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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review May 7, 2007 / 19 Iyar, 5767

I wanted to be a lawyer, but I lost my appeal

By Dave Weinbaum


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | I've always liked to fight. First fisticuffs as a kid, then bickering as an adult. One would have thought I'd be a natural for the world's second oldest profession, lawyer. But somehow the gift of argument came much later in life and any reasonable chance to become an attorney before death do me part, passed me by.


In retrospect, I'm glad that I was led to another career. Even as a lawyered-up client, I've had my fill of discovery, delay, courtroom drama, delay, incompetent lawyers, arrogant judges, and…more delay.


It's not that I don't like lawyers and judges. I get along splendidly with them. I've even been seen with them publicly.


They love me.


I keep them in business.


I pay my bills, I'm always opening my big mouth, and I have businesses that are susceptible to lawsuits. I'm known in the legal profession as a SHU…Super Heavy User.


I've even been mistaken for a lawyer and wasn't insulted…too much.


Several lawyers have added "Weinbaum" wings to their already palatial homes. You'd think they'd at least invite me to stay when I'm in town.


I don't' discriminate as to the lawyers I hire.


I consider my primary lawyer a friend.


He's an old German. I'm a Jew. I came to find out that a close relative of his was a Nazi officer close to Hitler. My lawyer's beliefs are opposite of his relative. However, when he asked me to kneel and kiss his ring after he won a case for me, I refused. I reminded him it that unless his name was Schindler, it was about time a German SAVED a Jew for a change.


I quit my job as a divorce lawyer…too many splitting headaches


Anyhow, I digress. Here's what I find distasteful about our legal system:

Delays during divorce proceedings when children are involved.

Lack of effective policing of wayward, activist, and arrogant judges. Remember Terry Schiavo.

Unnecessary delays.

Fraudulent lawsuits.

Did I mention unnecessary delays?


I hear GM has invented a new safety car. The steering wheel is in the middle and a lawyer is installed on each side as airbags


Humbly suggested solutions:

Term limits for judges. Are lifetime appointments the answer when we have had a history of judges ruling from the bench with Alzheimer's and dementia? Wasn't it a hint when Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's head hit the counter like a gavel? She was counting her ACLU sheep, while the court was in session and hearing argument. I propose a 10 year term. That's enough time. Then judges can come down off their lofty thrones to make a living like the rest of us peons.

Independent panels not connected to legal profession to punish/suspend/or terminate licenses to practice law. Once Newt Gingrich suggested to me that we could always impeach wayward judges. I asked him how it worked out when they prosecuted Clinton. He seemed stumped. Look at the nutty judge that sued his dry cleaners for $65 million buckaroos for loosing one pair of pants. Is this the kind of guy we want deciding lawsuits? Well maybe if I'm the plaintiff…

Tort reform; making those ruled to have filed fraudulent suits liable for damages, and legal fees of defendants. (Already done in England, the basis of American law.) Seems reasonable to most except when you bring it to the attention of lawyers in congress. I mentioned tort reform to then Senator John Ashcroft and recently the top lawyer in the land. It was like I insulted his religion. It might actually deprive lawyers of some business, albeit the fraudulent kind that's tantamount to extortion. Ever wonder why your insurance rates are so high? Ever wonder why doctors refuse to practice in certain states?

Any judge or lawyer must be required to end custody suits within 6 mos. of filing on an expedited basis. Yes that means pushing it ahead of vital issues like who gets this plate and that fork.

Want endless delay? Then the lawyers or judge must pay. (Johnny C is loving it from the grave.)


Hey, let's get with the program as stated above. We'll have to reform.


Lawyers and judges will soon be overwhelmed defending what they do best and are most similar to…the outings of tens of thousands of Johns from the Madam of the House, and I'm not talking about Nancy.


That's another story.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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