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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 13, 2007 / 4 Teves 5768

Twenty-five ways to capture bin Laden

By Dave Weinbaum


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I can't believe it's been over 6 years since the 9/11 al-Qaeda suicide murders and we're still searching for Osama bin Laden. Even if we haven't suffered one attack on US soil since, Bush has left a gap in his legacy the width of that "Mission Accomplished" banner that somehow appeared on that warship, oh so long ago. Yet, as we go to press, the worst mass murderer of our time is still on the loose.


And, just to rub it in, the bearded one is making more movies than Alec Baldwin.


Obviously, delegating the task to semi-conflicted "allies" in Pakistan and Afghanistan isn't getting the job done.


Once again I've taken it upon myself to help out our well meaning and yet, at times, inept president. Below is a laundry list of ways to trap the most wanted man in the world.


1. IRS-With all those American connections with Bush, I'm sure bin Laden is overdue for an audit. Does he even file? Don't snicker, its how we got Al Capone!

2. Alimony, child support-Get the DFS on his trail. The man has had his share of wives, divorces and children. So what if he's a billionaire? I'll bet Osama's delinquent with something!

3. Blackbeard day at Disney World.

4. Landlord-With all those hiding places being sought after, cave leases have gone through the roof or the bat openings. I can just see Huma, the landlady, nail an eviction notice on Osama's front rock because of past due rent.

5. Whitney Houston-I heard he had the hots for her. Now "Bobby less" maybe The Whitney will take one for the country. It's not like she's selling out concerts or anything.

6. Tail Sean Penn or a variety of "stars". Now that Chavez has lost the election, Fidel is ill, and Putin is jailing or plugging every refusenik he can find, Osama seems the best bet to show hatred for Americ.I mean Bush.

7. Send Ed McMahon knock on his rock with a ten Million dollar check.

8. Throw a Nazeeya's Secret Burhka lingerie party for harem, and count on Osama and his buds to crash it.

9. Dialysis machine recall.

10. Obama offers Osama the VP ticket because it'll read so cool on a button.

11. Bill's black book rumored lost in Arab Emirates during one of his highly paid speeches.

12. Tell the "boys" Osama squealed on Vinnie.

13. Buy one get one falafels at local Hummus Hut.

14. Offer 12 step program for unrepentant terrorists at same Rehab center as Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

15. Offer Santa Claus gig at Macy's-Tell him he can soften his image by dying his Beard white while wearing Santa's cap. He can even replace the reindeer with his camels as long as he paints the lead beasts' nose a bright red.

16. Religious exchange day with the Pope.

17. Hillary sends in the private dicks she retains to find and bully Bill's bimbos to harass bin Ladens' favorite goat

18. Have him served and arrested with the Clinton Administrations' 1998 indictment.

19. Google Earth Northern Pakistan and Afghanistan.look for the tallest guy there.

20. Falafel Fry Friday at the Mosque.

21. Send Hillary to live with him. He'll surrender within a week.

22. Promise him a PR campaign with Oprah to show he's a victim not an "evildoer."

23. Match.com for Mullahs

24. Surprise 50th Birthday party at local Hooter's.

25. Spread a rumor that Osama named his son's teddy bear "Mohammed."


Ludicrous you say?


How has the hunt for Osama been goin' so far? What do we have to lose? If we don't capture or kill Bin Laden and his ilk — everything.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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© 2005, Dave Weinbaum

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