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Jewish World Review
August 18, 2010
/ 8 Elul, 5770
Talk to yourself more
By
Betsy Hart
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I will sometimes tell my children "Honey, you need to talk less, and listen more."
But I recently had that admonition turned on its head. I heard it shared that really, "We need to listen to ourselves less, and talk to ourselves more."
How often today's culture seems to encourage us to listen to our emotions and let them dictate our response. We "feel" that we were wronged, or we "feel" that we have a desire for something, or maybe someone other than our spouse, or in my children's case, they "feel" that I'm being terribly unfair about fill-in-the-blank. And those feelings wash over us and direct our heart and our actions, and we let them.
Sure, sometimes we have cause to be unhappy, or we are understandably suffering. It's also the case that there are instances when others really do wrong us.
But most folks, myself at the top of the list, aren't so clear on the details of the wrongs we've committed against others. We don't want to review those so carefully in our minds or with friends! In fact, when remembering how I have hurt, disappointed, failed another or worse, I'm really good at stopping short in my memory and just refusing to review it. It's just too painful.
But what a good thing it would be to learn to "talk" to ourselves whenever we're tempted to review another's wrong against us (assuming the matter itself has been rightly dealt with as much as it can be). To have a conversation something along the lines of, "self, I refuse to review this again, in the same way I don't want to review my own past wrongs against another."
How freeing such regular "talks" with ourselves would be for most of us!
And on the flip side, we'd be well served to realistically "talk" to ourselves about finding the good even in the very difficulty of the difficult relationship -- how is this stretching me? Or in the very challenge of the challenging circumstance --what am I learning through this pain, how might it help another?
Yep, I think I have to reword a little what I'm teaching my kids. Because how much better off most of us would be if we "listened" to ourselves less, and "talked" to ourselves more.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.
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