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May 24, 2012

Jeff Jacoby: The peace process battered Israel's reputation
Clifford D. May: What Iran's Rulers Want
Michael Muskal: 'Pro-choice' position hits record low, according to poll
Chris Farrell: Are We in a Tech Bubble?
Kimberly Lankford: Switching Medicare Advantage Plans Mid-Year
Bryan McIver, M.B., Ch.B., Ph.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Understanding hyperthyroidism and its variety of treatment options
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: PHILLY CHEESE STEAKS --- hold the steak!
May 23, 2012
Ex-CIA spy in Iran's Revolutionary Guard: Baghdad talks highlight Western naivete
Tony Pugh: More private colleges offering tuition discounts
Lisa Gerstner: 4 Money-Etiquette Questions Answered
Mary Beth Franklin: How to Choose the Right Annuity for You
Art Markman, Ph.D.: Get smart: How to bulk up your creativity muscles
Tina Susman: The wig wasn't enough: Man gets 13 years for posing as his dead mom
The Kosher Gourmet by Emma Christensen:A simple way to do fish right
May 22, 2012
David S. Cloud and Kathleen Hennessey: Obama changes mind on Pakistan invite to NATO summit --- and then gets dissed by country's president
Warren Richey: Can US group challenge overseas surveillance act? Supreme Court to decide
Thomas M. Anderson: Walking Away From a Mortgage
Environmental Nutrition editors: The lowdown on a low-acid diet
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: Enjoy a celebration of the most rich and layered flavors: Black bean, sweet potato and quinoa chili
May 21, 2012
Mark Clayton: Cybersecurity: How US utilities passed up chance to protect their networks
Howard LaFranchi: NATO summit: Who will foot the bill for long-term Afghanistan security?
Chris Farrell : Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
James K. Glassman: 5 Stock Picks Among Online Retailers
Stephen Whiteside, Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Social anxiety disorder --- or just shy?
Guy Jackson : Victim's father regrets death of Lockerbie bomber
The Kosher Gourmet by Mario Batali: Famed chef's veal shoulder farsumagru: A festive meat course for late spring
May 18, 2012
Rabbi Berel Wein: Striving: The People of the Book's Book for (All of) the People
Caroline B. Glick: Embracing dangerous delusions and not our friends
Steven Goldberg: 5 Great Stock Picks and the Exchange-Traded Fund that Owns Them
Janet Bodnar: How to Teach Kids to Handle Credit Cards
Mary Pickett, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Don't be forced into gluten-free lifestyle based merely on a doctor's false-positive test
The Kosher Gourmet by Carolyn Malcoun: DIY healthy lunchbox treats: HOMEMADE FRUIT BARS for kids and brown-bagging adults alike
May 17, 2012
Warren Richey: Teacher fired for being unwed and pregnant can sue religious school, court rules
Josh Mitnick: Netanyahu's 'centrist' coalition is already proving it's anything but
Steven Goldberg: Earn Dividends in Emerging Markets with This WisdomTree ETF
Mary Beth Franklin: Retirement Savings Tips for New Grads
Amina Khan: Research links coffee to lower death rates
Chelsea Sheasley: Social media: Is it too feminine?
The Kosher Gourmet by Faith Duran : Cheesy Potato Breakfast Casserole with Cheddar and Sun-Dried Tomatoes
May 16, 2012
Jackson Holahan: The Aleppo Codex
Jonathan Tobin : Iran Declares Victory in Nuclear Talks
Anne Kates Smith: 7 Stocks That Let You Sleep Tight
Carmen Terzic, M.D., Ph.D. : Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: A variety of exercises can help improve balance
Melissa Healy: National strategy on Alzheimer's disease aims to halt it by 2025
The Kosher Gourmet by Joyce White : GOODNESS GRACIOUS: GREENS! 4 winning recipes that are no longer just for down-home folks (Includes expert tips & techniques)
May 15, 2012
Dennis Prager: God and Man at (and for) Liberty
Kristen Chick: Obama administration resumes arms sales to Bahrain despite serious unresolved human rights issues. Activists feel abandoned
Pat Mertz Esswein: Homes are now affordable again and mortgage rates are low. What you need to know before you buy
Kathy Kristof: Our Practical Investor Fights Inflation with These 6 Investments
Sue Hubbard, M.D.: The Kid's Doctor: Lactose intolerant young child? Check again
Environmental Nutrition Editors: Get the facts on palm sugar sweetening
The Kosher Gourmet by Kathy Hunt: Spread a Little Excitement with EXOTIC CONDIMENTS (4 RECIPES)
May 14, 2012
Richard Simon: Purple Hearts for domestic terror victims?
Nando Pelusi, Ph.D.: The privacy paradox: Surrounded by strangers, we risk isolation, anxiety
Chris Farrell: Investing Lessons from the Great Recession
Lisa Gerstner: How to Protect Your Identity, Finances If You Lose Your Phone
Harvard Health Letters: Heart disease and dementia
Tiffany O'Callaghan: New hormone mimics effects of exercise without the sweat
The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon: MANGO COCONUT OAT MORNING MUFFINS are a bright but hearty delight
May 11, 2012
Rabbi B. Shafier: Why happiness will always be elusive
Charles Krauthammer: Echoes of '67: Israel unites
Howard LaFranchi: With G8 snub, US-Putin 'reset' off to stumbling start
Jeremy J. Siegel: Investors, Relax About Rising Interest Rates
Jessica L. Anderson: Get the Best Deal on a Used Car
Jett Stone: Forget face-lifts and fake knees. Scientists have seen the fountain of youth --- and it's broccoli
The Kosher Gourmet by Chef Mario Batali: The famed chef's vegetable dish that tastes true to the season: FAVAS AND SUGAR SNAP PEAS WITH POTATOES AND TARRAGON
May 10, 2012
Clifford D. May: The Real Palestinian Refugee Problem
Sergei L. Loiko: Putin sends warning to U.S., NATO in Victory Day speech at Red Square
Mary Rourke: How being a 'mentch' got Vidal Sasoon his start and fighting in Israel's War of Independence provided him with confidence and a strong sense of his own identity
Harvard Health Letters: Palliative care: Underused therapy yields surprising benefits
Jeff Bertolucci: Get Home Phone Service for Less Than $10 a Month
Rachel L. Sheedy and Susan B. Garland : Make the Right Moves to Boost Benefits
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Gleaming with its golden, crimson, and snowy white hues, this silken smooth and creamy STRAWBERRY ORANGE TRIFLE looks impressive, but is easy to prepare
May 9, 2012
John Rosemond: Parents, stop destroying the American male
Valerie J. Nelson: Maurice Sendak, author of 'Where the Wild Things Are,' dies at 83
Bob Frick: Angst Over Annuities
Sharon Palmer, R.D. How you can reduce your risk -- or delay -- chronic diseases associated with aging
Howard LeWine, M.D.: Ask the Harvard Experts: Why did my blood pressure suddenly shoot up?
Lisa Gerstner: Lower the Rate on All Your Loans
The Kosher Gourmet by Emily Ho : Springtime soba with miso sauce offers a coloful mix of fresh textures and flavors
May 8, 2012
Edmund Sanders: Netanyahu suddenly cancels new elections, forms unity government
Frank J. Gaffney Jr.: Farewell to European superstate
Anne Kates Smith: 4 Stocks That Mimic Buffett and Berkshire Hathaway
Gaia Vince and Clare Wilson The Rise of Miniature Medical Robots: Fantasy Fast Becoming Reality
Paul Takahashi, M.D.: Mayo Clinic Medical Edge: Never suffer night leg cramps
Jessica L. Anderson: Extended-Warranty Warning
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Celebrate National Chocolate Chip Day with the Best Cookie Ever (Includes techniques)
May 7, 2012
Mark Clayton: Homeland Security warns major cyber attack aimed at gas pipeline industry underway
Angus Roxburgh: Putin Decoded: World view of a Russian feeling dissed
Kimberly Lankford: Navigate a Course for Long-Term Care
Kevin McCormally How to Adjust Your Tax Withholding
Celeste Robb-Nicholson, M.D.: Harvard Health Letters: How do you treat a Baker's cyst?
Joanne Capano: Healthy Snacks for Children: The Choices May Surprise You
The Kosher Gourmet by Penelope Wall: Classic Creamy Spinach Dip with a Fraction of the Calories and Fat
May 4, 2012
Rabbi Nathan Lopes Cardozo: Holy 'trivialities'
Jonathan Tobin: Bibi v. Barak will be no contest this time around
Steven Goldberg: Blue Chip Stocks On Sale Worldwide
Art Pine Slow Productivity Growth a Blessing --- For Now
Sue Hubbard, M.D. : The Kid's Doctor: Are Kids Too Wired?
Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D: Foods that are good for your smile
Amy Paturel, M.S., M.P.H.: Eating Well: Foods that are good for your smile
The Kosher Gourmet by Betty Rosbottom: Strawberry rhubarb parfaits are elegant yet simple to assemble
May 3, 2012
Michael Freund: Who's Afraid of the Messiah?
Clifford D. May: The Foggiest War
Susan B. Garland: Insurance to Cover Old Old Age
Steven Goldberg 6 Reasons to Bet on a Big Bull Market
Harvard Health Letters: Treating prostate cancer --- no rush to judgment
Larry Gordon: Harvard, MIT partner to offer free online courses
Naomi Nix : Man gets free trip to Chicago after postcard sent by mother in 1957 finally reaches him
The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington: Intensely Italian vegetable frittata is a seriously simple standby


Jewish World Review March 16, 2007 / 26 Adar 5767

Whose wedding is it?

By Greg Crosby


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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | Spring is daylight savings time and new blossoms and tax paying and one other very important thing. It's wedding planning season again. But whose wedding is it anyhow? In our age of narcissistic self-awareness, all the books, web sites and glossy mags reinforce the "ME, ME, ME, and only for ME" mentality when it comes to weddings. A wedding is all about the bride, they say, and not about anyone else. "Have the Wedding that you want - not the one 'they' want you to have" the magazine copy screams out. "It's not your mother's wedding" a web site states, "so stop worrying about doing everything her way." The article goes on to say how many brides feel cheated when their mothers are permitted input as to the wedding details.


"If there ever was one, this is the time for you to express your individual taste and style. So what if she'd (the mother) never dream of carrying "fake" flowers in her bridal bouquet? In her generation, fake flowers were plastic — of course she wouldn't have used them! This is a new generation, and silk wedding flowers are the rage ..."


Yes, the wedding is the bride's one big chance to be the star of the show and yes, it is most certainly her show, but to what extent? To the total exclusion of all family members? No, it shouldn't be so. A wedding is too important an event. Sure, the wedding is extremely personal for the perspective bride, but it is an enormously important family affair as well. As much as it is the big opportunity for the bride to shine, it is just as important a time for the bride's family to proudly be able to share in her happiness. This is, or should be, a happy life-affirming FAMILY event.


The two important life-changing events which occur in every family are funerals and weddings. These are the two events which traditionally bring families and friends together at one time and in one place. The funeral is a time of family consoling; the wedding is, of course, celebration. When a family member dies we come together for support, remembrance, and comfort. A time of immense sadness and loss, it is right that all family members share this sorrow and help each other through this difficult period. A Wedding is no less of a family gathering which needs to be shared.


But a wedding is the antithesis of the funeral. A time of immense happiness and hope, it is just as important for family members to share this joy with the perspective bride as it is to ban together during a time of grief - if anything it is more important. It gives us a chance to embrace and include our extended family in our happiness. And it gives our extended family the opportunity to participate in a joyous event. Isn't it an awful thing to only see our cousins, uncles, aunts and others during the saddest times of our lives and not for the happiest?


Sadly, the way weddings are being sold to young women today is to stress the "it's not your mother's wedding" concept. The idea is that you shouldn't listen to your mother or grandmother or anybody else in planning your wedding. Do it your own way, invite only who you want to invite, and pick out details that appeal only to you. This attitude appeals to the self absorbed, vain young princesses who have grown up to believe the world revolves around them and now its time to prove it. And they'll prove it by doing their own wedding their own way without any input or suggestions or guidance from parents whatsoever. How utterly selfish.


Just as a girl dreams about becoming a beautiful bride one day, so does a mother dream about sitting down with her daughter and planning the once in a lifetime event with her. It was a traditional way of mother and daughter to bond, like a father going fishing or playing ball with his son. And dad also knows that one day he will walk his little girl down the aisle and give her hand over to her young man, and family members and friends will be there to witness it and take pleasure in it.


The people who have loved that little girl all of her life should be there to take part and to dance at her wedding. Mom and dad want their friends to be there too at this moment of joy in their lives. "My baby has grown, left the nest and is ready to make her own family with the man she loves. I am so glad that our family and friends could gather at this occasion and join us in our happiness." This is what parents want. What they dream about for their daughter's wedding.


There is another new concept in weddings that contributes to making it difficult for family and friends to participate. It is called "destination weddings." Destination weddings are a great way to exclude family members and friends you don't care about or don't particularly want to see, from attending your wedding. It works like this, the bride and groom pick the place of their dreams to get married in, a place far, far away from family, a fantasy place - a place where family members would have to travel long distances at great expense to get to.


The wedding usually will extend two or three days at this fantasy destination and will involve hotel room accommodations, food, plane fare, and carfare all at the "guests" own expense. And don't forget proper clothing to wear at the various "events" that have been planned leading up to and after the actual ceremony. And all this, of course, is on top of the wedding gift.


Ever since Tom Cruise did it, the fantasy destination of choice for today's storybook wedding has been the Tuscany region of Italy, but there is plenty of other far away places with strange sounding names to choose from as well. Nice is nice. The Caribbean is cool. And how about Hawaii? Or better yet, some remote island in the South Pacific. In the old days a girl got married in or near the home of her parents and then went on a honeymoon trip. Today they go on a trip to get married and then go on another trip for their honeymoon. Two trips for the price of one wedding - not bad.


No one is saying that the bride shouldn't have a wonderful, beautiful wedding - a wedding she will cherish all the days of her life, (or at least as long as the marriage lasts) but why can't it happen close to home so that the people who love her can attend without having to take out a second mortgage or divest themselves of their life savings? Just because she is the princess doesn't mean that the rest of us have to be the paupers.

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JWR contributor Greg Crosby, former creative head for Walt Disney publications, has written thousands of comics, hundreds of children's books, dozens of essays, and a letter to his congressman. A freelance writer in Southern California, you may contact him by clicking here.

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