I bought a new dictionary recently so I thought it might be fun to do something thoroughly different in the column this week. I'm devoting the column to what I call, "FUN WITH WORDS." Catchy, no? Let's have amusement with words, boys and girls, shall we? Aren't you excited? You are? I thought so. Oh, boy! Here are several rather obscure words, how many do you know?
Chine: 1. the backbone of an animal as it appears in a joint of meat. 2. a mountain ridge. However, it is not the luster you get when you clean your shoes.
Pettifogging: it means petty; trivial. It doesn't describe an insignificant mist drifting in from the coast.
Autarky: economic independence or self-sufficiency.
Gimcrack: it is showy but flimsy or poorly made. It is not a split in your gim.
Pelisse: it is a woman's ankle-length cloak with armholes or sleeves. It isn't who you call when you're being robbed.
Spatchcock: a dressed and split chicken for roasting or broiling on a spit.
Otiose: Of no use. Ineffective. Sort of like attempting to use this word in normal conversation.
Slumgullion: a watery meat stew. Actually, it sounds exactly like what it is.
Foison: a plentiful harvest. Pronounced like poison.
If you knew two or three of these, then you know more than most people. If you got them all, well goody for you, you obnoxious know-it-all!
The following funny alternative definitions of common words have been around for awhile and printed in various places. I think they're pretty good, though, and certainly worth repeating here.
Negligent: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline.
Coffee: the person upon which one coughs.
Lymph: to walk with a lisp.
Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.
Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Then there are words that are confusing. For instance:
Behead — shouldn't it really be dehead?
Height — why is it width, length, and breadth but not heighth?
Gruesome — if it's so extremely bad, why isn't it grueplenty?
Substantial — is this worse than stantial?
Preempt — is there no empt because something else always happens first?
Refrigerate — what is frigerate and why are we doing it again?
Redundancy — is dundancy sufficient?
Sister — why is it father, mother, and brother, but not sisther?
And what are the most beautiful words in the English language? Well, Wilfred Funk's list of the most beautiful words in English are: ASPHODEL, FAWN, DAWN, CHALICE, ANEMONE, TRANQUIL, HUSH, GOLDEN, HALCYON, CAMELLIA, BOBOLINK, THRUSH, CHIMES, MURMURING, LULLABY, LUMINOUS, DAMASK, CERULEAN, MELODY, MARIGOLD, JONQUIL, ORIOLE, TENDRIL, MYRRH, MIGNONETTE, GOSSAMER, ALYSSEUM, MIST, OLEANDER, AMARYLLIS, ROSEMARY.
But as far as James Joyce is concerned, CUSPIDOR is the most beautiful word in English. As the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder — or in the cuspidor of the beholder.
Your homework assignment for the week is to figure out the meaning of the word FRIPPERY. Use it in a sentence for extra credit. And with that last word, I'll sign off until next week. Have a good one.
