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March 12, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: You CAN have Heaven on Earth
JWisdom.com Manufacturing mediums with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky (4 minutes)
Caroline B. Glick: The march of the Red-Green brigades
March 11, 2010
Glenn Garvin: Conspiracy theories, why people believe them and how they spread
JWisdom.com For Yourself, Not By Yourself with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff (8 minutes)
The Kosher Gourmet by Linda Gassenheimer : Turn leftovers into tasty New England hash
Paul Richter: Biden promises 'viable Palestine' is in the offing
March 10, 2010
Paul Greenberg: Death Checks In
JWisdom.com How To Get A (Real) Life with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( EXTENDED EPISODE)
Paul Richter: Israel exerts soverign right to its capital as Biden looks on astounded
Richard A. Serrano: 'Jihad Jane' indictment alleges threat from within U.S.
March 9, 2010
Wesley Pruden: Joe's Israeli adventure
JWisdom.com Free To Be (Responsibly) You and Me! with Rabbi Naftali Brawer ( 8 MINUTES)
David G. Savage: Supreme Court to rule on free speech in case of soldier's funeral
March 8, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist by Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: Make a fuss about those who cuss?
JWisdom.com Finding or Losing Yourself? Here's How! with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Steven Emerson: America must learn from the UK about the future of Islamist subversion
March 5, 2010
Rabbi Berel Wein: Golden Calf still with us --- except it has multiplied
JWisdom.com The Limits of Eternity with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 4 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Biden's lost cause
March 4, 2010
Alan M. Dershowitz: How About A Real Campaign Against Abuses?
JWisdom.com Using Things, Loving People with Rabbi Lawrence Hajioff ( 7 MINUTES)
Jordan "Gorf" Gorfinkel's Everything's Relative
March 3, 2010
JWisdom.com Grasping The Name of Your Life Game with Rabbi Warren Goldstein ( 8 MINUTES)
The Kosher Gourmet by Marialisa Calta : A cowboy's recipes for really good grub
March 2, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: Someone's there
Diane Toroian Keaggy : Have we misunderstood Michelangelo?
March 1, 2010
JWisdom.com Whole in One with Rabbi David Aaron ( 5 MINUTES)
Michael Muskal: Hillary meets with Israeli official, discusses gefilte fish dispute
Feb. 26, 2010
Rabbi Francis Nataf: The Megilla of Spring
JWisdom.com A Biblical Secret for a More Powerful You with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: When rhetoric rules the roost
Feb. 25, 2010
The Jewish Ethicist By Rabbi Dr. Asher Meir: When walking away from your mortgage is both economically sound and makes ethical sense
JWisdom.com The Second Most Important Question in Your Life with Rabbi Yehoshua Karsh ( 5 MINUTES)
Seema Mehta : U.S.-Israel relations raised in California's Senate race --- by conservatives
Feb. 24, 2010
Rabbi Avi Shafran: The gift of the ‘prayer bomber’
Steven Emerson: Why Religious Freedom Commission is under attack
Feb. 23, 2010
Dennis Prager: Government, Yes! The Divine and Parents, No!
JWisdom.com The Last Laugh of Enlightenment with Rabbi Yaakov Asher Sinclair ( 5 MINUTES)
Anne Applebaum: Prepare for war with Iran --- in case Israel strikes
Feb. 22, 2010
Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Is it not refreshing Tiger Woods' career has crashed and burned so dramatically?
JWisdom.com Esther and the third Truth with Rabbi David Aaron ( 9 MINUTES)
Kelly Brewington: Going smoke-free may raise diabetes risk
Feb. 19, 2010
Rabbi David Aaron: Is the Divine beyond us or within us?
JWisdom.com Olympic Faith with Rabbi Sroy Levitansky ( 5 MINUTES)
Caroline B. Glick: Israel and the West are perpetrators of a myth that endangers the Jewish State
Feb. 18, 2010
Cal Thomas: Who is Rashad Hussain?
JWisdom.com A Wedding Disaster to Remember with Rabbi Y.Y. Rubinstein ( 3 MINUTES)
Feb. 17, 2010
JWisdom.com Think your life is messed up? with Rabbi David Aaron ( 11 MINUTES)
Greg Logan: 'Greatest Jewish sporting event of all time since David versus Goliath' may be postponed because of bar mitzvah
Feb. 16, 2010
Anya Martin : Boy's 'cerebral palsy' fixed with diet
JWisdom.com Feet On The Street Spirituality with Gavriel Aryeh Sanders ( 8 MINUTES)
Marty Peretz: Let Europe Mind Its Own Business. It Brings Nothing To The Table Save For Mischief
Feb. 15, 2010
Herb Geduld: Lincoln and the Jews
JWisdom.com Are Our Children Really Ours? with Rabbi Mordechai Becher ( 5 MINUTES)
Susan King: 'Wolf Man' reflected writer's wartime Jewish experience

Jewish World Review May 23, 2009 / 28 Iyar 5769

Home alone

By Greg Crosby


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | My wife has left me. She packed up, hopped a plane and now I'm all alone. No, she's not getting a divorce; she's just visiting her family back east for 3 weeks. The good news is she'll be coming back to me. But right now I'm home alone and it feels strange. It's been quite a while since the two of us have been separated for any length of time. I'm scared. HELP! HOW DO YOU WORK THIS STUPID WASHING MACHINE??


I'm only kidding. Don't think that I'm a perfect idiot, I'm not. Nobody's perfect. I know how to do stuff without Jane. I've been cooking for myself, for example. This morning for breakfast I made a half of a grapefruit and toast. Last night I cooked myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I can do stuff. I watch television, listen to music, water the plants, read the papers, go to bed, and wake up - all by myself. The truth is, doing these things feels very alien without my wife around. The house seems to take on a different dynamic when you're alone in it.


For instance, I have become aware of noises that I never heard when Jane was here. Little creaks and pops and groans like the house was digesting or something. Maybe the house was trying to talk to me, like "Where did she go? What did you do with her?" Credit me with not taking the bait. I never answered the house's probing questions, not once. What happened to Jane is none of its business. WHY CAN'T I FIND THE STUPID CALL WAITING BUTTON ON THIS PHONE?


The worst part is at night when I go to bed. I get into bed, turn off the light and …that's it. Nothing else. No one to wait for. No one to say "good night, sweet dreams" to. It's very strange and it is the only time in the entire day when I feel lonely. That's when an uncomfortable emptiness settles over the house. Even the house is speechless. Not that I would ever answer it anyway. I told you, I don't talk to houses.


While she's been gone my sister and brother have both had me over for dinners at their homes. It's been very nice being with the family and everything. I think, though, that my brother and sister think I'm helpless without Jane. Isn't that funny? And also they want to make sure that their big brother doesn't get too lonesome and, you know, start to do something crazy like talking to the house. But I'm fine. I'm really okay. HOW DO YOU MAKE THIS STUPID BED WITHOUT WRINKLES?


In just about a week Jane will be home and our lives will get back to normal. The one thing I really won't miss having to do, will be taking take of her African violets. I never knew those flowers needed so much attention. Like taking care of a baby or an animal. Or a baby animal even. Actually this trip was a good break for both of us, I think. It gave her a chance to spend some extended personal time with her side of the family and it gave me a chance to get to know the house a little better. WHERE DOES SHE HIDE THE HAND TOWELS?


Meanwhile, I think I'll cook up something really special for dinner tonight. Grapenuts cereal with sliced bananas sounds good. No, wait. I had that two nights ago. Okay, tonight I'll prepare a delicious bowl of popcorn. I can always wash that down with an Eskimo Pie and some Cheez-Its later on. I like to keep my meals balanced.


Frankly, I can't wait for Jane to get back. For one thing, it will nice to have someone around here to answer my questions, because this stupid house hasn't been any help at all. And if it continues to ignore me like this, I swear I'll stop speaking to it entirely. WILL YOU PLEASE STOP MAKING THOSE NOISES!

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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© 2008, Greg Crosby

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