In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 16, 2008 / 11 Iyar 5768

Hillary: It ain't over 'til the Pantsuit Lady sings

By Dave Weinbaum

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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dear Hillary,

As long as you're going to appropriate quotes from my columns and use it in your campaign, you may as well hire me. The title above was taken from my article published in JewishWorldReview.com from last Friday.

You used it, Sunday, albeit changing it a smidgeon and on Monday the press and voters went wild over it. Even the women on the View brought it up as a "cute hot topic."

Then on Tuesday you had your biggest victory to date. I say, with all lack of modesty, it's no mystery to me why you won W. Virginia by almost a 3 to 1 margin.

Remember last week, before you started using my words? You got whooped in N. Carolina and barely eked out a victory in Indiana where you were highly favored.

Senator, you need to hire me as your campaign manager.

Here's the deal. I get you elected, and then you utilize me as chief advisor. We must find your core, since you apparently lost it since "evolving" away from conservatism.

Besides, Mark Penn screwed up your campaign for millions, I guarantee I can mess it up for a lot less.

And what's up with that yattering Louisiana Cajun'?

I thought James Carville was stuck to you Clintons at the gumbo. He says he's got a check ready and waiting for Obama, for heaven sake. With friends like him and Richardson, you need someone like me.

Senator Clinton, I think we should do this formally to avoid all suspicions of the dreaded back door deal.

Consider this my job application.

Job sought: Campaign Manager…secondary spot, speech writer…desperation post…intern castin…I mean hiring. Bill can't do everything, can he?

Mission: Get Hillary Clinton (NOT BILL) elected to the president of the United States, preferably in 2008, but most certainly in 2012.

Here's my experience:

  • In High School I tried out for the violin, but only made it to the third string.

  • After college, I applied to be an astronaut, but they ran out of space.

  • I was going to run for office, but the skeletons in my closet filibustered against it.

  • After passing an internet course in Far Eastern medicines, I applied for a job as an acupuncturist, but there were too many holes in my application.

  • I was going to be a psychic, but there was no future in it.

One main attribute is I'm from Chicago, grew up in Skokie, and went to Evanston High about the same time you went to Maine East. That makes us almost like twins. I remember playing football against your school one Friday night, and some silly laugh coming from the stands as I missed a block. I looked up and saw a chick with thick glasses downing whiskey shots. Was that you?

I'm ready and rarin' to go. I think that with the backing of Rush in Operation Chaos, Ann Coulter and her pom-poms, and my expert strategery and one liners, you'll kick Obama's butt easily. Then we'll sell the super delegates on Barack's unelectability, and win the nomination.

Then it's on to that tree-loving pansy war hero, posing as conservative, John "Save Anwar" McCain.

Besides, if you liked the title line, I've written 40,000 more. The one that seems most appropriate to your current situation is, "Victories often occur when you see no way to succeed, but refuse to give up anyway." Or "Never give up, never let up, and you'll never let yourself down."

Let's face it Senator.


Besides, you're not the only one that looks good in pantsuits.

The last campaign manager you'll ever need

Dave Weinbaum 555-CON-SERVE .

PS. If you don't hire me, could you put in a good word at the University of Colorado? I hear they have one opening for a professor that isn't an America hating Marxist.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.


© 2005, Dave Weinbaum