April 21, 2014
April 18, 2014
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology
The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious
: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain
April 14, 2014
Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time
: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic
: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships
: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin
: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate
: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure
April 11, 2014
Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden
: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does
: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer
: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You
April 9, 2014
Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?
Samuel G. Freedman
: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau
: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau
: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease
April 8, 2014
Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease
Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear
April 4, 2014
A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children
Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet
Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds
Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves
April 2, 2014
Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?
Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities
It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene
Jewish World Review
August 6, 2007
/ 22 Menachem-Av, 5767
Lewis and Clark stepped here!
We went West for our summer vacation. Our idea was to follow in the footsteps of the hardy explorers Lewis and Clark, who traveled 8,000 miles through hostile, uncharted wilderness, a feat that was possible only because of their great courage and the fact that they left their children at home. Otherwise, they would have quit after maybe 200 yards.
On our trip, we encountered numerous families that, after many hours together in the minivan, had reached Critical Hostility Mass. At one point, we saw a family stopped at a roadside area overlooking a spectacular mountain vista, but nobody was looking at it. Two boys were slumped low in the back seat of the minivan with their baseball caps jammed down over their eyes, listening to their individual compact-disc players. A girl, maybe 12, was stomping tearfully away from the van, followed by Mom, her words echoing off the hillsides, waving some bread and shouting, "If you don't eat this sandwich, I'm not making you another one!" A few feet away, Dad was sitting on a rock, chewing very slowly, staring at the ground. Togetherness!
On our trip, we made a painstaking effort to follow exactly the route that Lewis and Clark used, the only exception being that they took the Missouri River, whereas we took Interstate 90, which is a lot more direct and has motels. At some points, the interstate is very close to the river, and you frankly have to wonder how Lewis and Clark failed to notice it. They may have been hardy, but apparently they were not the sharpest quills on the porcupine, if you get my drift.
One big advantage of the I-90 route is that it takes you to some of the amazing wonders of the West, such as the Corn Palace in downtown Mitchell, S.D. This is, I swear, one of the biggest tourist attractions in South Dakota (official state motto: "Gateway To North Dakota"). The Corn Palace is a large, Moorish-style building that has its exterior walls covered with an enormous mural made entirely from corn. The theme of the mural is changed every year, although you could make the argument that the true theme is always: "We have way too much corn." But, of course, the biggest South Dakota tourist attraction is Mt. Rushmore. You've probably seen hundreds of pictures of this famous monument, but until you are standing right in front of it, in person, you cannot truly appreciate the fact that it's only 8 inches tall. There's a big lens in front of it.
No, seriously, Mt. Rushmore is large and impressive, and you cannot help but feel a sense of awe as you look up at the granite-carved faces of those four great American leadersGeorge Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln and Don Shulagazing out from the purple mountain's majesty, across the fruited plain, looking as though they are surveying the mighty nation that they helped to create and thinking: "Since when is corn a fruit?" Mt. Rushmore is located in the Black Hills, which get their name from the fact that they are brown, gray and green. They were caused by erosion. In fact, just about all the major natural attractions you find in the Westthe Grand Canyon, the Badlands, the Goodlands, the Mediocrelands, the Rocky Mountains and Robert Redfordwere caused by erosion. Apparently, at some point, a huge wave of erosion swept over the West, leaving these attractions. We know this because about every 50 feet out there the National Park Service or some other agency has set up a sign that says something like POINT OF INTEREST, and when you stop to read it, it always says something like: "The buttes you see here were created by erosion 350 million years ago during the Curvaceous Period, when the West was covered by an ocean." The National Park Service apparently has some kind of substance-abuse problem, because it is absolutely convinced that the West used to be covered by an ocean, although if this were true you would think that there would be some evidence of it today in the form of, for example, a petrified boardwalk.
Some of the other natural wonders we saw on our trip were:
• At least 500 billion fluorescent red-orange traffic cones, carefully placed on every few feet of highway across 1,000 miles and four states, alerting us that road crews were working ahead.
• One guy (in Wyoming, I believe) who was actually working on the road.
• A sign outside of the cow-intensive community of Dimock, S.D., that said, "Say it with cheese."
But the highlight of the trip was Yellowstone National Park, which contains many amazing natural wonders that were caused by erosion and are now being preserved for future generations by a dense protective layer of buffalo poop. I personally had thought that buffalo were pretty much extinct, but it turns out that the federal government employs a large number of them in Yellowstone, where they roam around pooping while the deer and, of course, the antelope play, and seldom is heard a discouraging word, although you do hear a lot of people saying, "Watch where you step." But the buffalo really are impressive, and speaking as a taxpayer I consider them a far better deal than, for example, the Department of Commerce.
In conclusion, it was a great trip, and I want to end this account with an inspirational quote from Lewis, or possibly Clark, who said, at the end of their epic journey: "If we write an account of this epic journey, we can deduct it on our taxes."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
The ultimate water gun
Poetic license, with no rhyme or reason
Great moments in science
This won't hurt a bit
One giant leap for frogkind
My visit to Nether-Netherland
Smile and say cheese
Shooting carps in Wisconsin
The perfect storm
Stickup in aisle 3
Please don't feed the tourists
Land of the Frozen Earwax
The birth of wail
Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger
Rabbit ears get poor reception
Percentage of frogs in food jumps
Night of the living roach
Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality
Mind your P's and Q's and teas
Loose lips sink sequels
NOW WE'RE COOKIN'!
The right to Bear clubs
Science: It's just not fair
Road warrior specials
Where's the beef? (Low fat)
There is nothing like a male (guys)
MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Rooting for the midgets of the Midway
Revolt of the rodents
He can drive any truck named Tonka
All bets are off
How do you spell S-A-T?
Sour grapes and mud
Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom
Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at
Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories
The funny side of Beowulf
HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN!
Beware of brainy bugs
I'm in a sorry state
The frog plague: The inside story
If she had a hammer….
Keeping an eye on crime
Camping and Lewis and Clark
When in Iowa, don't forget to duck
Junior takes the wheel
Growing old with Dave
Sites for sore eyes
Beware of sheep droppings
Ireland, land of bad Elvis
Mr. Peabrain's misadventures
When they're out to get you, keep cool
Mothers of invention
Kill 'em with kindness
© 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.