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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Oct. 8, 2007 / 26 Tishrei 5768

MR. LANGUAGE PERSON: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

By Dave Barry


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | At this juncture in the time parameter, we once again proudly present "Ask Mister Language Person," the No. 1 rated language column in the United States, according to a recent J.D. Power and Associates survey of consumers with imaginary steel plates in their heads. The philosophy of this column is simple: If you do not use correct grammar, people will lose respect for you, and they will burn down your house. So let's stop beating around a dead horse and cut right to the mustard with our first question:


Q: I often hear people use the word "irregardless," as in: "Irregardless of what you may or may not think, moths are capable of remorse." So finally I decided to look "irregardless" up in the dictionary, but I can't figure out what letter it begins with.


A: Grammatical experts disagree on this.


Q: What are the correct lyrics to the song "It's Howdy Doody Time!"?


A: According to the Library of Congress, they are as follows: "It's Howdy Doody Time! It's Howdy Doody Time! It's Howdy Doody Time! It's Howdy Doody Time!"


Q: Who wrote those lyrics?


A: Cole Porter.


Q: I am in the field of business, and people keep saying they want to "touch base" with me. They'll say, "I just wanted to touch base with you on the Fooberman contract," or, "We need to touch base on the rental sheep for the sales conference." But my understanding of the rules is that if you touch base WITH somebody, at the same time, at least one of you is out. So my question is, who the heck is "Fooberman"?


A: We decided to consult with William Safire, one of the top experts in the language field, but his number is not listed.


Q: I'm never sure when I should use the word "principle" and when I should use "principal." Is there an easy way to remember the difference?


A: Here's a simple memory device for distinguishing between these two similar-sounding words (or "sonograms"): Simply remember that "principal" ends in the letters "p-a-l," which is an antonym for "Police Athletic League," whereas "principle" ends in "p-l-e," which are the first three letters in "Please, Mister Postman," by the Marvelettes. If this memory device does not work for you, we have a more effective technique involving a soldering iron.


Q: When the Marvelettes sing, "Deliver de letter, de sooner de better," are they using correct grammar?


A: No. The correct grammar would be, "Deliver de letter, irregardless."


Q: Did alert reader Johnny G. Stewart send you an amusing automotive review from the Lewiston, Idaho, Morning Tribune?


A: Yes. It states: "A short-throw six-speed Borg-Warner transmission means classic Pontiac excitement and the fun of a well-timed shift."


Q: What's so amusing about that?


A: There was a letter missing from "shift."


Q: Can you cite some other examples of language usage sent in by alert readers?


A: Certainly.


John Triplett sent in a Heartland America catalog advertising baseballs that were "hand-signed by Mickey Mantle before his death."


W. Michael Frazier sent in an editorial from the Huntington, W.Va., Herald-Dispatch containing this statement: "We believe if you have too much to drink at a holiday party, insist on driving yourself home."


Susan Olp sent in an Associated Press story concerning a lawsuit verdict in which a lawyer is quoted as saying: "It sends a message to gas companies in Wyoming that gas companies better operate safely because people are not going to tolerate being blown up."


Thomas Caufield sent in a San Jose Mercury-News story about a Stanford University instructor, containing this statement: "Since his suspension, Dolph has continued working as a manager in the university's lab for cadavers. In that position, he deals mainly with faculty members, Jacobs said."


Several readers sent in an Associated Press story concerning a Vermont high school student who disrobed during her graduation speech; the story quotes school administrators as saying the incident "was not reflective of our student body."


Renee Harber sent in a police log from the Corvallis (Ore.) Gazette Times containing this entry: "12:38 p.m. July 20. Report that a man near the Crystal Lake boat ramp was threatening to kill the next person he saw wearing a kilt."


TIPS "FOR" WRITERS: In writing a screenplay for a movie, be sure to include plenty of action.


WRONG: "To be, or not to be."


RIGHT: "LOOK OUT! GIANT RADIOACTIVE SQUIRRELS!"


Got a question for Mister Language Person? Send it in, and you could receive a baseball hand-signed by William Shakespeare shortly after his death.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

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Previously:

Feeding your worst fears
Sock it to 'em, sartorially
The rubber band man
Does public art make sense?
Needling the birthday boy
On calamities (in the sky and on your head)
Modern medical mysteries
Bored games
Dave's Field of Nightmares
Lewis and Clark stepped here!
The ultimate water gun
Poetic license, with no rhyme or reason
Great moments in science
This won't hurt a bit
One giant leap for frogkind
My visit to Nether-Netherland
Smile and say cheese
Shooting carps in Wisconsin
The perfect storm
Stickup in aisle 3
Please don't feed the tourists
Land of the Frozen Earwax
The birth of wail
Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger
Rabbit ears get poor reception
Percentage of frogs in food jumps
Night of the living roach
Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality
Mind your P's and Q's and teas
Loose lips sink sequels
NOW WE'RE COOKIN'!
The right to Bear clubs
Science: It's just not fair
Road warrior specials
Where's the beef? (Low fat)
There is nothing like a male (guys)
MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Rooting for the midgets of the Midway
Revolt of the rodents
He can drive any truck named ‘Tonka’
All bets are off
How do you spell S-A-T?
Sour grapes and mud
Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom
Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at
Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories
The funny side of ‘Beowulf’
HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN!
Abs-olute madness
Beware of brainy bugs
I'm in a sorry state
The frog plague: The inside story
If she had a hammer….
Keeping an eye on crime
Camping and Lewis and Clark
When in Iowa, don't forget to duck
Junior takes the wheel
Growing old with Dave
Sites for sore eyes
Beware of sheep droppings
Ireland, land of bad Elvis
Mr. Peabrain's misadventures
When they're out to get you, keep cool
Mothers of invention
Kill 'em with kindness



© 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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