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May 24, 2013

Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb: When I didn't so 'humbly disagree'

Caroline B. Glick: Thank you, Hafez al-Assad

Diana West: From the Brooklyn Bridge to London
Morgan Housel: Why spotting bubbles is so much harder than you think

Environmental Nutrition editors: NuVal labeling to the rescue?

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Memorial Day: Jews Serving and KIA in War on Terror; Liberace Bio-Pic; Jew Wins "Survivor"; Shalom, Dr. Brothers; More

The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen: HIDE THESE FROZEN TREATS FROM THE KIDDIES!: Sangria pops; Irish cream pudding pops; mango Lassi pops

May 22, 2013

John Thorne: They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman

John Rosemond: 'Disciplinary math' adds up to parental successl

Warren Richey: Are prayers before public meetings OK? Supreme Court to decide
Rick Montgomery: Use of ADHD drugs as study aid raises concern on campuses

Brierley Wright, M.S., R.D.: 6 convincing reasons you should keep carbs in your diet

Eoin O'Carroll: Scientists examine nothing, find something

The Kosher Gourmet by Carole Kotkin: This soup is made from one of the great pleasures of spring: A wonderful pairing of rosy color and earthy tang

May 20, 2013

Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?

Hannan Adely: Town raises Palestinian flag at City Hall

Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Morgan Housel: When smart investors do stupid things

Sharon Saloman, M.S., R.D.: Hunger games: Eat more, weigh less, without starving

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star

The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting

May 13, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation

David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church

Emily Alpert: Recession dragged down birth rates for less-educated women
Morgan Housel: The deep downside of home ownership

Peter Teffer: Will Dutch police soon be stalking cybercriminals on your computer?

Heidi McIndoo, M.S., R.D.: Meatless 'meat' can have its own set of problems

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate! This must-try appetizer is delicate yet has depth of flavor: Corn-Leek Cakes with Caviar, Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche

May 10, 2013

Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be

Caroline B. Glick: The dirty little secret about Israel's Arabs

Mona Charen: Hawking's Moral Calculus: The man and the movement he embraces
Morgan Housel: The biggest retirement myth ever told

Sandi Doughton: Eyes may provide new insight into brain problems

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : The Great Gatsby's Jewish Ties; Jews in the "Time 100 list" List; People's Most Beautiful Women

The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A sweet-hot meal: Pear salsa spices up salmon

May 8, 2013

Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas

Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate

Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
Amanda Paulson: Study reveals sad truths about community colleges

Harvard Health Letters: Evidence weak that zinc, echinacea are beneficial

The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility

May 6, 2013

Edmund Sanders and Patrick J. McDonnell: Think Israel's objective in Syria is to weaken Assad or embolden the rebels? Think again

Brian Bennett: Israeli airstrikes may show weakness in Syrian defense

Michael Ollove: Millions of ex-felons, parolees and those on probation are about to be entitled to tax-payer paid health coverage
Karen Kaplan: Most men can skip PSA test for prostate cancer, urologists say

Kimberly Lankford: How to track down a lost life insurance policy

Dream of Mars exploration achievable, experts say

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan M. Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal

May 3, 2013

Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text

Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public

Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study
Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert

May 1, 2013

Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy

Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push

Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Halena M. Gazelka, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: What you need to know about implanted pain relief devices

Sandy Kleffman: Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine

Jessica Shugart: When it comes to math, MRIs may be better than IQs

The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: The celebrated chef on how high-maintenance ASPARAGUS RISOTTO need not be

April 29, 2013

Roy Gutman: Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust

Mark Clayton: Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?

Kim Murphy: Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Morgan Housel: He's rich, smart and old: Listen to him

Thomas Salinas, D.D.S.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: The safety of amalgam fillings

Harvard Health Letters: Tomatoes and stroke protection

Pete Spotts: Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Swing into spring with lemon cream pie

April 26, 2013

Rabbi Abraham J. Twerski: The world is a mirror

Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama

Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance

Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen?

Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver)

The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead

April 24, 2013

Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret

Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on
Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication?

Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.: How to easily get more Omega-3s in your diet

Melissa Healy: Pot in a pill: All the pain relief without the smoke

The Kosher Gourmet by Susan Russo: Chipotle Chili Butternut Squash Soup is bold, zesty, hot

April 22, 2013

Ken Dilanian: Counterterrorism's future is unclear

US man departing country arrested on terror charges
Barbara Williams: An unorthodox but growing treatment in a 9-year-old's battle against cancer

P.J. Skerrett, M.D.: How to recognize a good whole grain product

Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Teen actor Jonah Bobo in New Flick: Hunky James Wolk on Mad Men; Erich Segal's Daughter Writes Prize-Winning Jewish Novel


Jewish World Review April 4, 2008 / 28 Adar II 5768

Hillary Rodham Clintoni: The godmother

By Dave Weinbaum


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Retired Don, Bill "Crooked Stick" Clintoni and consigliore to Hillary "Sniper" Clintoni recently sat in their own "rose" garden in Chappaqua.


As Bill puffs away, "You know I didn't smoke cigars much, until I learned more about their uses when I was counseling interns…anyway, I smoke more now. Sniper, do you know how Barack"Garlic Nose" Obarzini, Howie "Fredo" Deano, Bill "Rat" Richardson, and the rest of the dem babbo mustached Petes are going to come after you?" Hillary, "Yes I know. We've gone over this a thousand times! They'll ask for a meeting…where I'll be safe. The goomba that tells me about the meeting is the traitor."


Bill, "Sorry it's an old habit."


"Sniper, I didn't want any of this for you. I thought when it was your time we'd be legit: Used car salesmen, Prostitution ring owners, Mortgage bankers. Every time we get enough "contributions" from the Chinese and Arabs, they keep dragging us back in!" Hillary, "Don't worry Stick. When Chelsea's turn comes we'll get there."


Bill, "Just to be on the safe side, I've arranged for a group of sweet interns to help me find and test floor bedding in apartments all over the country. We've learned of some safe houses from our friends in Beijing and Dubai. You never know when we'll have to go to the mattresses."


Later at the funeral for her candidacy, Hillary, dressed in black, is approached by James "Hot Sauce" Carville. He whispers in her ear, "Obarzini wants a meeting. We'll solve all our problems, plus maybe you can stay in the country. It'll be in my territory…The Bayou.


The fan boat splashes forward, wind blowing through Sniper's hair, making Carville squint so much his head resembles a deflated football. Oprah is at wheel, dodging alligators, chopping up snakes, picking off low flying birds and spitting out feathers. Hillary is alone, windblown, forlorn.


Obarzini, "You go girl!" Oprah glances lovingly back at him.


Finally they wash into their destination, "Crawfish Gumbo Diner and Gas." Howie Deano talks. "We're here to work out our diff… Obarzini and Sniper interrupt Deano and in unison tell him to shut up. As he walks away, Howie mutters, "I'm SMAT, not like they say stupid! So I cut off the voters in Florida and Michigan. They wouldn't listen to me. They had it coming!"


At this point Hillary says, "I need to use the outhouse". Suspicious eyes look up. As Hillary begins to walk Oprah grabs her by the pantsuit and pats her down. "I've searched a thousand feminist punks. She's clean." "Make it quick!" Obarzini commands.


Safely in the outhouse, Hillary finds what she's looking for in the middle of a half used 1952 Sears catalogue.


As she returns, lips move but she's not listening. As the swift boats noise rises, Hillary stands. She pulls a sheaf of papers from her blouse. In them Obarzini is seen kneeling and kissing the ring of the most evil of enemies, Osama? Ahmadinejad? Bush? … No.


He's seen sucking up to the most hated of all, Rush Limbaugh.


Obarzini falls backward in his chair then thrusts forward involuntarily collapsing his table sending crawfish head missiles and hot sauce throughout the overall clad, barefoot, clientele.


Then, the offer Obarzini can't refuse.


Later….


Seven months to the day the moving vans approach the multi-columned White House. Crooked Stick saunters in red faced and smiling from ear to ear. There's an ex-Obarzini girl on each arm, and one pulling his tie as they approach the stairs leading up to the bedrooms. Hillary follows as the staff quivers in anticipation of her particular style of "leadership."


As movers struggle to put back the furniture the Clintonis took from their previous occupation, (the stuff they couldn't fence), a man with a grand piano on his back wavers under the weight. "Don't you dare drop that, Mr. Vice President…Capiche, Obarzini?"


"Yes, Madam President."

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.



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