How to get away with murder in America

Got a real hatred for someone? A little greedy? Covet someone else's booty? Been slighted by your boss, bank, butcher, baron, boyfriend, babe? Tired of the daily slog of honest work? Is your Uncle Vinnie unavailable to help because he's confined to a gated community?

Wanna live the life of a rich slave and get hundreds of thousands in welfare via housing, disability, medical, food stamps you can party with, sell drugs with the thugs AND get away with murder?

Yes, there is a price.

You have to sell your soul to the Democratic Crime Party.

Will the FBI create its own witness protection program to hide in?

Join Obama's newest quest for permanent power: Join THE JUSTICE UNTOUCHABLES!

You too can thrive in the Progressive world like Former AG, Eric Holder. Start a gun-running business to the drug cartels in Mexico! Then sit back and rake in the dough as they murder US border guards and American tourists with their newly-gifted automatic weapons.

You won't get arrested. In fact you'll get to know why those lovely Mexican drug pushers are such good golfers. They're always shooting holes in Juan!

Crime is even more profitable with new AG Loretta Lynch. Let recently retired 5th Amendment-pleading Lois Lerner do your taxes and you'll get refunds galore! As hotel billionaire, Leona Helmsley famously said, "Only Tea Party peons pay taxes" or something to that effect. Instead of pleading the 5th, you'll be drinking all the fifths you want! Bring on the Dom Perignon and Beluga caviar!

Just in case you're subject to an act of G0d—an earthquake, lightning strike or a failure to pay off a progressive pol for your government goodies—you could find yourself indicted!

Whatever you do, don't plead the 5th—just pay up the vig and principal, hire Lawyer Lanny Davis and watch your case go all the way to the Supreme Court. It'll cost you, but one sentence from B. Hussein will signal a thumbs up to The Supremies and you'll be scot free! No legal jeopardy! Just don't make the mistake of not paying off on time— ever again.

It won't be too long before President Obama gives you a tax-payer subsidy to build a hot air—I mean— wind farm that you can bankrupt. After screwing it up, and stiffing your suppliers by going bankrupt—in about a year, you walk away with a cool half billion dollars! Doubt me? Google Solyndra.

You might decide to join the Democrat Crime Syndicate and run for office. After losing a primary to the eventual president, you might take a job as Secretary of State. Then you can walk on water or at least all the governments and people you hate! It's almost like you're queen of the planet!

You'll have power to destroy vast swaths of Northern Africa, the Mideast and all the allies you desire. Maneuver long-time leaders like Ghaddafi of Libya and Mubarak of Egypt into death or jail. You can bring on the very terrorists who attacked us on 9/11 to run things your way. Heck, you can even send weapons to terrorists in Syria to annihilate another leader you don't like.

If Libya goes awry and terrorists murder your unguarded embassy employees over an eight-hour attack, including the first US Ambassador to be killed since 1979 you can prevaricate all you want. Even if a Republican Congress outs you for the congenital liar you are, the press will cover for you.

Now, you're on a clear track to become The President of the United States!

Yep, it's good to be UNTOUCHABLE!

The Supreme Court, Justice Department, IRS, Military, Congress, health industry and media are all on board. There's only one pillar remaining that could muddy the waters.

THE FBI! Are there any cojones left in that institution?

We'll see!

Where's Elliot Ness when you need him?

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DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state.