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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review March 19, 2007 / 29 Adar, 5767

Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality

By Dave Barry


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Welcome to "Ask Mister Language Person," written by the foremost leading world authority on the proper grammatorical usagality of English, both orally and in the form of words. In this award-winning column, which appears nocturnally, we answer the grammar and vocabulary questions that are on the minds of many Americans just before they pass out.


Today, as is our wont, we begin with our first question:


Q. You have a wont?


A. Yes, but we comb our hair such that you cannot see it.


Q. With regards to the old spiritual song, "Gwine Jump Down, Turn Around, Pick a Bale of Cotton," why is the singer gwine jump down and turn around first?


A. He is hoping that he gwine pull a hamstring, and somebody else gwine have to pick the bale of cotton.


Q. I work in Customer Service, and my co-workers and I are having a big debate about whether we should say that your call is "very" important to us, or "extremely" important to us. We argue about this all day long! My question is, how do we stop these stupid phones from ringing?


A. Someone will answer your question "momentarily."


Q. I am a speechwriter for a leading presidential candidate, and I need to know which is correct: "integrity OUT the wazoo," or "integrity UP the wazoo."


A. We checked with both the Oxford English Dictionary and the Rev. Billy Graham, and they agree that the correct word is "wazooty."


Q. I have trouble remembering the difference between the words "whose" and "who's." Should I put this in the form of a question?


A. In grammatical terminology, "who's" is an interlocutory contraption that is used to form the culinary indicative tense.


EXAMPLE: "You will never guess who's brassiere they found in the gumbo."


"Whose" is the past paramilitary form of "whomsoever" and is properly used in veterinary interrogations.


EXAMPLE: "Whose gwine spay all them weasels?"


Q. I am a writer for "The Sopranos," and I've been arguing with one of my colleagues over the correct wording of some dialogue. I think it should be: "Bleep you, you bleeping bleeper!" Whereas he insists it should be: "Bleep yourself, you bleeperbleeper!" So I had him whacked.


A. Now he bleeps with the fishes.


Q. Are you going to flagrantly pad this column with actual examples of language usage sent in by alert readers, as is your wont?


A. Of course:

David Davidson sent an article from the Tybee News containing this statement about the mayor of Tybee Island, Ga.: "He also said an older woman suffered a broken hip when a dog pounced on her and read a long letter from someone supporting the dog ban."

Tim O'Marra sent in an article from the Skagit Valley (Wash.) Herald containing this sentence: "Suspecting the action was suspicious, the officer ordered both of them to raise their hands."

Chaz Liebowitz sent in an article from The Miami Herald that begins: "Davie police are searching for a man with a .25-caliber semi-automatic handgun to rob a convenience store Wednesday."

Several readers sent in an article from the Richmond Times-Dispatch concerning a dump-truck driver who "dropped more than 59,000 pounds of processed human excrement on Interstate 295" and was charged with "failure to contain his load."

Sue Colson sent in a "Police Blotter" item from the Port Aransas (Texas) South Jetty, consisting entirely of this fascinating statement: "No goat was found in the trunk of a vehicle when an officer responded to a complaint on East Avenue G at about 1:20 p.m."


TODAY'S WRITING TIP: In writing a resume, make sure that it is "up to date" and reflects current economic conditions:


WRONG: "I am currently working for a 'dot-com' company."


RIGHT: "I am currently living in an appliance carton."


GOT A GRAMMAR QUESTION? Your question is very important to Mr. Language Person.

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Previously:

Mind your P's and Q's and teas
Loose lips sink sequels
NOW WE'RE COOKIN'!
The right to Bear clubs
Science: It's just not fair
Road warrior specials
Where's the beef? (Low fat)
There is nothing like a male (guys)
MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Rooting for the midgets of the Midway
Revolt of the rodents
He can drive any truck named ‘Tonka’
All bets are off
How do you spell S-A-T?
Sour grapes and mud
Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom
Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at
Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories
The funny side of ‘Beowulf’
HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN!
Abs-olute madness
Beware of brainy bugs
I'm in a sorry state
The frog plague: The inside story
If she had a hammer….
Keeping an eye on crime
Camping and Lewis and Clark
When in Iowa, don't forget to duck
Junior takes the wheel
Growing old with Dave
Sites for sore eyes
Beware of sheep droppings
Ireland, land of bad Elvis
Mr. Peabrain's misadventures
When they're out to get you, keep cool
Mothers of invention
Kill 'em with kindness



© 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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