Home
In this issue
March 19, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: The Divine is in the details
JWisdom.com Stewards of sacrifice with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: Why Obama is waging war on Israel
March 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Israel's New Enemy: America?
JWisdom.com Love me not? with Rabbi David Aaron (5 minutes)
Jonathan Rosenblum: Washington Throws a Tantrum
March 17, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Orwell, Santayana, and Me
Jonathan Tobin: How Many Lives Is Biden's Pride Worth?
March 16, 2010
Steven Emerson: Combating Lawfare
JWisdom.com How to perform a miracle with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair (4 minutes)
Anne Bayefsky: Behind Obama's Dangerous Overreaction on Israel
March 15, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Father's obligations toward minor children
JWisdom.com Moody, Grumpy, Irritable Children with Sarah Chana Radcliffe (5 minutes)
Judith Graham: Get the whole picture before a CT
March 12, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: You CAN have Heaven on Earth
JWisdom.com Manufacturing mediums with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The march of the Red-Green brigades
March 11, 2010
Glenn Garvin: Conspiracy theories, why people believe them and how they spread
JWisdom.com For Yourself, Not By Yourself with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Turn leftovers into tasty New England hash
Paul Richter: Biden promises 'viable Palestine' is in the offing
March 10, 2010
Paul Greenberg: Death Checks In
JWisdom.com How To Get A (Real) Life with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( EXTENDED EPISODE)
Paul Richter: Israel exerts soverign right to its capital as Biden looks on astounded
Richard A. Serrano: 'Jihad Jane' indictment alleges threat from within U.S.
March 9, 2010
Wesley Pruden: Joe's Israeli adventure
JWisdom.com Free To Be (Responsibly) You and Me! with Rabbi Naftali Brawer ( 8 MINUTES)
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to rule on free speech in case of soldier's funeral
March 8, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Make a fuss about those who cuss?
JWisdom.com Finding or Losing Yourself? Here's How! with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Steven Emerson: America must learn from the UK about the future of Islamist subversion
March 5, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: Golden Calf still with us --- except it has multiplied
JWisdom.com The Limits of Eternity with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Biden's lost cause
March 4, 2010
Alan M. Dershowitz: How About A Real Campaign Against Abuses?
JWisdom.com Using Things, Loving People with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff ( 7 MINUTES)
Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkel's Everything's Relative
March 3, 2010
JWisdom.com Grasping The Name of Your Life Game with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( 8 MINUTES)
The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta : A cowboy's recipes for really good grub
March 2, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Someone's there
Diane Toroian Keaggy : Have we misunderstood Michelangelo?
March 1, 2010
JWisdom.com Whole in One with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Michael Muskal: Hillary meets with Israeli official, discusses gefilte fish dispute
Feb. 26, 2010
Rabbi Francis Nataf: The Megilla of Spring
JWisdom.com A Biblical Secret for a More Powerful You with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: When rhetoric rules the roost
Feb. 25, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: When walking away from your mortgage is both economically sound and makes ethical sense
JWisdom.com The Second Most Important Question in Your Life with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh ( 5 MINUTES)
Seema Mehta : U.S.-Israel relations raised in California's Senate race --- by conservatives
Feb. 24, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: The gift of the ‘prayer bomber’
Steven Emerson: Why Religious Freedom Commission is under attack
Feb. 23, 2010
Dennis Prager: Government, Yes! The Divine and Parents, No!
JWisdom.com The Last Laugh of Enlightenment with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair ( 5 MINUTES)
Anne Applebaum: Prepare for war with Iran --- in case Israel strikes
Feb. 22, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Is it not refreshing Tiger Woods' career has crashed and burned so dramatically?
JWisdom.com Esther and the third Truth with Rabbi David Aaron ( 9 MINUTES)
Kelly Brewington: Going smoke-free may raise diabetes risk
Feb. 19, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: Is the Divine beyond us or within us?
JWisdom.com Olympic Faith with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Israel and the West are perpetrators of a myth that endangers the Jewish State
Feb. 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Who is Rashad Hussain?
JWisdom.com A Wedding Disaster to Remember with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein ( 3 MINUTES)
Feb. 17, 2010
JWisdom.com Think your life is messed up? with Rabbi David Aaron ( 11 MINUTES)
Greg Logan: 'Greatest Jewish sporting event of all time since David versus Goliath' may be postponed because of bar mitzvah
Feb. 16, 2010
Anya Martin : Boy's 'cerebral palsy' fixed with diet
JWisdom.com Feet On The Street Spirituality with Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 8 MINUTES)
Marty Peretz: Let Europe Mind Its Own Business. It Brings Nothing To The Table Save For Mischief
Feb. 15, 2010
Herb Geduld: Lincoln and the Jews
JWisdom.com Are Our Children Really Ours? with Rabbi Mordechai Becher ( 5 MINUTES)
Susan King: 'Wolf Man' reflected writer's wartime Jewish experience

Jewish World Review August 7, 2006 / 13 Menachem-Av, 5766

Limits of protest

By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir


Printer Friendly Version

Email this article

Should I boycott my daughter's fashion show?


http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Q: My teenage daughter is very proud that she has been hired as a model for a fashion show, and she would like me to come. I have always considered these shows demeaning to women, and boycott them on principle, but my daughter doesn't really understand this and will be deeply insulted if her mother doesn't attend.


A. I commend your instincts. There's nothing wrong with women's clothing designers showcasing their new creations for potential customers, but most of these shows have men present and are showing off the models more than the clothes. Judaism recognizes the importance of beauty in strengthening the attraction between husband and wife, but our ideal of modesty completely rejects the idea of flaunting our bodies before anyone, and certainly before strangers.


It follows that boycotting these events as an act of protest, even if you personally are interested only in the designs, makes an important statement. The Talmud tells us that anyone who has the ability to make an effective protest and fails to do so bears responsibility for the lapses of others. The reason is that his or her silence will be interpreted as condoning wrongdoing.


"Anyone who has the ability to protest his family members and failed to protest, bears responsibility for his family members. Towards the residents of his city — he bears responsibility for the residents of his city. Towards the whole world — he bears responsibility for the whole world." (1)


The source for this responsibility is the concept of mutual responsibility, in Hebrew "arvus." The book of Leviticus describes the dangers which befall us if we abandon and despise G-d's commandments. Among the tragedies, it tells us (Leviticus 26:37), "And each man will stumble over his brother, as if before the sword, yet no one is chasing. And you will have no ability to stand before your enemies." The Talmud explains that this means that "each man stumbles in the sin of his brother — this teaches that all Israel are responsible for each other." (2) It seems unfair that one person should suffer for the sins of another, but it is understandable if we believe that each person is responsible for encouraging others to follow a constructive path in life.


The Talmud then goes on to explain that this responsibility is particularly great for a person's family members. And Maimonides writes that one of the most difficult things to atone for is showing insufficient care for the moral education of children. He counts among transgressions that are unique obstacles to repentance "one who sees his child in a corrupt lifestyle and doesn't protest, for his child is in his control and if [the parent] were to protest [the child] would withdraw; so if it is as if he actually causes [the child] to transgress. And this also includes anyone who has the ability to protest what others are doing, whether many or few, and didn't protest but rather abandoned them in their failure." (3)


So we must acknowledge that boycotting this demeaning event has an important educational message. Against this, however, we must notice a consistent condition mentioned in these admonitions of our sages. The first passage we cited opens: "Anyone who has the ability to protest." Maimonides explains that the parent is encouraging wrongdoing because "if [the parent] were to protest, [the child] would withdraw." The responsibility to protest is conditioned on the ability to make an effective protest.


But when our protest is likely to be unproductive, or counterproductive, we have to respond accordingly. The Talmud also teaches: "Just as it is a mitzvah [religious duty] for a person to say something that will be heard, so it is a mitzvah for a person not to say that which will not be heard." (4) This too applies particularly to a child, and Jewish law teaches that a person who rebukes a grown child too sternly may also be guilty of inducing him to transgress. A servant of the great sage Rabbi Yehuda the Prince saw a man spanking his grown son; she uttered, "This man should be placed under a ban, for he transgresses the commandment "Don't place stumbling block before the blind," and this refers to someone who hits a grown son." (5)


So while you can certainly not evade responsibility for trying to inculcate constructive values in your daughter and your community, careful thought is necessary before concluding that boycotting this event is the most productive course of action. If she is completely convinced of your support for her success and independence, then your absence could make a powerful educational message. But if she gets the message that you are trying to limit, control or manipulate her then you might find that you are weakening your educational impact on your daughter, rather than exercising it.


Given that you personally, as a mature woman, are part of the legitimate audience for a fashion show, and that your presence is of great importance to your daughter as a sign of your encouragement for her achievements, it may be that the lesser of two evils is to attend after gently explaining the reasons why in general you avoid these events. Then your presence will be properly interpreted. If conversely you decide not to go, you should emphasize to your teen that you are very proud of her success and independence, but it is really against your conscience to be present at an event which in your opinion reduces women to objects for men's amusement.


SOURCES: (1) Babylonian Talmud Shabbass 54b. (2) Babylonian Talmud, Shevuot 39a. (3) Maimonides' Code, Laws of Repentance 4:1. (4) Babylonian Talmud, Yevamos 65b.(5) Babylonian Talmud, Moed Katan 17a

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes inspiring articles. Sign up for our daily update. It's free. Just click here.

THE JEWISH ETHICIST, NOW IN BOOK FORM

You've enjoyed his columns on JWR for years. Now the Jewish Ethicist has culled his most intriguing — and controversial — offerings in book form.
HARDCOVER
PAPERBACK
Sales help fund JWR.



JWR contributor Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir, formerly of the Council of Economic Advisers in the Reagan administration, is Research Director of the Business Ethics Center of Jerusalem, Jerusalem College of Technology. To comment or pose a question, please click here.


Previously:

Should you respond to all those annoying email pop-up requests?
Do I have to reimburse someone who tried to do me a favor?
Seeking credit card debt settlement
Can I threaten to spread the word about someone who cheated me?
How can the terminally ill tap into their life insurance?
Is there value in an unhappy marriage?
Where does the Almighty fit into your corporation's mission statement?
Does an expert witness have to be impartial?
Should I give recognition to a modest man who did a great deed?
In representing my firm, can I tell a white lie?
Defrauding insurance to save a life
Can top level management unilaterally give away money to corporate dollars to charity?
Loans to Family Members
How much worker supervision is too much?
Should I turn in a colleague for inappropriate acts?
Priority in charitable giving
Trolls and ogres
How many hours of work is too many?
Can I promote my product by having it unobtrusively written into a story?
He's not heavy he's my brother
All's fair in war?, II
All's fair in war?
Girth vs. worth
Is it proper to tax bequests?
Ethics of Being Overweight
Penalized for working swiftly
When is it a bluff?
'Rate and switch'
My paycheck is late!
Should schools cater to an elite?
All's fair in love?
Comfort and Competition
Do I need the caller's permission to put a call on the speakerphone?
Overtime for lost time
Is it unethical to play suppliers against each other to get the lowest bid possible?
Do family members have precedence in charity allotments?
What the world of business can teach us about our annual process of repentance and renewal
Are religious leaders subject to criticism?
Vindictive Vendor: How can I punish an abusive competitor?
Blogging Ethics: Is the blogger responsible for defamatory posts?







© 2005, The Jewish Ethicist is produced by the JCT Center for Business Ethics