Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Dec. 27, 2007 / 18 Teves, 5768

Happy New Year, Santa

By Larry Elder


Printer Friendly Version
Email this article

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Dear Santa,


My name is Timmy and I'm in the third grade.


My mom says I have to write thank-you letters for gifts. So thanks for the video games and stuff. But I have a couple of things I'd like to know about, if you feel like it.


One day in class Mrs. Tompkins — that's the teacher who teaches us — said a lot of people in this country eat too much food which makes them get fat and die ahead of skinny people. She said it is better to eat salad and other stuff that does not taste good, because salads don't get stuck inside the pipes of your body so that the blood and air inside the pipes can keep going without running into a French fry.


So how come you are so fat? Mrs. Tompkins said that if you eat a lot, you make other people eat a lot, too, because kids look up to you like they do their parents and try to do what you do. She said that grown-ups like you, Santa, need to be good road medals. So maybe next time, instead of fixing what you like, Mrs. Claus should fix something you don't like but is better for you, like a salad.


I want to ask you about the air being dirty. The sled you are in when the reindeers pull you looks really small and since you give out toys to every good kid you must have to go to the North Pole and back a lot of times. Does this mean you use a lot of gas and make the air really dirty? Mrs. Tompkins says the gas everybody gets makes it dirty and smell bad and kills animals, including us, too. We watched a movie about polar bears who did not have a house anymore because of the gas inside my dad's car. The movie said you should make the sun heat your house with a thing that you put on top of the roof. Can you put one on top of your sled so that the reindeer and especially Rudolph will not have to work as much and besides, it will help the air? Mrs. Tompkins said that sometimes people that do things to make the air really bad will plant trees because trees are good for the air. Maybe during part of the time when you are not in the chimney with gifts, you can plant trees for the air. Maybe you can get Mrs. Claus to do it, because I hardly ever see her do anything.


I have a dog named Champ. I know that you like animals too, because of the reindeers. One day Mrs. Tompkins told us that when we go to McDonald's and open the bun there's an animal inside. Do you treat the reindeer and especially Rudolph in a good way? I guess you do or they might run away, like Champ did one time when my little brother left the door open. Champ was gone a long time and my dad went to look for him and, even though he found him, he was still mad anyway. So I hope that you treat the reindeer really good so they don't run away and nobody eats them.


Every day in class we have the news. A lot of toys come from the Chinese in China and they put something called lead in the toys, that they weren't supposed to put in, but they put it in there anyway. How do you make sure the toys you give us kids don't have any lead? My dad is a lawyer and he said that the lead will make a lot of people go to court and pay money. I hope you don't go to court, but I hope if you do you have money.


I have a shirt that is my favorite. But when I tried to wear it for the second day, because I wore it yesterday, my mom made me take it off. She said that only poor people wear the same shirt all the time and it takes money to wear different shirts. I don't think you are poor because of all the toys you give away, even the lead ones. So why do you wear the same thing whenever I see you? I hope I did not hurt your feelings because I like red. But what if somebody would not take your toys because they feel sorry for you because you always wear the same thing?


My dad likes to yell at the TV because he watches a man who talks about people who shouldn't be here because they were not born here but are here anyway. My dad said that a lot of the people came here but the paper they came here with told them to leave but they did not leave. So when you took toys to kids all over the world, I hope you made sure you had the right paper so you stayed out of jail. If you did go to jail, you shouldn't wear the same thing I always see you wear, in case you were wondering about that.


So I think I should leave now. Eat food that doesn't stick to your pipes. If you have money after all the toys, you should buy a bigger sled so you can travel less than now and Mrs. Claus won't have to plant so many trees and keep the gate closed so you won't have to chase the reindeer like my dad did Champ, and make sure all the toys that come from China don't come from there anymore. And make sure the paper you have so you can deliver toys all over is not the wrong one so that you end up in jail and have to take off your red suit.


Happy New Year,
Timmy

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

JWR contributor Larry Elder is the author of, most recently, "Showdown: Confronting Bias, Lies and the Special Interests That Divide America." (Proceeds from sales help fund JWR) Let him know what you think of his column by clicking here.

Larry Elder Archives

© 2006, Creators Syndicate

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles