In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 2, 2009 / 14 Tishrei 5770

Ahmadinejad claims US slavery a hoax; Pledges to 'wipe America off the map'

By Dave Weinbaum

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | In an astonishing change of verbiage, President Obama's favorite let's-sit-down-to-chat Islamofacist, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, has left the Holocaust denial business momentarily for a new claim. Mad (our president's endearing nickname for the little Hitler wannabe) said, "Slavery never occurred in the USA . It was a hoax to get welfare, Affirmative Action and elect Obama president. America is an enemy of Islam! We will wipe you off the map!" He claimed this just as Iran 's second underground nuke plant was exposed to the world.

This precipitated a heated phone call from Dear Leader to Jihad Central in Tehran : "Hey Mad, what's up with the slavery lie? Thought we agreed it was okay to denounce the Jew Hallycoaster thing, but why are you calling slavery a fake?"

Mad: "Mr. President, I may be Mad, but I'm NOT one of your stupid Kool-Aid drinkers! At the UN, Little Devil Netanyahu gave irrefutable evidence that the Holocaust really happened. I had to maintain at least a falafel of credibility. In case you hadn't noticed, evil revolutionaries have taken to the streets."

Obama: "I was too busy chairing the UN Security Council--you know the one where we vowed to rid the world of all nuclear weapons?!"

(Two full minutes of laughing from both.)

Obama: "Mad, didn't I support you and the Mullahs when you stole that election and Persians were rioting in the streets? Didn't you hear that fool Zbigniew Brzezinski call for the US to shoot down Israeli planes that might attack you? Couldn't you have found something else to mock?"

Mad: "Like what?"

Obama: "Well, you could pick on the Christians for a change."

Mad: "Aren't YOU a Christian?"

Obama: "Oh yeah. Sometimes I forget. Mad, you can't ridicule slavery. It's the basis of my power. My backers are blacks, Hispanics, Native Americans, 60's radicals, Socialists, Communists, anarchists, Muslims, Hollywood , and all whites stupid enough to feel guilty about stuff they had nothing to do with. I've even got the support of 80% of American Jews!

(Three minutes of hysterical rib-cracking laughter from both.)

Mad: "I thought your lineage didn't come from slavery. Wasn't your mother white and your father a black Kenyan Muslim?"

Obama: "Yeah, but if you look, walk, and talk like an angry slave victim…Besides, how do you think all those blacks got into the USA ?"

Mad: "Illegal Immigration! The point is there's much less proof of slavery happening than six million Jews slaughtered by the Germans. Our Nazi heroes kept too many records, and there are still Hebe survivors, with numbers tattooed on their arms. Why, oh Allah, why!?"

Obama: "All right. How long before the world forgets Bibi's speech? Can you believe I'm getting pressure to actually talk to General McChrystal in Afghanistan ? I can only stall on his request for troops for so long. Forty-three US soldiers have been killed since I shelved McChrystal's plea. I'm gettin' all sorts of heat."

Mad: "And, thanks to Allah, you're such a talented con man! I give it another week, Bam and Netanyahu's speech will be totally forgotten."

Obama: "Okay, then you'll get back to the Hallycosty denial, right?"

Mad: "As Allah is my witness, Mr. President. Let me add, the Mullahs and I appreciate the stranglehold you've put on Israel ."

Obama: "All in the name of peace, Mad. But I'm warning you; if you don't back off the slavery BS, I'll lay into your nuke plants like Glenn Beck just nailed Valerie Jarrett."

Mad: "Heaven Forbid!"

Obama: "Asalami, my Mad friend."

Mad: "May children throughout the world continue to sing your praises!"

Obama: "All praise to ME!"

Mad: "Kerr Khar Bokker! (kiss my donkey's p#&*%#@s.)"

Obama (hearing Snickering mullahs in the background): "Uh, what's THAT mean?"

Mad: "Long live President Obama!!!" As full laughter breaks out in Jihad Central.

Obama: "Okay, then off to Copenhagen . Gotta bring back the billions to pay off my peeps….I mean gotta get those Olympics for Chi-town!"

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JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum hosts DaveWeinbaum.com. He is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic and resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.


© 2009, Dave Weinbaum