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Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 29, 2008 / 28 Menachem-Av 5768

Hillary women to Obama: That's no way to treat a lady

By Dave Weinbaum


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I may not be the most suave and debonair man in the world, but I believe I can fake it long enough to learn how to ease the pain women endure from male slights, real or imagined. Personally, given another chance through my final serious relationship, I intend to become as sensitive as my male DNA will allow.


I'm so sensitive; it brings tears to my eyes just to write this


That includes going out of one's way to be considerate of emotions, give accolades, take blame, and most importantly, be in tune with her feelings as a present and real value in her connection to you, during times of victory and more importantly, times of loss.


Like a good massage, rubbing a woman the right way, even an especially a tough one may not mend a broken heart, but she'll feel damn better, maybe even blissful for a while…let's say until after November 4th?


Those on a campaign budget need not worry. Here are some temporary solutions while you're thinking up something more substantial:


¢

  • A dozen roses.

  • Chocolates

  • American flag pin (Heck give her yours, Barack. You ain't wearin' it)

  • A tangerine pantsuit…

  • A card with sweet flattering thoughts.


The most cost effective rejuvenators of them all would have been to HAVE HER VETTED! Obama should have backed up the trucks and gotten all those Rose Law Firm records, reanalyzed that blue dress, and done more DNA investigation on Vince Foster's gun.


They say nothing pleases a woman you've defeated in a nasty primary more than to consider her for your VP. There is no doubt Hillary would have swooned like the first day she traded winks with Bubba through those two inch thick glasses.


That'll give Obama the time he needs to focus on what are becoming larger and larger tasks:


  • How to keep his true history secret until AFTER the election.

  • How to keep the "Hope and Change" scam going in light of the recession that isn't happening and the Iraqi war that is now, much to Dem's dismay, on the verge of victory.


TOGA, TOGA, TOGA…


Don't forget Barack, Hillary has allowed you the last word.


Let us now prepare to witness the spectacle of Invesco Field at Mile High, turned into a replica of a Greek Temple, symbolic of praying to the gods of the ancients.


I heard they tried to move Mount Sinai to the Rockies, but it was booked for a Bar Mitzvah. Not even the Messiah could bribe the proud dad on his son's day.


If you have a date with destiny, don't stand her up


Least you forget, Messiah, Hillary isn't a one-speech stand and neither are her 18 million followers. Further, if you can't appease Hillary, how do you expect to effectively cower before the likes of Ahmadinejad, Chavez, and Hezbollah?


Soon it'll be the Republican turn to create an "event" to combat the Billary show AKA the Democratic Convention, with some of their own pizzazz.


In the opinion of Fox News Contributor and publisher, Bill Crystal, all McCain need do is anoint Hillary his VP, and say to hell with all the conservatives.


Election Over!


Like little league baseball, the country will invoke the slaughter rule by acclamation and call the election early. McCain and Billary will run the world without the expense and breast beating of a wasteful campaign. The only offset will be the extra expense McCain will need for food tasters.


So if I were you, Barack, I'd get on my knees stat, and beg Hillary to take any position she wants in your administration, be it secretary of state, UN Ambassador, head of homeland security, or back in her old position, Health Care CEO.


Then, and only then, can you beg Hillary for her hand in true support.


And don't forget to ask, "Can you fix me up with 12 million of your sisters, too?"

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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© 2005, Dave Weinbaum

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