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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 24, 2007 / 6 Iyar, 5767

Emissions Control, we have a problem

By Wesley Pruden


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Karl Rove can stare down special prosecutors, intimidate rivals and dispatch Democratic presidential nominees to deep oblivion, but he's no match for the frugal wiper.


Getting downwind of Sheryl Crow could be everybody's nightmare. Miss Crow is a pop singer of some repute, as such reputations go, but like a lot of dance-hall glitteries she wants to do bigger things than sing songs about old boyfriends who dumped her. She's busy at the moment trying to cool down the globe, having just completed a transcontinental bus tour with her gal pal, a Los Angeles housewife named Laurie David, promising bemused college kids there's soon going to be a hot time in the old town, if not tonight then just as soon as the April ice and snow melt.


A little learning is a dangerous thing, as Alexander Pope reminded us, but he didn't consider the half of it. Ignorance combined with a little talent can be lethal. Miss Crow is obsessed with "emissions control," and she's concerned about trees. She can't grasp the difference between a California redwood planted by the wind 20 centuries ago and a Georgia soft pine planted by man 20 years ago to be harvested for pulp and paper. She's a very deep thinker of thoughts sometimes as weighty as a wisp of cotton candy. This is from her blog:


"Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating. One of my favorites is in the area of forest conservation which we heavily rely on for oxygen. I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting. Now, I don't want to rob any law-abiding American of his or her G-d-given rights, but I think we are an industrious enough people that we can make it work with only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where 2 or 3 could be required."


You can see why Karl Rove was wary when she approached him at the White House Correspondents' Association dinner the other night in Washington, where he was trying to confront his plate of "surf 'n' turf," a grim enough prospect for anyone any time anywhere. Miss Crow and her lady-in-waiting accosted him in midbite.


"I urge you to take a new look at global warming," the gal pal told him. Words were soon flying as thick as sour-mash notes at a rock concert, and the honky-tonk diva stepped in to make peace, and made infotainment news.


"You work for me," she haughtily told the president's main man.


"No, I don't," he replied. "I work for the American people." There was more along that line, but enough was enough for Karl: "She came over to insult me, and she succeeded." Villain or not, he was too much the Texican gentleman to say whether Miss Crow passed the sniff test, but who could blame him for turning discreetly away? For all he knew, Miss Crow had just come from one of those "pesky occasions" where she had done her duty for the planet even though "2 or 3 squares" were not really enough.


Miss Crow is a full-service visionary. Another of her inspirations for emissions control is "in the earliest stages of development." (Deep thinkers never rest.) She regards paper dinner napkins, like toilet paper, a byproduct of all those pine trees, as "representing the height of wastefulness." She never uses them. She has designed a "dining sleeve," which is worn over a shirt or blouse or maybe even a jacket, and if a diner misses his mouth with surf, turf or whatever he can wipe the surplus gravy on his dining sleeve. The sleeve is detachable for laundering, or even for one of those "pesky occasions."


Miss Crow, like her energy-hogging hero Al Gore, worries about leaving a deep "carbon footprint," and according to the Smoking Gun, an irreverent and reliable Internet site, she travels the country in "three tractor trailers, four buses and six cars" to spread her message of frugality (for others). Her typical concert contract includes binding instructions that she must have in her dressing room 12 bottles of Grolsch beer, six bottles of "local" beer, eight bottles of Snapple (various flavors), four bottles of ginger ale, a pint of soy milk, bottles (one each) of "good" Australian cabernet, a merlot, bourbon, gin and brandy, and "unchilled" mineral water ("not Evian"), and lots of chips and dips. On a diet like that, one square of toilet paper is never enough.

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JWR contributor Wesley Pruden is editor in chief of The Washington Times. Comment by clicking here.

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