May 20, 2013
Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom :
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak:
Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
May 13, 2013
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation
David G. Savage:
Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church
May 10, 2013
Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be
May 8, 2013
Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas
Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate
At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad
The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross :
Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility
May 6, 2013
May 3, 2013
Kids, kittens the Same?
With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell
Artificial kidney offers hope to patients tethered to a dialysis machine
April 29, 2013
Poland's new Jewish museum celebrates life, doesn't revisit Holocaust
Terrorism in America: Is US missing a chance to learn from failed plots?
Boston Bomber's 'Svengali' Revealed
Tiny satellites + cellphones = cheaper 'eyes in the sky' for NASA
April 26, 2013
Clifford D. May:
Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism
Sharon Palmer, R.D.:
How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty
April 24, 2013
Jewish World Review
Jan. 15, 2007
/ 25 Teves, 5767
Where's the beef? (Low fat)
Recently, a reader named Jim Cornell sent me a postcard with a picture of insects on it, posing an interesting question.
(No, the insects were not posing a question. As far as I know.) Jim stated that he, like every other American above the age of 4, is on a low-fat diet, and he noted that we have become basically a non-fat nation. This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being "low-fat" or "fat-free." Americans are obsessed with fat content.
DOCTOR: Mrs. Stoatbonker, you will die within hours unless you take this antibiotic.
PATIENT: Is it fat-free?
DOCTOR: I don't know.
PATIENT: I'll just have a Diet Pepsi.
So anyway, Jim, after noting that "millions of pounds of formerly fat-rich food is now de-fatted," asks: "What are they doing with all that fat?"
Jim, that is an excellent question, and I intend to answer it just as soon as I have written enough words to make a column. (Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!)
First, however, we need to consider exactly what "fat" is. Just off the top of my head, without glancing at a dictionary, I would define fat as "any of various mixtures of solid or semisolid triglycerides found in adipose animal tissue or in the seeds of plants." A "triglyceride," as I vaguely recall from my high-school years, is "any of a group of esters, CH2(OOCR1)CH(OOCR2)CH2(OOCR3), derived from glycerol and three fatty acid radicals."
But what does this mean? One thing it means, of course, is that "Three Fatty Acid Radicals" would be an excellent name for a rock band. But it also means that fat is some kind of chemical item that nature puts inside certain plants and animals to make them taste better. A good rule of thumb is: The more fat something contains, the better it tastes. This is why we eat hamburgers, but we do not eat ants. Ants have a very low fat content, so nobody eats them except unfortunate animals such as birds, who, because of a design flaw, cannot use drive-thru windows. Human beings, on the other hand, enjoy hamburgers, because they (the hamburgers) come from cows, which are notoriously fat. You will never see a cow voluntarily going anywhere near an Abdominizer.
Of course, there have been efforts to make low-fat "hamburgers." In researching this column, I purchased a product called "Harvest Burgers," which are "All Vegetable Protein Patties" manufactured by the Green Giant Corp. Upon examining the package, the first thing I noticed was that the Jolly Green Giant has apparently had plastic surgery. He no longer looks like the "Ho! Ho! Ho!" guy; he now looks like Paul McCartney on steroids. Check it out.
The second thing I noticed is that the key ingredient in Harvest Burgers is "soy." This ingredient is found in many low-fat foods, and I think it's time that the Food and Drug Administration told us just what the hell it is. A plant? A mineral? An animal? Are there enormous soy ranches in Nebraska, with vast herds of soys bleating and suckling their young? As a consumer, I'd like some answers. I don't want to discover years from now that "soy" is an oriental word meaning "compressed ant parts." This is not intended as a criticism of the "Harvest Burger," which is a well-constructed, extremely cylindrical frozen unit of brown foodlike substance. The package states that it contains "83 percent less fat than ground beef"; I believe this, because it also tastes exactly 83 percent less good than ground beef. Nevertheless I highly recommend it for anybody who needs more "soy" or a backup hockey puck.
Oh, sure, there will be people who will claim that soy patties taste "almost as good" as real hamburgers. These are the same people who have convinced themselves that rice cakes taste "almost as good" as potato chips, when in fact eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling. You could fill a container with roofing shingles and put it in the supermarket with a sign that said "ZERO-FAT ROOFING SHINGLES," and these people would buy it and convince themselves it tasted "almost as good" as French toast.
Yes, we have become a low-fat society, which brings us back to the question posed by Jim Cornell: What's being done with all the fat? Jim offers this theory: "I suspect that they're dumping it in some small town in Texas or Mexico." No way, Jim. Our government would never allow a major fat-dumping facility in the same region where we're storing the dead UFO aliens. No, the truth is that the fat is being loaded into giant tanker trucks, transported by night and pumped into: my thighs. There was no choice: Marlon Brando was already full. But I'm happy to do my part for a leaner America, so don't bother to thank me. Are you going to finish those fries?
Postscript: After I wrote this column, my editor, Tom Shroder, sent me a note saying he thinks he read somewhere that ants do contain fat. I think he's wrong, but since we're both professional journalists, neither of us will look it up. I will say this: If ants do contain fat, it's only a matter of time before somebody comes out with low-fat ants.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Comment by clicking here.
There is nothing like a male (guys)
MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Rooting for the midgets of the Midway
Revolt of the rodents
He can drive any truck named Tonka
All bets are off
How do you spell S-A-T?
Sour grapes and mud
Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom
Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at
Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories
The funny side of Beowulf
HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN!
Beware of brainy bugs
I'm in a sorry state
The frog plague: The inside story
If she had a hammer….
Keeping an eye on crime
Camping and Lewis and Clark
When in Iowa, don't forget to duck
Junior takes the wheel
Growing old with Dave
Sites for sore eyes
Beware of sheep droppings
Ireland, land of bad Elvis
Mr. Peabrain's misadventures
When they're out to get you, keep cool
Mothers of invention
Kill 'em with kindness
© 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Frank J. Gaffney
Victor Davis Hanson
A. Barton Hinkle
Judge A. Napolitano
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Debra J. Saunders
J. D. Crowe
Ask Doctor K