Home
In this issue
April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review Sept. 25, 2009 / 7 Tishrei 5770

In Defense of Dead People

By Greg Crosby



http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | True story. A friend of ours was at our home recently for dinner. During the course of the evening she happened to see an autobiography on our bookshelf of a very famous movie star, someone that she liked. Since she had never read the book, she asked if she might borrow it. My wife was happy to let her take it, knowing it would be a book she would really enjoy reading. I should mention that our friend is a big movie fan and in fact has worked in show business herself.


After a few days our friend called and told my wife that she had thought it over and decided not to read the book after all. "I just started thinking," she explained, "Why would I want to read an autobiography about a dead person?" I may not have her exact words here, but by and large this was her reasoning. Bear in mind too that this friend is not a kid, she is a middle-aged, college educated woman.


So let me get this straight. We should only read books written by and about people who are currently alive. You know, the important people like Mackenzie Phillips and George Hamilton. The thinking is that reading books about dead people is a waste of time. The logic of that mindset is nonexistent anywhere outside of a kindergarten or mental hospital, but then again, logic in general has little to do with the thinking of so many so-called sensible people today.


What this means of course, is that we should disregard the biographies of all human kind throughout recorded history. Hey, when you're dead your dead, right? Don't read books on Washington, Adams or Lincoln. Forget about all those doornails like Moses, Jesus, Confucius, Guttenberg, Newton, Voltaire, Bacon, and Aristotle. Forget the dead poets, the dead playwrights. Don't read books on any of the great historical figures ever again because they're dead. And we all know that there's nothing to learn from a dead person. Listen, if they were so smart, they wouldn't be dead.


And while we're at it, we shouldn't waste out time listening to music written or performed by dead people either. Trash all that out-of-date music by Bach, Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, and Strauss. Those boys are dead you see, they're not worth listening to. Toss out those old-fashioned Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald recordings. They're dead! Dump those Cole Porter, Irving Berlin, and Gershwin tunes. They're dead! What should we do about the Beatles since half of them are dead? Maybe just listen with one ear.


And don't watch movies with dead people in them. Casablanca, Gone with the Wind, Wizard of Oz, Singin' in the Rain, Showboat, Citizen Kane, An Affair to Remember, Some Like it Hot, Vertigo, Ben-Hur, The Searchers, It's a Wonderful Life, forget them all. Old. Dead. Yechh. Better to stick with the latest Ben Stiller or Jennifer Aniston or Megan Fox picture. After all, these actors are still alive…for the time being.


Oh, one other thing…stop going to all those galleries and museums that display the work of dead artists. You know, that old junk by has-beens such as Michelangelo, Da Vinci, van Gogh, Degas, Picasso, and the rest. They are all deceased, you know. Just go to the new galleries which showcase the fresh, fully-alive work of artists that are above ground.


In conclusion all I can say is this. If you walk into my home and take away all the books, movies, music, and art created by dead people, then I will be living in an empty house. No, wait. I take that back. Tom Wolfe, Thomas Sowell, Michael Caine, Doris Day, Debbie Reynolds, Keely Smith and John Pizzarelli are still alive.


If I prefer the writings, the art, the films, and the music of the dead, which, for the most part I do, what does that make me? Well, I know I'm not dead; my wife would have buried me. So I must be among the living dead…..ooooohhh! Scary! Happy early Halloween, kids.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.


JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

Greg Crosby Archives

© 2008, Greg Crosby

Columnists

Toons

Lifestyles