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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review July 17, 2009 / 25 Tamuz 5769

Scolding someone else's child

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Why is it that parents, kids and ego seem to be such an unhealthy combination?


I don't mean in the form of our children's success in school, sports or music.


I'm talking about behavior. I noticed this recently as my friend Lynne, mom of 5, reprimanded one of my children for behaving badly.


Shocked? No. I couldn't have been happier. Lynne and her husband love my kids, and she was spot on about the poor attitude one of my children was displaying.


Lynne and I easily correct each other's children. But we've often noted that there aren't a whole lot of people with whom we can do that.


In contrast when I was growing up, if Mrs. Cooper called my mother to report that I had behaved badly, my mother wasn't the least bit offended. Because my friends' moms were not being critical of her, they were just loving me, as my mom did their kids. Of course, I wasn't happy when one of those phone calls came in because I then knew I was in big trouble. But at least in this best sense, it really did take a village to raise a child.


My mother's ego was not tied up in my behavior. Her and my dad's goal for their five children was to shape our characters. They seemed to understand that that shaping process could be a very messy.


And, they lived in a time when whatever one's parenting philosophy, there was one thing which seemed universally understood -- children were little people with large-sized, flawed characters, who very much needed civilizing. Naturally then, in the process of raising a child and working to help him grow in integrity, that flawed character would occasionally, or maybe frequently, display itself. Even if a parent intervened in all sorts of "right" ways.


A parent's calling was to respond over time as well as she could to such displays -- not take them personally.


Today the common view of parenting, consistent among most parenting "experts," is that children's characters start out as essentially "clean slates" and it's up to us parents to write upon them. But if that's the case, then when our children misbehave it really is our fault as parents. It means we didn't consult the right expert or follow the right formula. It's all about mom and dad. If someone dares to correct our children, they are really correcting us.


As long as there is a prevalent belief that parenting is primarily about finding the right "formula," instead of helping to better shape an inherently flawed character, we can't separate our egos from our kids or rightly be a village for each other's children. We parents will be too busy being defensive about our parenting.

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