May 24, 2013
May 22, 2013
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom :
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak:
Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage:
Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross :
Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same?
With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May:
Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.:
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April 24, 2013
Jewish World Review
Feb. 2, 2009
/ 8 Shevat 5769
A brief emergency
Today we have some urgent breaking news, defined as "news that happened at some point and we just now found out because we're way behind in our mail."
Our first breaking item is an alarming report in the Erie (Pa.) Times-News, which devoted most of its front page, and an entire inside page, to this story. What happened, in brief, was that an 18-year-old male got sick and defecated in . . . well, in his briefs. He then changed at a friend's house, put his soiled clothes in a black garbage bag and threw it away. Now, in normal times, this would not be front-page news, even in Erie. But of course, we do not live in normal times. The day before the man soiled his undies in Erie, the U.S. Attorney General had issued one of those vague yet unhelpful terrorism warnings that boil down to: "Be afraid! Be very afraid!"
So the nation was on High Random Fear Alert when the young man disposed of his briefs. Unfortunately, he tossed the garbage bag next to a municipal reservoir and was spotted by a water works employee, who reported the bag to the police, who called out the Bomb Squad and the Hazardous Materials Response Team.
After several tense hours, police apprehended the young man, who told them what was in the garbage bag. This was confirmed by the Bomb Squad, and I think we can all agree that no matter how much those officers get paid, it is not enough. So life in Erie returned to normal for everybody except the young man, who is currently in a Guantanamo Bay cell surrounded by irate military dogs.
No, seriously, he faced minor charges, and we're sure he's doing just as well as you'd be doing if you were the subject of a front-page newspaper story informing the world that you managed to paralyze your city after doodifying your drawers. But let this story serve as a reminder to all of us: If we ever have a similar accident, we should NOT dispose of our underwear in a careless manner. Instead, we should to quote the U.S. Department of Homeland Security director "mail it to whoever is responsible for the TV show 'Wife Swap.'"
Our next piece of breaking news is a brief newspaper article from California headlined, "Officials Crack Down on 'Bathtub' Cheese." It begins: "San Diego County health officials warned against buying or eating cheeses made in bathtubs that were being sold door to door."
It is not clear, from this wording, whether it is the cheese that is being sold door to door, or the bathtubs. To be on the safe side, we urge residents of San Diego County to avoid both bathing AND eating suspicious cheese, lest you wind up becoming ill and producing what gastroenterologists refer to as an "Erie Special."
In international news, we have a disturbing item from the Daily Yomiuri, an English-language Japanese newspaper, which says "an 83-year-old professor emeritus was arrested after attacking a salesman with a sword after the man offered to 'fix his sewage pipes.'"
The professor was arrested on suspicion of violating the "Firearms and Swords Control Law."
This story should remind all Americans how lucky we are to live in a nation where we have a constitutional right to keep and bear swords to protect ourselves from those who would repair our sewage pipes. We also have the right to vote for our leaders, which leads us to our final breaking news item: Apparently there was some kind of presidential election recently. Somebody should look into this.
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