Home
In this issue

Dec. 2, 2008

Melanie Phillips: The Mumbai atrocity is a wake-up call for a frighteningly unprepared world

Stratfor Geopolitical Intelligence Report: Strategic Motivations for the Mumbai Attack

Dec. 1, 2008

Max Freidlander, as told to Jacklyn C. Wadler: India Inkings

Mark Steyn: Whodunit!?

Nov. 28, 2008

Rabbi Ahron Rapps: An evil seed that didn't have to be

Melanie Phillips: Carpe diem --- or can we all relax now?

Nov. 26, 2008

Michael Feldberg: Meet the Orthodox Jew who laid groundwork for scientific development of ordnance that undergirds America's current world leadership

Andrea Simantov: Shades of life

Nov. 25, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Getting Emotional For Influence

The Kosher Gourmet by Ethel G. Hofman : Thanksiving feast!

Nov. 24, 2008

Rabbi S. Binyomin Ginsberg: 'I just Became a grandchild!'

Barry Rubin: Don't flatter your enemies, protect your friends

Nov. 21, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: Money matters?

Caroline B. Glick: Civilization walks the plank

Nov. 20, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: Bronfman's blindness

The Kosher Gourmet By Linda Gassenheimer: Portobellos add a hearty flavor to pasta with pesto

Nov, 19, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Spread the wealth? Jewish tradition and income equality

Elliot B. Gertel: 'Mad Men': Tackling prejudices or reinforcing them?

Nov, 18, 2008

Dr. Debby Schwarz Hirschhorn: The End of the Age of Reason

Jonathan Tobin: Does Barack + Bibi = Disaster?

Nov, 17, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The End of the Age of Reason

Diana West: Gulling Americans into making terror legit?

Nov, 14, 2008

Rabbi A. Henach Leibowitz: The Power of Spiritual Inertia

Caroline B. Glick: The perils ahead

Nov, 13, 2008

Stratfor Intelligence Briefing: How Bush and Obama together could change the Middle East dynamic

The Kosher Gourmet by JeanMarie Brownson: Sweet and savory, crispy and meltingly tender bestilla

Nov, 12, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir : Tyrannical Co-Workers

Michael Doyle: High Court to consider today donated monuments that may have religious messages in public parks

Nov, 11, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Will Obama stop government officials considering institutionalizing financial jihad?

Jonathan Tobin: They Will Decide Their Own Fate

Nov, 10, 2008

Rabbi Avi Shafran: $8 billion, modern-day Tower of Babel being built?

Barry Rubin: A letter to the president-elect from a Middle East realist

Nov, 7, 2008

Rabbi Francis Nataf: Of Children and Immortality

Caroline B. Glick: Livni's Obama strategy

Nov, 6, 2008

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: How I tricked a classroom of apathetic students into grasping the fallacy of moral relativism

The Kosher Gourmet By Gina Kim: Tips for making the perfect soup --- includes recipes

Nov, 5, 2008

The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Destitute Debtors

Bruce Weinstein: 'Religulos': Bad title,even worse movie

Nov, 4, 2008

Frank J. Gaffney, Jr.: Treasury Dept. submits to Shariah law

Frida Ghitis: A surprise for Obama in the Middle East

Nov, 3, 2008

Jonathan Rosenblum: Who says Jews are Smart?

Jonathan Tobin: Was He Wrong About Everything?

March 22, 2007

J-Rhythms with Avraham Rosenblum: JWR's cutting-edge music program showcasing performers -- singers, song writers, musicians, and bands -- who learn and live the Torah lifestyle (OUR NEWEST IGODCAST !)

Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review April 9, 2008 / 4 Nissan 5768

Down The Stretch, Here Come The Candidates...And The Commercials

By Steve Young


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Only three weeks to go and it already feels like an eternity. But you ain't seen nutin' yet. We're the last big stop before the Democratic Convention and besides bogus news soundbites you can expect Barack, Hillary and the Networks to pull out all the stops...


Fox News captures Hillary in a George Washington wig throwing a dollar across the Delaware. MSNBC does a feature on Obama wearing a Ben Franklin bifocals and bald cap catching the dollar, and cholera, in Valley Forge.


Jon Stewart interviews a bearded Hillary as she delivers an address at Gettysburg. Saturday Night Live talks the two candidates to duke it out on a nearby Gettysburg battlefield . Oh, the humanity. ...which also means 24/7 candidate pitches on TV, radio and phone interrupting shows, dinner, and anything left of peace of mind. Take One...


Hillary Clinton stands behind a nondescript Philly cheesesteak counter serving up sangwitches.


"Yo, Philly! Dis iz Hil. Not for nuthin', but if youse guyz want someone who wawks da wawk n'knowz dat 'Merca needz a prezident wit 'sperience, like steaks need cheez-wiz 'n dah Iggles needa wide receiver who can break a long one, member t'vote faw me dis April 22. It doehn matta wetter youz speak Inglish at Geno's or 'Talian at Pat's, I know wat ahm doin'. Y'unnerstan? Y'gotta guh hed and pullda lever faw a real Philly goil. (Turns to customer) Ain't that right, Cuz? (He gives thumbs up. Hil holds up cheesesteak). C'mon, I ain't got all day. Wit ot witout?


Take Two...


"Flashdance" blares in a small Pittsburgh steel-mill strip club as the lithe and limber Barack Obama lands in a chair, releasing a shower of water over his five hundred dollar Oxfords, then answers the phone at 2:59AM to find that he has not only won the presidency but the scholarship to the dance academy he had his hopes and dreams on but no one but he and Michele thought he would. He does a spin, a series of flips and finishes in a full split, turning to the camera... "Yes we can. Yes, we can."


Take Three...


Hillary in apron and bonnet, helps her Quaker super delegates in Amish Country raise a barn. She turns to camera. "If the barn wall falls on your family and outens your ability to raise another barn , will you have the health insurance to mind you and your neighbor's barn? I'm Hillary Clinton and as sure as I hate modern technology and approve riding a horse and carriage to work, I approve this message. Gott segen eich."


Take Four...


Barack Obama stands on a Roosevelt Boulevard corner in the Northeast, hawking soft pretzels. A car stops and Barack leans over to driver. "You want mustard wit dat?!"


Turns to camera...


"Or do you want hope?!"


Take Five...


The Rocky theme song, "Gonna Fly Now," plays as Hillary, the 2008 comeback kid, jogs through the Philadelphia Italian market, flies past Pat's and Geno's of South Philly, punches hanging raw meat in a Broad Street meat locker, and breathlessly scales the seventy-two steps of the Philadelphia Art Museum, finally reaching the plateau where victoriously she answers a red phone... at 3AM in the morning.


But the commercials will be nothing compared to the turf street-battles fights Philly street corner: Chubby Checker, Bobby Rydell, Fabian and Frankie Avalon harmonize as Hillary does the Twist in front of them. Catacorner, fainting commences as Teddy Pendergrass serenades the ladies as Will Smith and Patti LaBelle supply backup and Grammy Award winner Barack breaks a move with Oprah, who's not from Pennsylvania, but could buy the state for Obama if she wanted.


It's gonna be a rough three more weeks as the candidates plunder Pennsylvania for all it's worth. I just got one thing to say. Lemme know when they're done. I'll be waitin' in 'Lantic City 'til they are.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Steve Young is an award-winning TV writer and author of "Great Failures of the Extremely Successful". Comment by clicking here.



© 2008, Steve Young

Insight (Our Columnists)

 Mitch Albom
 Michael Barone
  Dave Barry
 Tony Blankley
 Andy Borowitz
 David Broder
 Stratfor Briefing
 Mona Charen
 Linda Chavez
 Ann Coulter
 Greg Crosby
 Rod Dreher
 Larry Elder
 Suzanne Fields
 John Fund
 Frank J. Gaffney
 Lloyd Garver
 Jonah Goldberg
 Julia Gorin
 Jonathan Gurwitz
 Paul Greenberg
 Victor Davis Hanson
 Betsy Hart
 David Harsanyi
 Nat Hentoff
 David Horowitz
 Laura Ingraham
 Jeff Jacoby
 Paul Johnson
 Jack Kelly
 James Klurfeld
 Ed Koch
 Ch. Krauthammer
 Jonathan Last
 Michael Ledeen
 John Leo
 David Limbaugh
 Kathryn Lopez
 Rich Lowry
 Michelle Malkin
 Jackie Mason
 The Medicine Men
 Dick Morris
 Bill O'Reilly
 Clarence Page
 Kathleen Parker
 Dennis Prager
 Wesley Pruden
 Tom Purcell
 Jonathan Rauch
 Celia Rivenbark
 Robert Robb
 Cokie & Steve Roberts
 Pat Sajak
 Debra J. Saunders
 Culture Shlock
 Roger Simon
 Michael Smerconish
 Thomas Sowell
 Mark Steyn
 John Stossel
 Cal Thomas
 Jonathan Tobin
 Bob Tyrrell
 Diana West
 Dave Weinbaum
 George Will
 Walter Williams
 Mort Zuckerman

'Toons
 Robert Arial
 Chuck Asay
 Chip Bok
 Dry Bones
  Lisa Benson
 John Branch
 Gary Brookins
 John Cole
 J. D. Crowe
 John Deering
 Brian Duffy
 Everything's Relative
 Mallard Fillmore
 Jake Fuller
 Bob Gorrel
 Joe Heller
 David Hitch
 Jerry Holber
 Steve Kelley
 Jeff Koterba
 Dick Locher
 Chan Lowe
 Ranan R. Lurie
 Jimmy Margulies
 Rick McKee
 Michael Ramirez
 Jeff Stahler
 Danna Summers
 John Trever
 Gary Varvel
 Kirk Walters

Lifestyles
 How 2
 Lori Borgman
 The Savvy Consumer
 Elder matters
 Fixit
 Dr. Peter Gott
 Marybeth Hicks
 GET A JOB! by Marty Nemko
 Richard Lederer
 Tech Maven
 Nutrition Myths
 Bruce Williams
 How Stuff Works