Home
In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 22, 2007 / 10 Mar-Cheshvan

Sandy's secret: TopSecretBriefs.com

By Dave Weinbaum


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Sandy Berger is back in the news. The ex-NSA Clinton Administration scion was caught smuggling and snuggling classified documents into his underwear and socks. No stranger to scandal, Berger was fined $23,000 for failure to sell his Amaco stock during Clinton's first term. He was also criticized for not alerting President Clinton on China's acquirement of our nuclear warhead designs.


Berger of the lucky party club was fined $50,000 with no jail time for what was arguably espionage of the country's top secrets.


Now Sandy's been uncovered as an "unpaid" advisor to Hillary Clinton.


Scooter Libby was convicted of lying to a grand jury…just like Bill Clinton. Libby wasn't even charged with the crime special persecutor Scott Fitzgerald was assigned to investigate, the outing of Valerie Plame as an undercover CIA operative. The Scoot got shafted with jail time plus a fine. President Bush pardoned his jail sentence so he wouldn't have to hear, "Hey Scooter, would you please pick up my soap?" from some lifer named "Bubba." Thus far Scooter Libby's career is over.


Not Sandy Berger!


Berger, ever the opportunist, has started a company based on his misadventures. He calls it "Sandy's Secret"; an underwear/lingerie company for scandal ridden, absent minded, legacy seeking politicians.


My senator won a dance contest. She did a mean wiretap
Sandy took a page out of Rush Limbaugh's EBay embarrassment of 41 Democratic Senators. They fraudulently attacked Rush after their "Pretreaus Betray us" embarrassment on the senate floor and were stupid enough to send a letter to Rush's employer. Now those senators are paralyzed by the self described "harmless puffball" Rush has them on slow unauthorized but legal torture while selling the missive on the EBay rack…and all for a good cause: the college educations of children of Marines killed in action.


These same Moveon.org controlled Senate whores have soiled the floor of what was once the most eloquent example of democratic government on the face of the earth.


At this time, the letter denouncing Rush is closing in on six figures, to be matched by Limbaugh. These Libiots have unintentionally given Limbaugh a boost worthy of winning the talk show host World Series and Super bowl combined.


Like Rush, Sandy knows the value of celebrity to make money. Similar to a delicatessen in Manhattan, selling the Seinfeld Ham on rye, he's using these public figures for his garments:


ALGORE-Man Bro, with Global Warming resistant clasp and expandable latex for those larger documents. Working on a chastity belt lock-box with a secret compartment. Next year? Polar bear briefs and bros. Hey you have to put those drowned arctic creatures to good use!

Hillary-Tummy and document tucking girdle, all far left snaps, with a wireless receptor focused on the phones of her most effective opponents in America, talk radio.

Edward Kennedy-The extra large Teddy pockets fit docs AND flasks.

George Soros-Deep pockets and that's all. Trap door in the regular pocket lets info flow to top of the socks.

Bill Clinton-Automatic zipper for those quick encounters…electrified to prevent unwanted "probes" from prying female senator presidential candidates. This has nothing to do with stealing docs. Bill delegates all THAT.

Larry and Barney-special tap socks. For small docs. Bathroom adventures not included.

Nancy Pelosi-'Roo thongs. When you stuff the pouch, they tighten up. Explains that stupid pained grin frozen on her face. It's really a grimace. The suffering this woman has taken for her party is amazing!

Michael Moore-Fake pregnancy body suit. The mother of all secret documents carriers. You can actually fit all the Clinton scandals papers in the plastic pliable womb. And it stretches enough to hide a stained blue dress. Guaranteed not to leave stretch marks.

Lorena Bobbit Scissors-Free with every order. Great for shredding implicating documents and, AHEM, philandering husbands.


There you have it.


Don't go into the national archives naked. Go in prepared! As Sandy said at his press conference, "Never get caught with last year's underwear!"


Now THERE'S a public servant.


This Jew will be on the golf course trying to "perfect" his unorthodox swing…


Thanks for the inspiration, Ann.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



Archives


© 2005, Dave Weinbaum

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles