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April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 19, 2011 / 15 Nissan, 5771

Saving a marriage after infidelity

By Betsy Hart



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My friend "Denise" -- not her real name -- came to me in despair a few months ago. Married for more than 20 years and with children still at home, she found out her husband had been having an affair for some time.

Denise didn't listen to close family members who basically told her to kick him to the curb and start a new life on her own. That seems to be our culture's prevailing attitude, as well. Instead, she is choosing to fight for her marriage because there is so much at stake.

Denise has asked me to walk with her in this; I suppose because she knows how strongly I believe she is doing the right thing. Of course, she's not doing it by herself. Her husband agreed to end the affair, and to work with her to save the marriage. That's not easy. Pulled out of a "double life" because of discovery, but not regret, suddenly being faithful again is new to him. I give him great credit for trying, instead of just walking.

Still, emotional explosions have not been uncommon between them. Of course, it's a roller coaster.

This is her story. Actually, I guess it's their story. Denise has wisely worked to limit those she's personally told. However, she agreed to let me share their struggles here -- while protecting their anonymity -- in the hopes this might help someone else.

Denise recently sent me a bit of her journal. She wrote that "several months in (after the discovery) and I am still here. I am still alive and I am still in my marriage trying to make it work. ... I have never been so tested in my life. I just keep trying to stay focused on how I want this sad story to have a happy ending, especially for my children."

What Denise hopes for, she told me, is real repentance over time from her husband. And it does take time for someone pulled out of serious sin to come to repentance. She eventually hopes for a new marriage with the same man.

Denise needs her husband to take ownership of what he did. In turn, he needs her to acknowledge that he's really trying to change. They found a counselor they trust. While they are digging deep at the moment, she's held out to him that she wants there to come a day, and soon, when this is put behind them for good and she does not have the right to bring it up again. Ever. That, in turn, gives him hope that he can have his family back without this hanging over him forever.

Also from her journal: "We have had some wonderful moments of intimacy that reacquaint us with the connection and love that brought us together decades ago. We have also had some wretched and painful evenings where the pain and guilt swallow us both whole."

No kidding. It's a tough road. But right now she's optimistic, and I think she has reason to be. It takes real strength -- in the form of God's grace -- to do what they are doing.

And this isn't over yet. Denise knows someone caught up in that life has a real chance of going back to it. At the same time, she rightly doesn't blame herself for the affair. Even faithful husbands and wives are never "perfect." Maybe that's why we are called to love and be faithful to our marriage partners even when -- especially when -- that's hard. For better and for worse. Will her husband choose to walk that path now? Time will tell.

She'll be OK if he doesn't. They and their children will all be so much better off if he does. I have real optimism that they can repair and rebuild. But if they do, it will only be because, for starters, both of them will have turned their backs on the "it's all about me" culture.

I plan on writing more about their story. I hope, and believe it's very possible, that the next installment will be a happy, well, new beginning.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.

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