March 5, 2014
Netanyahu's inaction to Obama's provocations sends powerful message
Kerry, after apparent criticism by Schumer, seeks to allay skepticism on diplomacy
How to ruin a perfectly good kid in 10 simple steps
2014 Oscars played it safe, but was faith lost in the shuffle?
Apple joins Hobby Lobby in touting corporate values beyond profit
March 3, 2014
Alina Dain Sharon: In the Hebrew calendar, a leap year has extra month, not day
Latest Obama appointment to prove Prez set on emasculating so-called Israel Lobby
Jewish World Review
March 26, 2013/ 15 Nissan, 5773
The end of dating?
Perhaps one of the biggest changes in the dating culture over the last century was the introduction of the car. Before that, a young man would typically come into a woman's home for courtship and that was ... about all there was since he would likely be under the watchful eye of her family.
Then, with the widespread introduction of the auto in the 1920s, for the first time a young couple had the freedom to drive away. Etc.
Leap ahead not quite a century, and dating has changed again. Radically. In fact, many young people don't "date" anymore. Several books and, most recently, The New York Times piece "The End of Courtship," by Alex Williams, chronicle the rise of a new culture. It's not just the "hookup" culture in which young people meet for sex only, it's a social-media-hookup world. No planning, no forethought -- just a "What's up? Wanna get together?" vibe.
As Williams puts it, "In the context of dating, it removes much of the needs for charm; it's more like dropping a line in the water and hoping for a nibble."
These trends are accelerating, and women in particular bemoan them. But make no mistake: Many men do, too. That's according to those who've studied the trend, like Donna Freitas, a religion professor whom Williams cites. She is the author of the forthcoming "The End of Sex: How Hookup Culture is Leaving a Generation Unhappy, Sexually Unfulfilled, and Confused about Intimacy" (Basic Books).
In any event, the addition of social media, according to Williams, is a factor in "the end of courtship." But cars changed things, too, and while surely many parents were disturbed at the freedom autos provided in the 1920s, '30s, '40s and beyond, at least the endgame of marriage was still the same as it had been. In fact, marriage rates hit an all-time high in the U.S. as World War II ended. Today they are at an all-time low.
Yes, we can blame a lot of different factors for this current situation. But surely one of the big ones? Women. You read that right.
Used to be, it seems, that if women had high expectations and a man wanted her -- well, he had to rise to those expectations or move on.
Women, apparently, no longer have those high expectations. They'll too often respond to a booty-text at 11 at night. They will put up with the last-minute " 'sup?" calls at 11:30.
Whether it's single women in their 20s who bemoan how difficult it is to find a good man, or the women my age who say the same, almost to a one they end up "putting out" early in the relationship (whether they want to or not) and putting up with a certain level of nonsense. All because they think they can't ask for more.
Yep, men are off the hook in the hookup culture.
Ironically, our culture says women should "keep a guy who doesn't pursue you but expects you to jump into bed with him," but "dump the guy who doesn't understand your feelings like your best girlfriend does."
Yet whenever I meet a woman who holds out to be courted, inevitably she is having better relationships. The Times piece, only at the very end, described one such young lady:
"Cheryl Yeoh, a tech entrepreneur in San Francisco, said that she has been on many formal dates of late -- plays, fancy restaurants. One suitor even presented her with red roses. For her, the old traditions are alive simply because she refuses to put up with anything less."
I know a few young women -- just a few -- who have shared similar stories with me of expecting to be picked up for a real date planned in advance and initiated by him, for him to bring up the subject of marriage before the subject of sex -- and having their expectations met.
So what's going on with the other women, who settle for what they don't want and so don't end up getting what they hope for? My guess is that they are afraid of being alone. That's powerful, especially as one gets older. I know that fear. I myself had to walk away from more than one relationship before meeting and marrying my prince last year!
And no, I'm not arguing that doing the right thing will always get you the right relationship you crave.
But this much is true: While men are wonderful, we women typically set the standard when it comes to relationships. And social media aside, if we set it low, it will inevitably be met.
if (strpos(, "printer_friendly") === 0)
=<<Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
|BUY THE E-BOOK FOR $0.99|
Click HERE to purchase it. (Sales help fund JWR.).
JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.
Betsy Hart Archives
© 2012, Scripps Howard News Servic