Jewish World Review
Feb. 20, 2006
/ 22 Shevat, 5766
Supreme court seats on eBay
I was going to be a judge, but I lost my appeal
To be confirmed as a Supreme Court Justice, it's no longer necessary to be a man or woman of intelligence, honesty, judicial temperance, or skill. One needs not have experienced a brilliant judicial or distinguished legal career. You could be a lawyer, judge, Harvard or Yale law professor. Those qualifications will be mooted by a new requirement system.
Senate Libs now want each appointee to bribe them by selling decisions in advance of confirmation votes.
Republicans can look back on their classy handling and confirmation of such Liberal activist judges as the ACLU's Ginsberg 96-3 without much worry as to her obvious leanings. They honored the election of Bill Clinton and took their constitutional duty to affirm, showing no evidence of meager qualifications or anything criminal in her back ground.
Republicans sent Justice Breyer to a lifetime of Supreme Court Cafeteria food, by giving Breyer a pass on an illegal tax non-payment for a nanny. His vote confirmed yet another Clinton pick, 89-7.
Those with flaws are irritating to those of us that have none
If only Robert Bork had guaranteed Senator Kennedy that he wouldn't force women into "back-ally abortions", he'd be on the bench. If only Clarence Thomas had renounced his conservatism or his Blackness, or both, he would have been voted on for a lifetime of pick-up games in the Supreme Gym, unanimously, with one less curly tress on a coke can to explain. And if Alito would have pledged loyalty to the Moveon folk, his wifey would have been full of good cheer, instead of being chased from the horror chambers in tears by Senamonsters Kennedy, Biden, Feinstein, Feingold, Leahy, and Schumer, all of whom tortured poor Sam…mostly by the intolerable length of their so-called questions. Sam now knows what sleep deprivation must be like for terrorists. He'll rule on THOSE cases from the personal experience of sitting through such torment.
You know you've been in court too long when the Judge orders you to pick up his robes at the cleaners on your way in for your trial
Let's cut top the chase. If Liberals have their way, they'll control one branch of government without having to win another election. Why not sell those precious, lifetime Supreme Recliners on EBay, raising incredible sums of cash for Chairman Dean to squander? The bids would consist of future decisions on anticipated cases for the Supremes.
Of course this won't happen until the Senate goes BACK into Democratic hands, if in fact; the Abramoff scandal can be focused on Repubs instead of both sides.
Once THAT happens, the court will be stacked with slaves to liberal philosophy.
Hey, you could line up with ESPN or the Travel Channel and make it a supreme court Texas Hold 'em tournament…winners to get lifetime seats on the Supreme Court!!! Worried about the limited capacity? Get a few lefty judges in and they'll be able to overturn the Constitution and the Legislature. 9 seats will become 19, then 119, the 1119. We won't even NEED those other dead branches. Call in the tree-trimmers! Southpaw Judge Kings could make it illegal to be a Republican. Senate Dems, by Supreme Court decision, would become associate justices themselves. We won't need elections anymore. Think of the money the country could save on Diebalds, chads, campaigning and messy election lines! Liberal minded lobbyists would flourish, as would the families and friends of the justices.
We'll transfer the Senate Office Buildings, Capital Building, and the White House and make 'em ALL the stomping grounds of the NEW Supreme Court, with appropriate amenities.
Maybe they'd open the sales to the public. Wow, if we had enough cash we could buy our very own Supreme Court Judge! Talk about a winning bid on EBay! Tony Soprano, eat your heart out!
Tune in next week for WHEEL… OF… JUSTICE!
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JWR contributor Dave Weinbaum, originally from Chicago, is a businessman, writer and part-time stand-up comic. He resides in a Midwest red state. Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Dave Weinbaum