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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 26, 2013/ 19 Meanachem-Av, 5773

With age comes wisdom?

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | So Tish Cyrus and entertainer Billy Ray Cyrus, parents of singer-actress Miley Cyrus, have just announced they are ditching their planned divorce. The couple -- married for almost 20 years, they have three children together -- are both in their early 50s. Couples therapy has really helped, they said in a recent statement to People magazine.

However they turned things around, good for them. I hope it lasts.

But I'm not so optimistic about many other Americans over age 50 who are ending their marriages. The statistics continue to demonstrate the rise of divorce in this demographic. In fact, the rate of divorce among the over-50 set has doubled over the last two decades, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University. That's as the overall divorce rate in the U.S. has slowed.

I often write about marriage and commitment. I myself went through an unwanted divorce. After eight years of single-parenthood, I remarried last fall. Good grief -- my columns on marriage practically write themselves.

Even so, I recently heard something about marriage that really impacted me. This was from a talk, "Overview: Marriage as Commitment," given by pastor-theologian Tim Keller, a recording of which was sent to me by a friend. (Keller's themes in this talk are echoed in his and his wife's recent book, "The Meaning of Marriage.")

Keller simply reminded listeners that we love what, and who, we serve.


He gave this example, to paraphrase: He noted that as we look back at our child's life and he gets to be in the late teens, we've gotten almost nothing from him. We've given everything to him. And yet, we typically adore him, faults and all. Moreover, we might get irritated that he won't do the laundry without complaining, but we don't harbor any resentment that he doesn't equally love and sacrifice for us.

The end of that time of child-rearing is fast becoming a time when more and more divorces happen -- in part, Keller suggests, because we don't love our spouses in any kind of similar way. We've spent decades with a sense of pursuing what we (begin ital) want (end ital) from a spouse, not committing to (begin ital) give (end ital) to a spouse.

In the baby-boomer age of "it's all about me," well, it's easy to see how decades of that habit led to an ever-increasing number of divorces in the 50-and-over range. In fact, as researchers ponder the phenomenon, one of the suggestions as to why it's happening is that spouses look at the coming golden years and ask things like, "Is this all there is? If I don't find something or someone better now, I never will!"

In contrast, I've suggested before that if we could seek to love our spouses like we freely love our children, how much happier so many of our marriages would be!

But I haven't focused enough on the fact that we love our kids so much and so completely, as Keller notes, in part (begin ital) because (end ital) we serve them so naturally. We love those we serve. We serve those we love. The (begin ital) act (end ital) of serving informs our feeling of love. Love is in the doing. This is completely at odds with a culture that says "Love is what I (begin ital) feel (end ital)."

Saying, as Keller does, that we should love our spouses by doing more for them whether we feel like it or not in the moment, that we will naturally love them more if we serve them more, is a tough sell today.

So as the population continues to age, there will be more divorces in this age group. These divorces rip apart whole families, too.

The reality, of course, is that a lot of these divorced folks will end up old and alone. Or even if they do find someone to pair up with, they will still be focused on serving themselves. That's lonely, too.

The divorce culture is so deceptive. And now that the 50-and-over crowd is apparently jumping on board, too, I have to say: So much for the old adage, "With age comes wisdom."

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