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Jewish World Review May 16, 2008 / 11 Iyar 5768 Hillary: It ain't over 'til the Pantsuit Lady sings By Dave Weinbaum
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Dear Hillary,
As long as you're going to appropriate quotes from my columns and use it in your campaign, you may as well hire me. The title above was taken from
my article published in JewishWorldReview.com from last Friday.
You used it, Sunday, albeit changing it a smidgeon and on Monday the press and voters went wild over it. Even the women on the View brought it up as a "cute hot topic."
Then on Tuesday you had your biggest victory to date. I say, with all lack of modesty, it's no mystery to me why you won W. Virginia by almost a 3 to 1 margin.
Remember last week, before you started using my words? You got whooped in N. Carolina and barely eked out a victory in Indiana where you were highly favored.
Senator, you need to hire me as your campaign manager.
Here's the deal. I get you elected, and then you utilize me as chief advisor. We must find your core, since you apparently lost it since "evolving" away from conservatism.
Besides, Mark Penn screwed up your campaign for millions, I guarantee I can mess it up for a lot less.
And what's up with that yattering Louisiana Cajun'?
I thought James Carville was stuck to you Clintons at the gumbo. He says he's got a check ready and waiting for Obama, for heaven sake. With friends like him and Richardson, you need someone like me.
Senator Clinton, I think we should do this formally to avoid all suspicions of the dreaded back door deal.
Consider this my job application.
Job sought: Campaign Manager…secondary spot, speech writer…desperation post…intern castin…I mean hiring. Bill can't do everything, can he?
Mission: Get Hillary Clinton (NOT BILL) elected to the president of the United States, preferably in 2008, but most certainly in 2012.
Here's my experience:
I'm ready and rarin' to go. I think that with the backing of Rush in Operation Chaos, Ann Coulter and her pom-poms, and my expert strategery and one liners, you'll kick Obama's butt easily. Then we'll sell the super delegates on Barack's unelectability, and win the nomination.
Then it's on to that tree-loving pansy war hero, posing as conservative, John "Save Anwar" McCain.
Besides, if you liked the title line, I've written 40,000 more. The one that seems most appropriate to your current situation is, "Victories often occur when you see no way to succeed, but refuse to give up anyway." Or "Never give up, never let up, and you'll never let yourself down."
Let's face it Senator.
YOU WANT ME ON THAT TRAIL. YOU NEED ME ON THAT TRAIL!
Besides, you're not the only one that looks good in pantsuits.
Sincerely,
Dave Weinbaum 555-CON-SERVE .
PS. If you don't hire me, could you put in a good word at the University of Colorado? I hear they have one opening for a professor that isn't an America hating Marxist.
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JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Dave Weinbaum |
Mitch Albom | |||||||||||
