I may not be the most suave and debonair man in the world, but I believe I can fake it long enough to learn how to ease the pain women endure from male slights, real or imagined. Personally, given another chance through my final serious relationship, I intend to become as sensitive as my male DNA will allow.
I'm so sensitive; it brings tears to my eyes just to write this
That includes going out of one's way to be considerate of emotions, give accolades, take blame, and most importantly, be in tune with her feelings as a present and real value in her connection to you, during times of victory and more importantly, times of loss.
Like a good massage, rubbing a woman the right way, even an especially a tough one may not mend a broken heart, but she'll feel damn better, maybe even blissful for a while…let's say until after November 4th?
Those on a campaign budget need not worry. Here are some temporary solutions while you're thinking up something more substantial:
A dozen roses.
American flag pin (Heck give her yours, Barack. You ain't wearin' it)
A tangerine pantsuit…
A card with sweet flattering thoughts.
The most cost effective rejuvenators of them all would have been to HAVE HER VETTED! Obama should have backed up the trucks and gotten all those Rose Law Firm records, reanalyzed that blue dress, and done more DNA investigation on Vince Foster's gun.
They say nothing pleases a woman you've defeated in a nasty primary more than to consider her for your VP. There is no doubt Hillary would have swooned like the first day she traded winks with Bubba through those two inch thick glasses.
That'll give Obama the time he needs to focus on what are becoming larger and larger tasks:
How to keep his true history secret until AFTER the election.
How to keep the "Hope and Change" scam going in light of the recession that isn't happening and the Iraqi war that is now, much to Dem's dismay, on the verge of victory.
TOGA, TOGA, TOGA…
Don't forget Barack, Hillary has allowed you the last word.
Let us now prepare to witness the spectacle of Invesco Field at Mile High, turned into a replica of a Greek Temple, symbolic of praying to the gods of the ancients.
I heard they tried to move Mount Sinai to the Rockies, but it was booked for a Bar Mitzvah. Not even the Messiah could bribe the proud dad on his son's day.
If you have a date with destiny, don't stand her up
Least you forget, Messiah, Hillary isn't a one-speech stand and neither are her 18 million followers. Further, if you can't appease Hillary, how do you expect to effectively cower before the likes of Ahmadinejad, Chavez, and Hezbollah?
Soon it'll be the Republican turn to create an "event" to combat the Billary show AKA the Democratic Convention, with some of their own pizzazz.
In the opinion of Fox News Contributor and publisher, Bill Crystal, all McCain need do is anoint Hillary his VP, and say to hell with all the conservatives.
Like little league baseball, the country will invoke the slaughter rule by acclamation and call the election early. McCain and Billary will run the world without the expense and breast beating of a wasteful campaign. The only offset will be the extra expense McCain will need for food tasters.
So if I were you, Barack, I'd get on my knees stat, and beg Hillary to take any position she wants in your administration, be it secretary of state, UN Ambassador, head of homeland security, or back in her old position, Health Care CEO.
Then, and only then, can you beg Hillary for her hand in true support.
And don't forget to ask, "Can you fix me up with 12 million of your sisters, too?"