May 13, 2013 Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Why the giving of the document that would permanently change the world could only be done in desolation David G. Savage: Church-state, literally? Supreme Court weighing public school graduation in a church Emily Alpert: Recession dragged down birth rates for less-educated women Morgan Housel: The deep downside of home ownership Peter Teffer: Will Dutch police soon be stalking cybercriminals on your computer? Heidi McIndoo, M.S., R.D.: Meatless 'meat' can have its own set of problems The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate! This must-try appetizer is delicate yet has depth of flavor: Corn-Leek Cakes with Caviar, Smoked Salmon and Creme Fraiche May 10, 2013 Rabbi Berel Wein: Be all that you should be Caroline B. Glick: The dirty little secret about Israel's Arabs Mona Charen: Hawking's Moral Calculus: The man and the movement he embraces Morgan Housel: The biggest retirement myth ever told Sandi Doughton: Eyes may provide new insight into brain problems Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : The Great Gatsby's Jewish Ties; Jews in the "Time 100 list" List; People's Most Beautiful Women The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer: A sweet-hot meal: Pear salsa spices up salmon May 8, 2013 Peter Ford: Why China is welcoming both Israel's Netanyahu and Palestinians' Abbas Warren Richey: Obama administration quietly backs out of appeal over new contraceptive mandate Fred Weir: At Kerry-Putin meeting, US-Russia relations thaw --- a tad Amanda Paulson: Study reveals sad truths about community colleges 'Garbage man' in cells could extend life Harvard Health Letters: Evidence weak that zinc, echinacea are beneficial The Kosher Gourmet by Leela Cyd Ross : Almost too pretty to eat, this colorful salad with Sicilian inspiration will tickle the taste buds and delight your visual sensibility May 6, 2013 Edmund Sanders and Patrick J. McDonnell: Think Israel's objective in Syria is to weaken Assad or embolden the rebels? Think again Brian Bennett: Israeli airstrikes may show weakness in Syrian defense Michael Ollove: Millions of ex-felons, parolees and those on probation are about to be entitled to tax-payer paid health coverage Karen Kaplan: Most men can skip PSA test for prostate cancer, urologists say Kimberly Lankford: How to track down a lost life insurance policy Dream of Mars exploration achievable, experts say The Kosher Gourmet by Susan M. Selasky: EGGPLANT WRAPS are an easy, sumptuous and scrumptious meal May 3, 2013 Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Human Courage and the Unavoidable, Disturbing Text Steven Emerson: Attorney General Fights CAIR in Court, Lauds it in Public Mediterranean diet helps beat dementia: study Harvard Health Letters: When to be screened for a hearing problem Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Iron Man's Jewish Connections; Marc Maron's New TV Show; Martin Landau Grows Up with Israel; Shalom, Allan Arbus The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: A sweet surprise for Mother's Day dessert May 1, 2013 Jonathan Rosenblum: An Improbable Journey to Orthodoxy Jonathan Tobin: Blame Obama, Not Israel for Syria Push Kids, kittens the Same? With employee perks at struggling Internet pioneer Yahoo! it's hard to tell Halena M. 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Twerski: The world is a mirror Caroline B. Glick: Time to confront Obama Clifford D. May: Defense in the Age of Jihadist Terrorism Kimberly Lankford: New strategies ease pain of paying for long-term care insurance Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Too much ibuprofen? Sharon Palmer, R.D.: How to feel your best -- with plenty of energy, a healthy weight and optimal mental and physical function -- without driving yourself batty Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom: Jewish Major Leaguers, 2013; New Movies and Comedy Show; Shalom, 'Lumpy' (Leave it to Beaver) The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : A bright and cheerful salad to herald the warmer months ahead April 24, 2013 Steven Emerson: Boston Bomber Exposes Islamist Secret Top Muslim cleric boycotts inter-faith dialogue conference attended by 'Jews' Morgan Housel Admit it: No one has any idea what's going on Harvard Health Letters: Can you get headaches from headache medication? 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Seek a second opinion The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Corn and Curry Add Zing to Chilled Soup April 15, 2013 Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Death of Education? Kristen Chick: Egyptian Christians respond with harsh words to attack -- rocks, Molotov cocktails, and gunfire -- against main cathedral Marcy Darnovsky and Karuna Jaggar: High Court to decide if you should own your DNA Howard LaFranchi: US bracing for more Russian blowback after taking action against 18 more human rights violators Kristin Ohlson : The loneliest fight The Kosher Gourmet by Dana Velden: A tasty, rich dish that hints at spring's arrival while still anchored in a favorite winter staple

Jewish World Review Feb. 22, 2010 / 8 Adar 5770 A Leap in Cow Control By Dave Barry http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | People always ask me: How come the newspaper prints so much bad news? How come the front page always has negative headlines like: "Freak Espresso Machine Explosion Destroys Crowded Starbucks"? Why don't we print stories with a positive slant, like: "Destroyed Starbucks Was Popular Gathering Place for Lawyers"? Well, OK, then. You want good news? We got yer good news right here, starting with this: EXCITING ADVANCE IN LIVESTOCK FLATULENCE. As you know if you have ever stood outdoors in the Midwest, cows give off methane gas. We don't know why. Maybe they're bored. Maybe they're trying to spoil our appetite for hamburgers. All we know is, scientists believe that methane is a major factor in global warming. For the record, I have a friend named Doris who argues, on good authority, that the biggest single cause of global warming is menopause. Also, I recently received a letter from a reader who theorizes that global warming may be related to the alarming increase in pizza ovens, especially in New Jersey. But methane is surely a factor, and cows produce a lot of it. That's why we should all be very excited about the recent scientific discovery concerning—I am not making this up—kangaroo flatulence. According to news articles sent in by many alert readers, scientists in Australia have found that even though kangaroos eat the same grasses as cows, they produce no methane. The question that springs to mind, of course, is: How did the scientists conduct this research? It cannot be easy to collect emission samples from a non-domesticated animal that can travel 40 mph, leap 30 feet at a single bound AND punch. I'm guessing the task of gathering kangaroo gas samples fell to some rookie scientist ("OK, Sedgwick: Here's a jar, a helmet and a pogo stick. Now get out there and win one for the planet!"). So anyway, now the Australian scientists are trying to figure out how the kangaroos manage to be methane-free. They think the answer may be one of the 40 types of bacteria they have identified in the kangaroo's stomach. I don't even want to THINK about how they collected those samples. ("OK, Sedgwick: Here's a jar, a rope and a snorkel.") The scientists plan to isolate the anti-methane bacterium in the kangaroo's stomach, then see what happens when they put this same bacterium into the stomachs of cows. Speaking as a layperson concerned about the future of my planet (Earth), I just want to say to these scientists, in humble gratitude: ARE YOU INSANE?? What if the bacterium causes the cows to develop other kangaroo characteristics? And what if these modified cows escape from Australia? It would be like the killer bees, only much worse: "WISCONSIN—Weary National Guard troops continued to battle a rampaging herd of bacteria-enhanced Australian kangaroo cows that have been bounding around this heartland state, soaring over fences with moos of derision and punching their way into grain silos." So there is a certain risk involved in the Australian research. But however it works out, I think we can all agree on one thing: "The Moos of Derision" would be a good name for a rock band. And speaking of good, our next piece of good news, which was sent in by about 19 billion alert readers, concerns a Butler, Pa., company that is making a: MACHINE GUN-EQUIPPED SUV. Yes! According to an Associated Press article, a company called Ibis Tek is modifying "sport" utility vehicles to accept machine guns, which are fired via a joystick inside the car. These are mostly sold to foreigners; to have one in the U.S., you need a permit from the federal government, which requires you to have a good reason. Fortunately, I do: I drive in Miami. I am tired of having nothing but a puny horn to alert the 258-year-old driver in the Oldsmobile ahead of me that the green arrow pointing left means you can turn left now ... c'mon please turn .. TURN LEFT PLEASE C'MON C'MON HURRY UP IT'S GONNA CHANGE OH NOOOOO. I think the federal government would have to agree that this is a situation where a friendly warning burst of several thousand .50-caliber rounds would be a big help to traffic flow. The Ibis Tek people also offer an option for a grenade launcher, but I think that would be overkill, don't you? Unless those cows show up. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Comment by clicking here. Previously: Not Exactly Razor-Sharp Offensive weapons On The Swing Shift Valley of the Dolls Discourse on the ‘Course’ Waging Germ Warfare Sanity, Now Departing This is Funny, Trust Us Mindless in Mickeytown Flight 573 Now Boding Dakota: Just a Snow Job? Cyberspace Cadet The adult idea of reining in kids goes up in smoke Eat All That You Can Eat It's late in the season, and I'm batting about .200 When it comes to yard work, I have ants in my pants Accordion players are squeezing me for an apology I have strong scientific evidence that men and women are different I call this work 'Sad Ballad of a Clueless Idiot' When it comes to shopping, I'm the big Cheez-It Kids better wise up, or they're doomed to repeat The Mother of All Parties Summertime, and the livin' can get a bit fishy The best summertime vacation is a good ol' staycation It's summer and the Bridezillas are in full bloom America's space cadets have an idea that's completely outside the box This party animal is following the yellow brick road My diet plan is a surefire way to lose your spouse Here's a vacation the kids won't forget anytime soon I'd rather read about walnuts than Britney Spears Birthday pinata duty has me feeling a little batty Can't we all just get along? Are you a meshugena? I've got a few pet peeves about sea creatures Some common grammar queries axed and answered Grads, the world is your oyster — and it's shut It's Barbie's world — the rest of us just live here 35 years later, it's a flight of the conned chords Trout fishing makes me blooping crazy Duct-tape daredevils When it comes to buying, my wife shops — and I drop I've found a guy who can write this column better me After all these years, still not ready for my closeup Let's watch out for those conjugal phrases A trip to North Dakota puts me on the map Kicking and hugging This dad has a severe case of wedding belle blues Thanks to the British, I've suffered another art attack My vocabulary is just teeming with synergy A brief emergency It's time for me to come clean about my dirty ways A ruff and ready playmate Sticking it to bad drivers The gravity of skiing Warning: DO NOT READ WHILE SLEEPING! I had fun, fun, fun till someone took my Vega away Attack on language from Shaq to shark Defusing the turkey bomb Driving While Stupid I'm living in a perpetual state of confusion Traveling with little ones is just plane crazy It's time to unmask a more traditional Halloween U.S. needs to shoot for a better class of criminals Mountain man training involves some trash talk Ten rules for making the world a much better place A slide down memory lane reminds me I got burned This latest research is enough to drive you nuts Wrestling with night critters gives me butterflies Silly songs get this old teapot into some hot water Kids better wise up, or they're doomed to repeat Overweight? I'm in training for the next Ice Age The bleu plate special proves just ducky on this trip Just weighting for the day I can build a better body Better to light a single gift candle than to curse your wife These camping tips will make for some happy trails I'm shooting the rapids with eyes wide shut People's bad grammar is enough to make me sic Toilet water as a weapon? That idea really stinks The carefree days of summer begin with the ants in my pants Heartland's moovers & shakers are an udder disgrace I've found a guy who can do this better than I can If you really love Dad, give him a big box of nothing Graduates, the world is your oyster — and it's shut How to look good in a swimsuit — no ifs, ands or butts Trip proves I'm the king of my own castle The writer vs. the writher beats the Hil & Obama fight Complain about gridlock? That's just a dead end New phone tactics help me develop new hangups For faithful readers, a course in Journalism $1.01 How to speak English very much better When it comes to laundry, men are all washed up This houseguest is ready to throw in the towel Fixing your home can truly be a bonding experience The lies about this mammal just drive me batty In spin cycle of love, hard to be delicate It's just not the time to thumb our nose at bagels Latest fitness Rx for men is a yawn My daughter's party, I'll cry if I want to Sanguine ride on rabid transportation One experiment worth repeating Nothing like a good trip to help me see the light The lord of the dance doesn't have anything on me Invention clearly worth the brewhaha Safe on the slopes Why-oh-why-oh-why-oh… A gross national columnist Mr. Language Person: Weird word I (cough) was a teenage smoker! Frogs hop into the headlines Great American turkeys Mr. Fixit strikes again ‘Einstein Gap’: It's all relative Lost in space The Trojan Twinkie Caper MR. LANGUAGE PERSON: WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! Feeding your worst fears Sock it to 'em, sartorially The rubber band man Does public art make sense? Needling the birthday boy On calamities (in the sky and on your head) Modern medical mysteries Bored games Dave's Field of Nightmares Lewis and Clark stepped here! The ultimate water gun Poetic license, with no rhyme or reason Great moments in science This won't hurt a bit One giant leap for frogkind My visit to Nether-Netherland Smile and say cheese Shooting carps in Wisconsin The perfect storm Stickup in aisle 3 Please don't feed the tourists Land of the Frozen Earwax The birth of wail Honk if you're married and can't cope with anger Rabbit ears get poor reception Percentage of frogs in food jumps Night of the living roach Mr. Language Person: Some words of wisdomality Mind your P's and Q's and teas Loose lips sink sequels NOW WE'RE COOKIN'! The right to Bear clubs Science: It's just not fair Road warrior specials Where's the beef? (Low fat) There is nothing like a male (guys) MOTIVATE! THEN FAIL! NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS Rooting for the midgets of the Midway Revolt of the rodents He can drive any truck named ‘Tonka’ All bets are off How do you spell S-A-T? Sour grapes and mud Pro golf: A game of non-stop boredom Guard-dog vigilance is nothing to sniff at Warm and fuzzy Cold War memories The funny side of ‘Beowulf’ HOLY HEAT WAVE, BATMAN! Abs-olute madness Beware of brainy bugs I'm in a sorry state The frog plague: The inside story If she had a hammer…. Keeping an eye on crime Camping and Lewis and Clark When in Iowa, don't forget to duck Junior takes the wheel Growing old with Dave Sites for sore eyes Beware of sheep droppings Ireland, land of bad Elvis Mr. Peabrain's misadventures When they're out to get you, keep cool Mothers of invention Kill 'em with kindness © 2006, The Miami Herald Distributed by Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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