a giant ape, some customers might object to such a large Jewish presence at the park. For that matter, what is Porky Pig doing in the ad above? Here's a projected picture of Porky after the Looney Tunes Riots:

Consider also the problematic case in which a damsel in distress requires the help of Aquaman, who snatches her from the jaws of death or worse, rape. Only now Aquaman has handled the girl, since saving people requires physical contact, so before he moves to save her, Aquaman has to think carefully: What's worse — letting the victim succumb to her untoward fate, or save the victim only to be accused of fornication and thereby doom her to an honor killing? Such will be the wrenching decisions that our superheroes have never had to weigh before. And what to do when they spy a forlorn eight-year-old child bride of a pedophile? Who's the good guy and who is the bad?

If our superheroes make the wrong decisions in such conflicted close calls, they could wind up at the mercy of Sharia law. But Superman won't be able to fly as well with an amputated leg, and Wonder Woman needs both hands to repel bullets with her bracelets.

Most likely this is where our superheroes will draw the line and declare a strike, telling Marvel, Universal and Warner Brothers, "This isn't what we signed up for."

While "investors, studios and park operators are all aiming to cash in on what some observers call the Middle East's decades-long fascination with American culture," only Iran has a realistic sense of how minimal the potential here is:

"The displays of personalities such as Barbie, Batman, Spiderman and Harry Potter…are all warning bells to the officials in the cultural arena," according to Iranian Prosecutor General Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi, who said that these imports pose a threat to the 'identity' of the new generation.

Thank G-d someone still has his bearings. Suggested name for such a park: Never Land.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Julia Gorin is a widely published op-ed writer and comedian who blogs at www.JuliaGorin.com She's the author of the just-published "Clintonisms: The Amusing, Confusing, and Even Suspect Musing, of Billary". Comment by clicking here.

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