Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015 Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish April 18, 2014 Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious April 14, 2014 Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz! April 11, 2014 Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish April 9, 2014 Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame? Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches Baby charged with attempted murder The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined April 8, 2014 Hitler's Jewish wife? Mass murderer's mate would have made both deserving of death under Nazi law Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear From the Grave, Wife Captures Time, Love in a Bottle (2 minutes) The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert April 4, 2014 Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3 Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014 Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS) April 2, 2014 Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis? Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 22, 2008 / 25 Kislev 5769 I had fun, fun, fun till someone took my Vega away By Dave Barry http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | So the other day I was waiting at a stoplight in my car, which is nice, but like most cars today, boring. For example, when you turn the key, it starts. Every time! It has one of those modern, quiet, dependable engines. At least I ASSUME it has an engine: I've never had a reason to look under the hood. For all I know, there's a small alien spacecraft in there. Cars were different back when I got my first driver's license, just after the invention of roads. In those days, cars were powered by an insane system called "internal combustion," which involved gasoline actually EXPLODING INSIDE THE ENGINE. Naturally, this was very hard on engine parts such as the "carburetor" and the "pinions." Cars were always breaking down, which meant that, if you were a male, you were always opening the hood so you could glare manfully at the engine until somebody came along who actually knew how to fix it. In those days, you did not expect perfection from a car. For example, in 1971, I bought a Chevrolet Vega, which was the result of a bet among General Motors designers to see if they could make a car entirely out of plastic and rust. If a Vega had a head-on collision with a moth, the Vega would be reduced to a small pile of subatomic particles, while the moth would flit away, laughing. For several years, the only way I could start my Vega was to raise the hood and use a screwdriver to connect two pieces of metal; any thief could have done the same thing, but no thief ever did. "He's so stupid, he'd steal a Vega," was a popular expression among car thieves. So by today's nitpicky standards, the Vega was not so much a motor vehicle as a paperweight with a horn. And yet I vividly remember that car, unlike the cars I've had in recent decades, all of which have the personality of a pension actuary. In fact, that might be the formal name of my current car: The Actuary. So anyway, I was at this stoplight, and a guy about my age pulled up next to me in a Pontiac GTO convertible, 1964 or 1965 I believe, light blue, top down, engine rumbling. I lowered my window and said: "Nice Goat." Lest you think I am some kind of pervert who was trying to fondle this man's livestock, I should explain that "Goat" is the hepcat slang nickname we used to use for the GTO. "Thanks," said the GTO driver, and the light turned green, and he rumbled off, gasoline exploding audibly in his large internal-combustion engine, while I glided forward in my eerily silent Actuary, which I think runs on a computer hard drive powered by nuclear fusion. I knew the GTO guy would probably have to pull over within the next 150 yards for gas, oil, new pinions, etc., but I was jealous of him. I found myself humming "Little GTO," the 1964 hit by Ronny and the Daytonas, in which Ronny describes the GTO in loving technical detail ("Three deuces and a four speed and a 389") and the Daytonas, not quite in tune, sing: "Turnin' it on! Blowin' it out! Turnin' it on! Blowin' it out!" That was from the Golden Age of Car Songs, songs like the Beach Boys' "409" ("My four-speed, dual-quad, positraction 409!") and of course Chuck Berry's "Maybelline," in which Chuck's V-8 Ford (pronounced "Foad") chases down a Cadillac, and Chuck displays his grasp of automotive thermodynamics ("Rainwater blowin' all under my hood; I knew that was doin' my motor good"). Nobody will ever write a song like that about my Actuary, or any other modern car. No, today's cars are just not exciting. I've thought about getting a fun old car, like a GTO or a vintage Mustang. But then I'd have to keep it garaged, find a mechanic, etc. So maybe instead I'll just get a vintage Vega. I'll keep it in a Tupperware container, which I'll carry in my glove compartment. When I encounter other vintage-car guys, I'll lower my window, and shake my Vega at them. That way they'll know that, inside my Actuary, I am still cool. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Previously: Attack on language from Shaq to shark Defusing the turkey bomb Driving While Stupid I'm living in a perpetual state of confusion Traveling with little ones is just plane crazy It's time to unmask a more traditional Halloween U.S. needs to shoot for a better class of criminals Mountain man training involves some trash talk Ten rules for making the world a much better place A slide down memory lane reminds me I got burned This latest research is enough to drive you nuts Wrestling with night critters gives me butterflies Silly songs get this old teapot into some hot water Kids better wise up, or they're doomed to repeat Overweight? I'm in training for the next Ice Age The bleu plate special proves just ducky on this trip Just weighting for the day I can build a better body Better to light a single gift candle than to curse your wife These camping tips will make for some happy trails I'm shooting the rapids with eyes wide shut People's bad grammar is enough to make me sic Toilet water as a weapon? That idea really stinks The carefree days of summer begin with the ants in my pants Heartland's moovers & shakers are an udder disgrace I've found a guy who can do this better than I can If you really love Dad, give him a big box of nothing Graduates, the world is your oyster — and it's shut How to look good in a swimsuit — no ifs, ands or butts Trip proves I'm the king of my own castle The writer vs. the writher beats the Hil & Obama fight Complain about gridlock? That's just a dead end New phone tactics help me develop new hangups For faithful readers, a course in Journalism $1.01 How to speak English very much better When it comes to laundry, men are all washed up This houseguest is ready to throw in the towel Fixing your home can truly be a bonding experience The lies about this mammal just drive me batty In spin cycle of love, hard to be delicate It's just not the time to thumb our nose at bagels Latest fitness Rx for men is a yawn My daughter's party, I'll cry if I want to Sanguine ride on rabid transportation One experiment worth repeating Nothing like a good trip to help me see the light The lord of the dance doesn't have anything on me Invention clearly worth the brewhaha Safe on the slopes Why-oh-why-oh-why-oh… A gross national columnist Mr. Language Person: Weird word I (cough) was a teenage smoker! Frogs hop into the headlines Great American turkeys Mr. Fixit strikes again ‘Einstein Gap’: It's all relative Lost in space The Trojan Twinkie Caper MR. LANGUAGE PERSON: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! Feeding your worst fears Sock it to 'em, sartorially The rubber band man Does public art make sense? Needling the birthday boy On calamities (in the sky and on your head) Modern medical mysteries Bored games Dave's Field of Nightmares Lewis and Clark stepped here! The ultimate water gun Poetic license, with no rhyme or reason Great moments in science This won't hurt a bit One giant leap for frogkind My visit to Nether-Netherland Smile and say cheese Shooting carps in Wisconsin The perfect storm Stickup in aisle 3 Please don't feed the tourists Land of the Frozen Earwax The birth of wail Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger Rabbit ears get poor reception Percentage of frogs in food jumps Night of the living roach Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality Mind your P's and Q's and teas Loose lips sink sequels NOW WE'RE COOKIN'! The right to Bear clubs Science: It's just not fair Road warrior specials Where's the beef? (Low fat) There is nothing like a male (guys) MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS Rooting for the midgets of the Midway Revolt of the rodents He can drive any truck named ‘Tonka’ All bets are off How do you spell S-A-T? Sour grapes and mud Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories The funny side of ‘Beowulf’ HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN! Abs-olute madness Beware of brainy bugs I'm in a sorry state The frog plague: The inside story If she had a hammer…. Keeping an eye on crime Camping and Lewis and Clark When in Iowa, don't forget to duck Junior takes the wheel Growing old with Dave Sites for sore eyes Beware of sheep droppings Ireland, land of bad Elvis Mr. Peabrain's misadventures When they're out to get you, keep cool Mothers of invention Kill 'em with kindness © 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

Columnists Mitch Albom Jay Ambrose Anne Applebaum Dan Balz Robert Barnes Aaron Blake Bruce Bialosky Callum Borchers L. Brent Bozell Tammy Bruce Stephen Carter Mona Charen Alicia Colon Cheryl K. Chumley Greg Crosby Joseph Curl Larry Elder Noah Feldman Suzanne Fields Bernie Goldberg Jonah Goldberg Paul Greenberg Argus Hamilton Victor Davis Hanson Hugh Hewitt Laura Hollis James Hohmann Al Hunt Charles Hurt Jeff Jacoby John Kass Garrison Keillor Ch. Krauthammer Charles Lane Eli Lake David Limbaugh Rich Lowry Andrew Malcolm Michelle Malkin Megan McArdle Jeanne Moos Dick Morris Jim Mullen Judge A. Napolitano Kathleen Parker Ramesh Ponnuru Dennis Prager Wesley Pruden Glenn Reynolds Ed Rogers Dave Ross Debra J. Saunders David Shribman Lenore Skenazy Thomas Sowell Mark Steyn John Stossel Marc A. Thiessen Cal Thomas Bob Tyrrell Dave Weinbaum Bill Whalen George Will Walter Williams Byron York Cathy Young Salena Zito Mort Zuckerman Toons Eric Allie Robert Arial Pat Bagley Nate Beeler Lisa Benson Chip Bok Dry Bones John Branch Daryl Cagle Patrick Chappatte John Cole Jeff Danziger John Darkow Bill Day Matt Davies Sean Delonas Bob Englehart Brian Duffy Everything's Relative Randall Enos Mallard Fillmore David Fitzsimmons Jake Fuller Bob Gorrel Dave Granlund Walt Handelsman Joe Heller David Hitch Jerry Holbert David Horsey Taylor Jones Lee Judge Steve Kelley Mike Keefe Jeff Koterba Chan Lowe Jimmy Margulies RJ Matson Gary McCoy Rick McKee Paresh Nath Jack Ohman Milt Priggee Michael Ramirez Rob Rogers Steve Sack Bill Schorr Mike Shelton Drew Sheneman Kevin Siers Jeff Stahler Scott Stantis Danna Summers Gary Varvel Kirk Walters Dan Wasserman Adam Zyglis Lifestyles Tech Q&A Ask Doctor K Richard Lederer Bookmark These Bruce Williams