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Jewish World Review
Feb. 29, 2008
/ 23 Adar I 5768
Hillary's multiple personality disorder
By
Dave Weinbaum
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
"Hillary Clinton's actions have been symptomatic of a rare mental disorder that is confined to a very few people. This malady is only prevalent amongst failing Democratic presidential candidates." said famed behavioral psychologist, Dr. Barry Strange PHD. According to Dr. Strange, Hillary has AGS syndrome. For those from Branson, that's Al Gore Syndrome, not the American Geriatric Society, something Hillary may qualify for after next week's primaries.
During the 3 presidential election debates in 2000, Gore entered the ring each time as a different man. There was the domineering Al, showing off his size advantage over a much shorter Shrub. Then there was nice guy Al. Finally Al transformed into the second coming of Ronald Reagan, rouged cheeks and all. Needless to say, Gore lost all three debates to Dubya and subsequently the election.
As to Bush, everyone knows he has all he can handle with just being…well, Bush. Without those debate debacles Al beats George hands down.
Hillary was beside herself…and so was she
Lately, Hillary has been all over the place, and not just geographically. She's had more spins of personality than Sybil, more expressions than Rodney Dangerfield, and more axes to grind than Al Sharpton, Michael Moore, and Cindy Sheehan put together.
If she's not restrained by the voters, she may end up like Linda Blair in the Exorcist, head spinning uncontrollably; striking out at enemies, betraying friends, or cheating husbands, perceived or otherwise.
According to Dr. Strange, Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton exhibited these behaviors the last several weeks:
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Crying Hillary
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Black church lady Hillary
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Angry in your face Hillary
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Laughing bug-eyed Hillary
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Denying Hillary.
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Conciliatory Hillary
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Stand by her Bubba Hillary
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Sarcastic Hillary
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Suffering feminist Hillary
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It's my turn Hillary
No easy pushover; Hillary didn't agree with the good doctor right away. In fact she polled her personas and the result was 5-4-1 (suffering feminist Hillary abstained after she was vexed when the rest of the personalities asked her to vote first) for a second opinion.
Please Hillary, before you forever go into our memories as that screeching clawed chalk board, get out now.
Coming in second to terrorists is not an acceptable alternative
I know, I know, another column blasting democrats. Hey, I'm not that crazy about McCain either. But here's what it comes down to. One doesn't know where Hillary stands on the war. I doubt that even she does, without her daily poll.
Worse, we do know where Barack stands.
During the Ohio debate, Obama hurled this tasty bon-bon to McCain. Barack said he would return troops en masse to Iraq, after his sixty to ninety day surrender march if al-Qaeda made an attempt to take over. McCain informed the senator the USA has been doing this for the last 6 years. Obama retorted in front of his delirious Obomniacs that the only reason al-Qaeda was in Iraq was that Bush and McCain invaded. Guess Barack forgot about his fellow Democratic senators that voted twenty-nine to twenty-one to overturn Saddam's regime.
Let's see if I've got this right.
Obama is upset that after 9/11 we knocked off what was then the biggest threat in the Middle East, mass murderers, Saddam, his sons, and his brutal regime. In the same move we overtook Afghanistan installed 2 Democracies, and suckered an enemy that had just murdered 3,000 Americans in one day on USA soil, into a life or death battle. Mind you, these fights are in Baghdad instead of Brooklyn, Fallujah instead of Florida, and Kirkuk instead of Kansas. We're winning and he wants to hand Iraq to these animals? Is Senator Barack Hussein Obama crazy? And I thought Dennis Kucinich was a nutcase.
Calling Dr. Strange: STAT!!
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JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.
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