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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Nov. 16, 2009 / 29 Mar-Cheshvan 5770

No regrets for guilt-free yelling at my kids

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Mine has to be the most guilt-ridden generation of parents that ever existed.


That was the big takeaway I got from a recent New York Times piece by Hilary Stout, "For Some Parents, Shouting is the New Spanking." It was filled with hang-wringing by angst-ridden parents who have yelled at their children. "'I've worked with thousands of parents and I can tell you, without question, that screaming is the new spanking' ... 'this is so the issue right now,' " Amy McCready, the founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, told Stout.


A blogger on motherblogger.net wrote that revealing online that she "loses it" in front of her kids was like revealing a "dark family secret."


A poll on what causes parenting guilt was commissioned by authors of the upcoming book, "Mommy Guilt: Learn to Worry Less, Focus on What Matters Most, and Raise Happier Kids." Stout reports: "Two-thirds of respondents named yelling — not working or spanking or missing a school event — as their biggest guilt inducer."


OK, timeout. Those of us who argue that spanking can be a legitimate form of discipline for younger kids are thinking, of course today's parents yell more. When a parent doesn't feel he has the option to stop bad behavior early with a controlled spanking, the parent is more likely to, well, lose control. Which can mean out-of-control yelling and/or all sorts of other responses.


By the way, socially acceptable or not, surveys show that the majority of parents spank their young kids. (Really, since historically in the United States children were routinely spanked, one wonders how our country, and all the little psyches in it, survived to lead the free world.)


But I digress. What about when a parent yells, as I fully admit I sometimes do when the situation warrants attention-getting but not spanking? (For which my older kids are no longer eligible anyway.)


Well, I just don't have a lot of guilt about it. Actually, when it comes to being a parent, I have relatively little guilt, period. I'm doing the best I can here, after all. I suppose if I were sending my children off to work 12 hours a day in a field or factory, I would wince. But my kids have a pretty good life. I'm guessing that's the case for most of the coddled kids of the guilt-ridden yelling parents.


And by the way — my children know I am crazy about them, and devoted to them.


They also know I'm real. And sometimes yelling really gets their attention. Those are typically the moments when I'm less worried about their tender psyches and more worried about mine.


Look, sometimes my kids drive me completely crazy, and I don't think letting them know that once in a while is so terrible. What is this constant angst about our children "feeling bad," anyway? There are times when I think my kids shouldn't feel bad about themselves. They should feel downright awful! It's called developing a conscience.


Look, I'm the first one to genuinely apologize to my kids when I've wronged them, including yelling at them when I shouldn't. Other times I think the yelling is spot on. Either way, all four seem pretty happy and secure in general, so I guess they are psychologically intact.


I know that I'm not always going to get it right as a mom. In fact, there times when I downright blow it. But as long as I'm loving my kids and doing the best I can in the moment, I'm just not going to feel guilty about that.

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JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.

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