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Jewish World Review Jan. 12, 2011 / 7 Shevat, 5771 A curmudgeon offers a lesson in proper English usage By Betsy Hart
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
I once read that we have a hormone that provides a certain amount of inhibition against speaking our minds. As we age we lose that hormone.
All I can say is, "uh-oh."
It's already happening to me. I know this because of how often I mentally -- and lately actually -- correct other people's English. I just this morning sent an e-mail back to a friend with a correction. She used "I could care less" when of course she meant, "I couldn't care less."
What kind of a person corrects other people's language use? Well, a curmudgeon, that's who. I am increasingly becoming one.
Now I'm the first to admit that I give editors snits because I will often -- deliberately or otherwise -- break the rules of grammar. Actually, because I went to grade school in the 1970s, I never actually learned the rules of grammar. I just kind of felt my way along. So, for instance, I like to start sentences with "and," apparently a "no-no." I also tend to use sentence fragments. A lot. And I'll probably never get "which" vs. "that" quite right.
Now even I accept that sometimes "you" just sounds better than "one," even when the latter is technically correct, so okay. You don't have to go out of your way to sound stiff. I'm even comfortable with the politically correct use of some pronouns. "He" used to often mean, "he or she" and no one was particularly offended. Now one person is often rendered "them" for the sake of gender politics. "Check with your child, then have them return the form." Ick, but at least I know why it's happening.
But still, there are a few iterations of the English language that make me simply, increasingly, crazy. Things that go way beyond "I did good" when one does "well." Mistakes that elicit increasingly an on-the-spot correction from this curmudgeon, and not just when it comes to my kids. Fortunately, the aforementioned friend is the type who "couldn't care less" that I correct her.
Here are a few more:
"Anyways" is not a word. Ever. "Anyway" is.
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Unless you want the folks at the bank to toss money at you as you pass it, you had better "go to" the bank," not "go by" the bank.
No one has "Sister-in-laws." But you might have several "sisters-in-law.'
"I feel badly" about something tells me that you have poor nerve endings in the tips of your fingers. Rather, you probably felt "bad" about something.
But the mother of all mistakes, the one that causes me mental fireworks partly because I routinely hear it from newscasters, in movies, and even from my children's teachers, is the misuse of pronouns when one probably thinks he or she is being very proper indeed. "Would you like to go with David and I?" is wrong, wrong, wrong. One uses together whatever pronouns one would use separately. I would say, "would you like to go with me?" So, if I ask you to go to the movies with "us," I would say "please go with Dave and me."
I once found myself really attracted to a guy partly because he used pronouns correctly in such circumstances. I think we can agree that's a little sick. More to the point, five years ago none of this would have phased me. Not anymore. That protective hormone is dropping by the day.
Anyway, I'm guessing it would be pretty easy for readers to pick through this column and find various mistakes of mine. Please feel free to note same and send along to me. Seriously. One reason I know I'm losing that hormone? I'm increasingly happy to meet my fellow curmudgeons.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. JWR contributor Betsy Hart, a frequent commentator on CNN and the Fox News Channel, can be reached by clicking here.
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