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Nov. 6, 2009
Rabbi Berel Wein: Choosing to hear
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Suzanne Fields A Fallen Wall for Fallen Man
Nov. 5, 2009
The Kosher Gourmet: Three scrumptious -- but simple -- butternut squash dishes
JWisdom.com Hidden Hints: Unlocking Faith & Prayer with Rabbi Jay Yaacov Schwartz (10 minutes)
Nov. 4, 2009
Tom Hamburger and Kim Geiger: Should prayers be covered?
JWisdom.com When God played peacemaker With Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (5 minutes)
Nov. 3, 2009
Martin Peretz: Beware, Barack. Beware, Rahm. Beware, Axelrod
JWisdom.com Are you are closet idolater? With Sara Yoheved Rigler (10 minutes)
Nov. 2, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The Holocaust is now on Facebook
JWisdom.com Abraham's Strange Change With Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer (5 minutes)
Oct. 30, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Secret to Immortality
Caroline B. Glick Silencing dissent in America
Oct. 29, 2009
Lini S. Kadaba: Do tactics avert flu or reduce humanity?
JWisdom.com We Must Revamp our Religious Vocabulary With Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 28, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Atheists in Bubbleland
JWisdom.com Why what we wear impacts who we are With Rabbis Mordechai Becher, Menachem Golberger and Aliza Bulow ( 10 minutes)
Oct. 27, 2009
Paul Greenberg: The United Nations Is Outraged Again, Or: Department of Mideast Static
JWisdom.com The Science of Love With Rabbi Jonathan Rietti ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 26, 2009
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Damaging disclosures with a twist
JWisdom.com Wisdom and Wonks With Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 23, 2009
Rabbi David Aaron: Are you ready for the ultimate pleasure?
JWisdom.com Watermark and oneness with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick Stop using limited powers in a way that expands our enemies' advantages over us
Oct. 22, 2009
Steven Emerson: Terror Cases Share Desire to Kill Americans
JWisdom.com No More More Family Fights --- Really? By Sarah Chana Radcliffe ( 5 minutes)
Oct. 21, 2009
Tonya Alanez: Holocaust denier sues survivor, calling Auschwitz memoir 'vicious lies'
JWisdom.com Meditating Jewishly: A Panacea for Success by Sarah Yoheved Rigler ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 20, 2009
Dennis Prager: Obama and Dalai Lama: Why Israel Worries about U.S. President
JWisdom.com Abraham was not religious By Rabbi Yitzchok Fingerer ( 6 minutes)
Oct. 19, 2009
JWisdom.comWhy Good People Do Bad Things By Rabbi Eytan Feiner ( 7 minutes)
Oct. 16, 2009
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: The Perfect Number
JWisdom.com Hearing Voices By Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick How Turkey was lost
Oct. 15, 2009
Jeff Jacoby: Peace vs. the 'peace process'
JWisdom.com: Former MTV producer and stand-up comedian Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff: Taming a Control Freak (A VERY fast 15 minutes)
Oct. 29, 2003
Mortimer B. Zuckerman: Graffiti On History's Walls (MUST-READ!)

Jewish World Review May 11, 2007 / 23 Iyar, 5767

Alpha moms vs. commonsense moms

By Betsy Hart


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | In honor of Mother's Day, I'm enlisting with the "slacker moms," as USA Today described us this week.


In, "'Slacker Moms' Urge Other Mothers to Chill," Sharon Jayson describes the new version of the "mommy wars." She writes that this one isn't between stay-at-home moms and their professional peers, it's a skirmish between the controlling, super efficient, protective "alpha moms" and the more laid back "slacker moms."


Jayson writes that the latter "may forget to send back permission slips or lose track of their turn for team snacks." My own picture should appear next to that sentence.


Of course, the term "slacker" mom isn't right at all. I prefer the more accurate term of "commonsense" mom. Anyway, one commonsense mom confesses to Jayson (gasp!) that, contrary to the other affluent moms around her, she lets her 10 and 11 and 7-year-olds ride their bikes in their neighborhood. Ooooh.


In today's parenting world that is living on the edge. Especially for the mom, who may risk censure from the "alphas."


When I think of "alpha" moms, I'm reminded of those moms with healthy young children who announce with exhaustion they can't go to the bathroom alone. I think of the mothers who agonize endlessly with their child over every bruised knee or hurt feeling, and fear that if they don't get their children into the right preschool at age 3, their chances at Harvard are over.


Yes, there are "alpha" dads, though they don't seem to be quite as intense. Let's save that for Father's Day.


I'm guessing that the more kids you have, the harder it is to be an "alpha" mom. With my four, I couldn't be an "alpha" if I tried. Yes, I allow more than one child at a time onto my large (netted) trampolineand wow do they have a blast. If it's a beautiful day and my kids are a bit late getting home from school, I assume they've stopped at the park for a few minutes, not that they've been abducted. I don't worry about trace amounts of pesticides remaining on their fruit after I wash it. I readily tell them I'm not the entertainment committee. And sometimes after they scrape a knee or an ego and have gotten their hug, I tell them to stop whining and move on.


I want them to work hard in school because that's their job, whether or not they end up at Harvard. And sometimes if we stay up late on a school night to watch a movie together, well — so what?


I love my kids like crazy. I even have fun being around them. I'm also quite open about something alpha moms seem loath to admit: sometimes it's not fun. Sometimes parenting is just hard. Sometimes it's just a good time to send them all to bed.


Yes, I worry: about building my children's characters, helping them to deal with a world that wants to seduce them in every unwholesome way, teaching them to respect themselves, and me, and the principle behind "no, you can't have it, you can't do it, you can't behave that way." Teaching them to esteem others, not just themselves, and that it's my job to care for them and lead them. And that yes that they are precious and the world still doesn't revolve around them.


The helicopter parents who seem to live in a constant state of anxiety and fear, who consistently worry about building their child's all-important self-esteem in addition to their little one's resume, well I just don't think they can be having a whole lot of fun. Sure they love their kids like crazy too, but I have to wonder — are they raising "all about me" nervous nellies?


Yes, there's probably a lot of overlap in almost every mom between "alpha" and "commonsense." And look, I hardly think I get it all right. In fact, lots of times I don't get any of it right. For starters, I'm not necessarily happy about the fact that I'm raising children who are perfectly comfortable (occasionally) sleeping in their clothes. The list goes on.


But, if I could give a gift this Mother's Day to every mom in America, it would be this: Relax, give your children and yourself the freedom to fail, and just enjoy your kids!


Happy Mother's Day!

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JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.

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