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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 30, 2011 / 30 Menachem-Av, 5771

Marriage redemption

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | This past March, I shared with permission my friend "Denise's" story of discovering her husband's long-term infidelity. She sent me excerpts from her journal at the time, including this one:

"I have never been so tested in my life. I just keep trying to stay focused on how I want this sad story to have a happy ending, especially for my children."

Readers might know it was only a few weeks ago that I shared an update on Casey, a young woman whose affair with a married man ended when he "betrayed" her after his divorce.

The time seemed right to revisit the other side of a similar-though-unrelated narrative.

Denise (not her real name) told me she continues to feel tired and stressed, but is increasingly confident that her marriage can be made whole again. It will be a different kind of wholeness, surely, but this is where they are now:

Denise's husband convinced her early on that it was his intention, at least, not to return to his affair. But there was a lot of anger on his part at first. He felt a little trapped. Still, Denise was hopeful that she would see real repentance over time.

Since then she believes that, by God's grace, she has. That he is taking real ownership of his sin, which in turn is allowing her more and more to get to the place she longs and needs to be: where she can put the affair behind them both, and never bring it up again.

She told me that she feels a key to the ongoing healing is a structure for accountability for both of them. Meaning, for starters, seeing a counselor they both trust on a weekly basis, and attending church together every Sunday. Her husband's desire to meaningfully engage with her on several levels has, she thinks, been a basis for repair. No doubt it was and is a bellwether of his commitment to his family.

Eventually they will get to the dynamics of the marriage itself and how to make those more satisfying. (Though it's worth reiterating that she was not responsible for his actions. Like all spouses, Denise is not perfect. But no spouse should ever have to compete with the lure of an illicit relationship.)

Denise told me that they have grown closer, for now, as a result of walking together through the mire. One thing that struck her? "I now have a better sense of the sin people are capable of." She's including herself there, too.

They are not "back" yet. There is still anger and frustration on both sides, and the emotions sometimes come when they least expect it. She is still scared. She knows of similar stories where things seemed promising, but then further infidelity craters the marriage.

I like the song "Slow Fade" by the group Casting Crowns. It speaks of sin, especially infidelity, as being a process: "People never crumble in a day/It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade" the lyrics go in part. I think that's true. Recovering from sin can be a process, too.

Right now, Denise is determined to do everything she can to succeed and to help her husband. He seems to desire in turn to help her. They both know they need God's grace in this.

Sure, there will be rough patches, but the couple seem to have the big picture right. That's why, unlike Casey's narrative, I believe that Denise and her husband's might become a genuine redemption story.

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