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Jewish World Review
April 11, 2008
/ 6 Nissan 5768
Which is true?
For me, this was a week of browsing the internet, checking out news sites and other such places looking for interesting stories. It is truly amazing what you can find out there in cyber land. The odd stuff that goes on in the world that I would never know anything about if it weren't for the international news sources, can make you shake your head and say "Huh?" Truth can certainly be stranger than fiction - but then again, it might actually just be fiction after all. Sometimes you really can't tell.
I thought it might be fun to tell you a few stories and see if you, dear reader, can tell me which are true? Okay? On your marks, get set, ready …GO!
1. HOT DOGS REALLY GET ON MY NERVES
Down in Orange County, Florida a husband and wife sat down for dinner. The wife, 28 year old Alfreda Van Bladel, apparently had prepared a dinner for her husband that consisted of hot dogs. Evidently the man wasn't in the mood for weenies and at some point he snatched the plate of hot dogs from his wife's hands, the sheriff's report said.
The action then prompted the woman to stab her husband in the shoulder with a steak knife, according to authorities. The husband, Anton Van Bladel, then grabbed a handgun and pointed it at the woman's head and said he was going to kill her. Both a knife and a handgun were recovered from the couple's home.
The husband and wife were arrested and face several charges in connection with the incident, including aggravated battery and aggravated assault. Hot dogs, knives, and guns. What an unforgettable meal!
2. THE GREAT PIZZA PAN HEIST
Way down in Ardmore, Oklahoma the local Pizza Hut restaurant has been hit. No, they didn't take any cash; they took …all the pizza pans. Every one. Police said that when workers at the pizzeria arrived for work on Thursday they discovered every single pizza pan was missing from the joint.
While workers borrowed pans to prepare pizzas for the day, the cops checked out a local scrap metal shop and found out that one business paid about $17 for 30 aluminum pans. The sale led police to arrest Jody Wayne Guinn, 34, who was being held Friday at the County Detention Center on complaints of embezzlement and disposing of stolen property. Steal a pizza pan, go to jail.
On a happy note, Police Capt. Tony Trudell said the pans were all recovered undamaged and returned to the restaurant. Okay, so who ordered the pepperoni? Who had the deluxe with everything? Come and get it!!
3. IRONSIDES GOES BAD
We all know that weird stuff happens in the San Francisco area, but here's a new one on me. It seems the cops up in Palo Alto are searching for a bank robber who made his getaway in a rather unorthodox vehicle - an electric wheelchair. Police said a man in his 60s with gray hair and a beard held up the Wachovia Bank branch at the Stanford Shopping Center late this afternoon with a black handgun. After the stickup, he left in his wheelchair and was last seen motoring down a nearby street toward El Camino Real, a major thoroughfare.
Witnesses say the man's legs were wrapped in bandages and his right leg was sticking straight out while he zoomed away. The police are looking for a white Ford van that the suspect may have been hoisted into after the bank robbery. I have this mental image of Monty Woolley from "The Man Who Came to Dinner" making his getaway in the wheelchair, wearing his robe, with a bag of money on his lap.
4. SHORT STORY
Did you hear the one about the 15 year-old Indian girl who weighs 11 pounds and stands just 1 foot 11 inches? She may be a dwarf, but she is not exactly unhappy about it. As a matter of fact, she says she really enjoys her celebrity status. "I am proud of being small. I love the attention I get," she told a local newspaper.
She attends regular high school and studies alongside classmates her own age, but she sits at a specially made midget desk. Like all teenagers everywhere in the world, she loves listening to pop music and watching DVDs and even hopes to become a Bollywood actress. She has recently recorded an album with her favorite Indian pop star, Mika Singh.
Okay. Now that you've read all the stories, can you tell which was true? If you said all of them, you were right! Every one of the above stories was found on legitimate news service web sites last week. Just when you've thought you've heard it all, it seems that there's always something else. Nothing surprises me anymore. Not even wheelchair-bound senior citizen bank robbers.
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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.
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© 2006, Greg Crosby