Home
In this issue
December 2, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 2, 2011 / 2 Menachem-Av, 5771

The baby craze

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My children were all buzzing around me one day recently. I finally cracked, as I sometimes do, and offered a general, "Oh, good grief. Where did all you people come from, anyway?" To which one of my daughters immediately responded, "Well, Mom, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much ..."

Everyone's a comedian.

Studies show that, typically, women respond warmly to babies whether or not they have had their own. (Men, typically, respond warmly to babies only after they have their own.) Full disclosure: Throughout my non-baby life, I could look at a baby and be entirely unmoved and uninterested.

I'm not sure I've ever written about the fact that until right before I got pregnant with my first, I didn't have any great desire to have children.

There's a reason I'm sharing it now. Stick with me.

I thought I eventually would have children as part of an obligation of some sort. True enough. But the prospect of a career was far more interesting to me than babies. I would not have chosen to forgo children. I do sheepishly admit that at one point in my 20s I actually thought if somehow I were infertile, I could at least close that door without guilt.

I married when I was 24 and he was 29. I don't remember ever once discussing thoughts about children before our wedding. Even several years into our marriage, I panicked when I had a "pregnancy scare." At age 30, I still had never been pregnant. Somewhere in there, I remember that my then-husband and I had church-nursery duty one day and left congratulating ourselves that we hadn't done that nonsense yet.

But needless to say, when I got pregnant -- eventually, it just seemed like now or never -- everything changed. Everything. At some point, I realized that one of the reasons I had avoided "that nonsense" was because I somehow knew that having a child would make me vulnerable to the world, and the pain and even the joy it could open me to, in a whole new way. Suddenly, there was a chink in my armor.

Eventually, there were four of them.

My children know I wasn't exactly the maternal type before I got pregnant with my first. I'm not proud of that -- but in any event, they don't care. They know that I love them more than life itself. And that I dread -- and I mean dread -- the day fast approaching when the first moves out.

All of this isn't about facing unwanted or unexpected pregnancies. It's about wanted, expected pregnancies that don't happen. You see, I was deeply moved as I recently read about an unsuccessful pursuit of a baby in "The Baby Chase: Adventures in Infertility" by Holly Finn, as excerpted in The Wall Street Journal. (Buy the book in Kindle edition for $1.99 by clicking here.)

Finn started fertility treatment a few years ago in her late 30s, and so far, no baby. She accepts that it's unlikely there will be one. She is heartbroken.

Finn notes, of course, that while there is no guarantee of fertility at any age, it's dramatically more likely a woman will get pregnant the younger she is. But women are increasingly delaying starting their families. And while gynecologists routinely ask a woman what she is doing for birth control, it's rare they will talk to her about her fertility. It's somehow seen as condescending.

Women are too often left to visions of celebrity mothers having babies well into their 40s (though it's frequently with borrowed eggs), and often mistakenly think they themselves can easily wait.

So much for knowledge is power, and empowering women.

Well, back to my story and why I'm sharing it now.

I'm guessing that today, more than ever, women in their 20s and early 30s might think that whatever else goes into their decisions about starting families, they should at least "feel" like it's time. Strongly. So in case it's helpful, I just want such women to know that I myself didn't "feel" much at all like having children before having them. My children changed me in that regard. So much.

Oh, and FYI: When I see a baby now, I utterly fall to pieces. Every time.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.

BUY BETSY'S BOOK
"It Takes a Parent : How the Culture of Pushover Parenting is Hurting Our Kids — and What to Do About It"  

"Hart urges parents to focus...on instilling industry, frugality, sincerity and humility. She encourages parents to reclaim the word "no." Contrary to advice you may have received, you needn't give your child choices, or offer alternatives, or explain to little Suzie why she can't eat eight cookies right before bed-you're the parent, and sometimes you can just say no."

  —   Kirkus Reports

Sales help fund JWR.

Betsy Hart Archives

© 2007, Scripps Howard News Servic

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles