
 |
|
June 19, 2013
June 12, 2013
Stephanie Hanes: Little girls or little women? The Disney princess effect
Fred Weir: In tweak to US, Russia would 'consider' asylum for Snowden
June 10, 2013
The Kosher Gourmet by Anjali Prasertong: A tart filling so good it might not make it to the crust
June 5, 2013
John Rosemond: Mom, Dad: Talk More and listen less
Kristen Chick: Egypt court sentences 43 pro-democracy workers to prison
June 3, 2013
Molly Hennessy-Fiske: Military judge to consider letting Fort Hood shooting defendant represent himself
May 29, 2013
Andrew Connelly and Helene Bienvenu: The Little Synagogue that Refused to Die
May 24, 2013
Rabbi Tzvi Hersh Weinreb: When I didn't so 'humbly disagree'
May 22, 2013
John Thorne:
They launched the 'Arab Spring' but now yearn for the good old days of a strongman
May 20, 2013
Richard A. Serrano: Is Meir Kahane's assassin now a changed man?
Melissa Healy: Genetic copies of living people from embryos no longer science fiction
Jewz in the Newz by Nate Bloom : Jews Inducted into Rock Hall of Fame; Anton Yelchin co-stars in New "Trek" film; Kutcher (but not Kunis) visits Israel; Jewish TV Star Praises Jewish Rap Star
The Kosher Gourmet by Cathy Pollak: WARNING: This WALNUT CAKE WITH PRALINE FROSTING, perfect for afternoon coffee, is addicting
|
| |
Jewish World Review
Sept. 13, 2006
/ 20 Elul, 5766
A Prophet heard from
By
Paul Greenberg
| 
|
|
|
|
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
IN THE WILDERNESS It wasn't easy finding him after all these centuries.
It took journalistic enterprise, confidential sources, biblical research, a good roadmap and mainly imagination.
But eventually, somewhere east of the Jordan and west of the Euphrates in the land of Moab security regulations prevent me from pinpointing his exact location there he was, Balaam himself, the fabulous prophet of Hebrew Bible fame, or rather infamy.
The old man seemed comfortable enough in anonymous retirement, much like a crime boss in the Witness Protection Program. He seemed surprised to have a visitor but not inhospitable. Dressed in comfortable shorts and one of those garish Hawaiian shirts, he put down the gin-and-tonic in his hand and swung open the door to his screened porch. The ceiling fan hummed soothingly, the old-fashioned glider in the corner beckoned.
"Balaam, son of Beor, I presume?"
"Call me Balaam," he said. "All my friends do, not that I have any left. I don't get around much anymore. It's been centuries since I lived in Pethor, and I certainly didn't leave any forwarding address. Between disappointed customers and jealous husbands, a man can't be too careful. I'd just as soon folks believed that story about my meeting my end with the Midianites. Think of it as another failure of Israeli intelligence. Reports of my death, as you can see, have been greatly exaggerated."
He was shorter and thinner than one might have expected, and not at all imposing. Could this be the great Balaam, mighty prophet and seer known to all the peoples of the ancient East? This leathery old coot? It was if he'd hung up his prophet's girth and garb for the duration. His voice, which must have been stentorian in his heyday, now was just high-pitched.
"Haven't had any company in a couple of millennia," the old man mused, easing himself into a rocker next to the aspidistra. "Except on business, of course. There's always a market for a hired prophet. Political pollsters, market analysts, racetrack touts, weather forecasters, commodity traders . . . I hear from 'em all. Even when I tell 'em I'm strictly a Death-and-Destruction man, it doesn't put 'em off. There's always a market for D-and-D. Or at least a fascination with it. Had some Hollywood types come by to ask if I'd consult on their next disaster flick, but I'm not much on high-tech. Your standard earthquake or flood is good enough for me. Although I used to do a good business in blight, too.
"Yeah," the old man mused, looking off into the middle distance, as if remembering old times. "But some things never change. Come, curse me Jacob, they keep repeating, come, curse me Jacob. It's one of my stock numbers, and it never goes out of fashion. Like slacks-and-a-blazer or the simple little black dress. Now it's all I hear from Tehran to Damascus. The more this business changes, the more it stays the bloody same. Anybody I can curse for you? The price is right."
Not that I wanted to seem ungrateful, but I had something else in mind. I wanted to know how the current unpleasantness in the Middle East would turn out, and what it would mean for the future of the region, in the event it had one. Was this just a lull, or the beginning of a real peace?
"You still don't get it, do you?" the old boy said, not unkindly. "It may surprise you, but with me it's not the money. The money is just for openers, a sign of respect, earnest money, just to show you know you're not dealing with some two-bit hexer. I'd do this pro bono. It's when I'm most alive, when I'm prophesying. Like a Rembrandt at the easel, that's me on the high places before the altar. It's what I do, what I have to do. I was I am! an artist. Not just a prophet.
"Even when I came to curse the Israelites and blessed them instead," he continued, "the words the words! would become one of their prayers for a thousand, two thousand years. Forever. How beautiful are thy tents, O Jacob/thy dwelling places, O Israel. But all you people want is political analysis, some kind of fortune-telling. Well, you've come to the wrong place, my friend. You're looking for a magician, or maybe a visiting expert, somebody Charlie Rose might interview in that terribly serious way of his. What I do is art ."
"That's all? That's it? Can't you tell me how this is going to turn out? What will come next? War or peace? Neither or both? The world wants to know."
"You might try the witch of Endor down the road," the old man suggested. It's right on your way, and I get a small finder's fee. But be prepared: You might not like what you hear, or rather see."
I told him I'd pass. Consumer Reports said there'd been some customer dissatisfaction with her.
I thanked him for the interview, much good as it did me.
"No trouble," the old prophet-despite-himself said, pleasantly enough. "It isn't the first time an ass has insisted on talking to me."
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Paul Greenberg, editorial page editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, has won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. An earlier version of the events referred to in this column appears in Numbers 22-24 and 31. Send your comments by clicking here.
Paul Greenberg Archives
© 2006 Tribune Media Services, Inc.
|
|

Arnold Ahlert
Mitch Albom
Jay Ambrose
Michael Barone
Barrywood
Lori Borgman
Stratfor Briefing
Mona Charen
Linda Chavez
Richard Z. Chesnoff
Ann Coulter
Greg Crosby
Larry Elder
Suzanne Fields
Christine Flowers
Peter Funt
Frank J. Gaffney
Bernie Goldberg
Jonah Goldberg
Julia Gorin
Jonathan Gurwitz
Paul Greenberg
Argus Hamilton
Victor Davis Hanson
Betsy Hart
Ron Hart
Nat Hentoff
A. Barton Hinkle
Jeff Jacoby
Paul Johnson
John Kass
Jack Kelly
Ch. Krauthammer
David Limbaugh
Kathryn Lopez
Rich Lowry
Michelle Malkin
Jackie Mason
Ann McFeatters
Dale McFeatters
Dana Milbank
Jeanne Moos
Dick Morris
Jim Mullen
Deroy Murdock
Judge A. Napolitano
Bill O'Reilly
Clarence Page
Kathleen Parker
Star Parker
Dennis Prager
Wesley Pruden
Tom Purcell
Sharon Randall
Michael Reagan
Robert Robb
Cokie & Steve Roberts
Heather Robinson
Debra J. Saunders
Martin Schram
Greg Schwem
Culture Shlock
David Shribman
Roger Simon
Lenore Skenazy
Michael Smerconish
Thomas Sowell
Mark Steyn
John Stossel
Cal Thomas
Dan Thomasson
Bob Tyrrell
Diana West
Dave Weinbaum
George Will
Walter Williams
Byron York
Cathy Young
Mort Zuckerman

Eric Allie
Robert Arial
Chuck Asay
Baloo
Nate Beeler
Lisa Benson
Chip Bok
Dry Bones
John Branch
Daryl Cagle
Patrick Chappatte
John Cole
Paul Combs
J. D. Crowe
John Darkow
Bill Day
John Deering
Sean Delonas
Brian Duffy
Everything's Relative
Randall Enos
Mallard Fillmore
David Fitzsimmons
Glenn Foden
Jake Fuller
Bob Gorrel
Walt Handelsman
Joe Heller
David Hitch
Jerry Holbert
David Horsey
Lee Judge
Steve Kelley
Mike Keefe
Jeff Koterba
Dick Locher
Chan Lowe
Jimmy Margulies
Gary McCoy
Rick McKee
Jack Ohman
Jeff Parker
Milt Priggee
Michael Ramirez
Rob Rogers
Steve Sack
Bill Schorr
Drew Sheneman
Kevin Siers
David Ray Skinner
Jeff Stahler
Scott Stantis
Danna Summers
Gary Varvel
Kirk Walters
Christopher Weyant
Larry Wright
Dan Wasserman
Adam Zyglis

Tech Q&A
Mr. Know-It-All
Ask Doctor K
Richard Lederer
Frugal Living
On Nutrition
Bookmark These
Bruce Williams
|