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April 21, 2014

Andrew Silow-Carroll: Passoverkill? Suggestions to make next year's seders even more culturally sensitive

Sara Israelsen Hartley: Seeking the Divine: An ancient connection in a new context

Christine M. Flowers: Priest's execution in Syria should be call to action

Courtnie Erickson: How to help kids accept the poor decisions of others

Lizette Borreli: A Glass Of Milk A Day Keeps Knee Arthritis At Bay

Lizette Borreli: 5 Health Conditions Your Breath Knows Before You Do

The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom Coconut Walnut Bars' golden brown morsels are a beautifully balanced delectable delight

April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review August 20, 2007 / 6 Elul, 5767

Names in the news

By Paul Greenberg


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | American Media, owner of Weekly World News, is shutting down the grocery-store tabloid that once exposed 12 U.S. senators as space aliens. That's right: There were only 12 back then. Long before The Onion, the W.W.N. was reporting the whereabouts of Elvis (Kalamazoo, Mich.) and publishing photos of Heaven taken by the Hubble telescope. Some of its headlines will remain classics. For example, "Dead Rock Stars Return on Ghost Plane" and "Crazed Dieter Mistakes Dwarf for Chicken!" But now its circulation has fallen under 90,000 and this week's will be its last issue.


How come? According to the dead-serious news release, the paper will be folded "due to the challenges in the retail and wholesale magazine marketplace." What does that mean, exactly? Maybe it's a corporate exec's way of saying that the so-called real news is already so outrageous that fiction can't compete with it. Or maybe the Weekly World News has actually been kidnapped by space aliens and we're not being told. We wouldn't be surprised. By anything we read in a grocery-store tabloid.


Whatever the reason for the demise of the W.W.N., we're going to miss headlines like "Headless Body in Topless Bar." Oops, that was the New York Post. All these tabloids tend to blur in the mind.


With tabloids, the more outrageous the news the better. What makes them so amusing? It's their talent for parodying those of us in the oh-so-serious "profession" of journalism. Picking one up is like listening again to Edward R. Murrow's sonorous old "This … I Believe" deepthink series of radio essays by generic Ordinary Americans — only not as maddening. Since the humor of mock tabloids like The Onion is intentional.


Xinhua, Communist China's news agency, reports that Beijing is going to regulate reincarnation in Tibet, one of the world's longest occupied countries. The commissars in Beijing have had it with these living Buddhas popping up all over the place, so the State Administration for Religious Affairs in that officially atheist country is to have the final say-so on which Buddhas may reincarnate where.


It's not enough for the "People's Republic" to assert control over every thought on the Chinese mainland and environs, now it's going to keep a tight rein on the next world, too. It's all kind of funny — if you don't have to live in a country monitored by Big Brother.


As of September 1, the Buddhas will have to submit their application for reincarnation, doubtless in triplicate, to the Religious Affairs bureau before being recognized in their next life. The new regulations are described by Xinhua as "an important move to institutionalize the management of reincarnation of living Buddhas." And, no, this dispatch did not originate with the soon-to-expire Weekly World News, which some of us are hoping to see reincarnated. Some news is just too unbelievable to make up. Can this be what Marx and Lenin had in mind when they started out? Mao, maybe.


Hugo Chavez, the Venezuelan strongman and another great friend of the working man, is now out to change his country's constitution so there will be no limit on the president's — namely, his — terms in office. That way, he can be president-for-life, much like his Cuban mentor, Fidel Castro. Is anybody surprised? Beneath every Latin champion of the proletariat there's just another caudillo. And their line is always the same: Obey my every dictate and be free!


Mikhail Gorbachev, last commissar of all the Russias, has been heard from. He's to appear in commercials for Louis Vuitton, the French luxury label, along with other celebs like Steffi Graf, Andrea Agassi and Catherine Deneuve. So what's wrong with that? Comrade Gorbachev did set out to reform Soviet Communism, didn't he? He promised to peel away its injustice, tyranny, and inefficiency — and soon discovered there was nothing else there. He'd reformed it out of existence. It was like removing the criminality from a criminal conspiracy.


Now the old party boss is posing as the very image of capitalist decadence. It's a step up. In a way, he's a role model for reform. The world would be a better place if Hugo Chavez and Fidel Castro were hawking luxury goods instead of dictating to their countrymen.


Rolandas Milinavicius, the owner of a car dealership in — where else? — Altanta, has been charged in the deaths of two of his employees after he was reported to have told police he'd shot both of them because they kept asking for raises. Goodness. No matter how pesky employees can be, couldn't Mr. Milina-vicious have just said No? This is the kind of news that gives one pause. Here I was just about to ask the boss for a raise….

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JWR contributor Paul Greenberg, editorial page editor of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, has won the Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. Send your comments by clicking here.

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© 2006 Tribune Media Services, Inc.

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